My wife finally saw one....how do i maintain my confidence

[1015527]

Hi Ladies,

Hope you are doing well. I want to preface my story and question by saying that everything I'm going to say and ask is very genuine. I'm not looking for any SPH or to be annoying to anyone as I've read many of the LPSG ladies' complaints about what guys talk about and ask on here. I just want true advice and please excuse my long post. There's two parts to this. My wife and I have been together since high school (dated the first 7 years and married the last 9.5). We both are each other's first and only in regards to sex. She doesn't watch porn and has never been to a strip club.

Part 1 - Last month, my wife walked up on a coworker who happened to be looking at a naked guy on her phone (too long of an explanation to add regarding her coworker) and ended up seeing his dick. Her reaction was kind of OMG why the hell are you looking at that here at work and she turned her head and kept walking. She ended up telling me as she thought her coworker was crazy. In the story, she referred to the guy's dick as big and we had a small discussion about it.
Part 2 - Last week, we went to a get together to cap-off a coed sports team (her job's) that we play on. Some people work at her job and some don't (like myself). There was drinking, shots, games, beer pong, etc. When we got home, she told me one of the girls there came to her and was like girl look at this painting event I just went to, while pulling out her phone to show her pictures. This was a type of sip and paint class with a twist.....a nude male model. She ended up seeing two pictures of a naked guy, who in her words, had a huge penis (she doesn't even say dick). She said she had never seen one that big. In telling the story, she said she was very curious and just had to ask me because she said it looked like the guy was not hard, but it was so big while not being hard. At work, she learned about growers and showers. So, after seeing this huge dick, she asks me if all guy were either growers, showers, etc. I further explained what that meant and that there are just some guys who are really big (you know that upper 1% or whatever the statistic is)

So, now that the story has been told....she's always referred to my dick as big throughout the years and what not. I always knew however that she has never seen a variety of dicks other than mine and in our conversation, she even confirmed it. So, I considered her assessment of mine as relative. Now, all I can think of is that she has seen a dick that I assume is way bigger than mine (I don't know for sure of course how much bigger as I didn't see what she saw). I'm just going off her reaction. I asked her a few questions to share some of my thoughts/feelings, but she wasn't that comfortable with the conversation once I started asking more questions.

I guess now I'm sort of in my feelings. Sex has been great and has been getting better the longer we've been together. I want to get out of my own head, but can admit this is starting to affect my confidence. We had even talked about getting her first dildo, which is completely separate form this situation. Now, I'm even afraid that she'll want to try or pick out a dildo that's way bigger than me because of what she recently saw. Up to this point, I never considered myself small, possibly above average, but definitely not in the really big category. I know most guys say to just measure so I'd know where I stand for sure, but my curve makes measuring a little innacurate. Either way, It always helped with my sexual confidence when she would genuinely say I was big. Now, I don't think her perspective of big is the same and assume I'll hear that a lot less now.

Ladies (and I do mean ladies), what advice can you give me? If I were your husband, what would you tell me? If I let my confidence drop, it could affect me in the bedroom.

 

[MickeyLee]

She is happy with your penis.

She will want an average, to slightly above average size dildo. Only men and a few select women buy huge dildos.

You are making a thing out of nothing.

This is your issue. If you need to talk it out with her, buck up and do so. She is your wife, your feelings even insecurities are important to her.

You would be a foolish man to let a couple of pics of some randos dick interfere with a long-term healthy relationship.

 

[1209489]

@MickeyLee is completely accurate on this! You pleasure your woman. Don’t doubt yourself now. This may pose an opportunity for you both to explore sex in different ways. Don’t limit your possibilities. Just be open and honest about how you feel. That’s the only thing that matters.

 

[1015527]

She is happy with your penis.

She will want an average, to slightly above average size dildo. Only men and a few select women buy huge dildos.

You are making a thing out of nothing.

This is your issue. If you need to talk it out with her, buck up and do so. She is your wife, your feelings even insecurities are important to her.

You would be a foolish man to let a couple of pics of some randos dick interfere with a long-term healthy relationship.

You're right in that it's my issue which is why I'm trying to get it out of my own head. I did share my feelings after both situations. As a matter of fact, she sort of pre-warned me before she told me of the second instance because we already talked after the first instance. I just can't get out of my head. I've even wondered if she's going to start researching huge dicks online. The get together was just this past Saturday, so this is all very fresh. Maybe with time, I'll get a grip on it. Thanks for your response!

 

[LaFemme]

I concur with Ms Lee’s post.

If she’s never seen another penis besides yours before, of course she’s going to be curious. And who does she know, trust and love that actually has a penis? You! So you get to answer her questions. You should feel very secure knowing that she wants to talk to you about this.

Just tell her the truth. Some guys are bigger than others, some guys are smaller, some are skinny, some are thick, some are growers, some are showers, some are curved, some are straight, some point straight up, some out and some down. Lucky her, she got the perfect one for her! (If you whisper that in her ear while you’re deep inside her, she’ll probably be moaning ‘yes’.)

 

[1209489]

Just so you know, you look real good! Don’t doubt yourself. She is obviously impressed by your ability

 

[1209489]

I concur with Ms Lee’s post.

If she’s never seen another penis besides yours before, of course she’s going to be curious. And who does she know, trust and love that actually has a penis? You! So you get to answer her questions. You should feel very secure knowing that she wants to talk to you about this.

Just tell her the truth. Some guys are bigger than others, some guys are smaller, some are skinny, some are thick, some are growers, some are showers, some are curved, some are straight, some point straight up, some out and some down. Lucky her, she got the perfect one for her! (If you whisper that in her ear while you’re deep inside her, she’ll probably be moaning ‘yes’.)

Love this!

 

[1015527]

I concur with Ms Lee’s post.

If she’s never seen another penis besides yours before, of course she’s going to be curious. And who does she know, trust and love that actually has a penis? You! So you get to answer her questions. You should feel very secure knowing that she wants to talk to you about this.

Just tell her the truth. Some guys are bigger than others, some guys are smaller, some are skinny, some are thick, some are growers, some are showers, some are curved, some are straight, some point straight up, some out and some down. Lucky her, she got the perfect one for her! (If you whisper that in her ear while you’re deep inside her, she’ll probably be moaning ‘yes’.)

Sorry if I said it wrong. She's seen other dicks.....but only the rare occasions when they show a penis in a movie or when she used to work in hospitals (she's a nurse). She has just never seen the huge porn star/stripper type of dick. This particular sip and paint gets male models who are basically strippers (I've seen the advertisement here in my city). We all know that most strippers and porn stars are usually on the larger scale.

I like your whispering idea lol

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

She saw a penis that wasn't yours.

How many times have you seen vagina that wasn't attached to her?

Not a big deal, at all.

 

[deleted924715]

Honestly? I don't understand the male penis size obsession, I'm assuming it's a man-thing, so my advice-giving ability is limited. I'm also confused as to why you are excluding men from the conversation when they are best placed to understand where you are coming from and share their own coping strategies with you because like you said, it's your issue. Are you looking for an ego boost from the women here? Hoping they will click on your pics and offer compliments? I only ask because we get a lot of that here in the guise of requests for advice and I noticed you were advertising on your profile "Interested in meeting fun and curious ladies. Good for great conversations and the occasional video chat ;-)". Doesn't really jive with a lack of confidence on a website full of big dicks. Maybe things have changed since you posted that.

Either way, my advice still stands - some of the guys here are really supportive and would willingly counsel you. You're doing yourself a disservice by excluding them. The only thing I can really offer from a female perspective is that I find it deeply unattractive when men get obsessed with dick size. I have read other women here say the same. When I read threads in the forum where men post about incessantly questioning their partner about dick size, convinced she is lying and trying to trip her up, it makes my skin want to crawl right off my body. So be aware if she is shutting down the conversation, she might feel similarly.

If you are genuinely starting to dwell on this you need to get a grip on it stat, don't indulge it. At the end of the day, even if she did want to fantasise about donkey dicks in the privacy of her own head, that's her business and beyond your control. You only ever fantasise about your wife? How would you feel if she didn't want sex unless you police your thoughts? Some things you just have to let go for your own sanity.

 

[286798]

I don't understand the male penis size obsession, I'm assuming it's a man-thing, so my advice-giving ability is limited.

I mostly agree, but also understand the self-doubt re: size. Women do this with boobs to some extent, too. When I am early on in a relationship, I wonder if my small-ish rack (38B) will be pleasing as I'm probably smaller than what he's had in the past. Granted, I also have the self confidence and awareness to realize that I am much, MUCH more than my tits and they are way, WAY down the list of my assets. I am smart, have a kind heart, am pleasing to look at, can cook like Martha and suck cock like a champ. If he needs more than that, he can keep on looking. BYE!

To the OP- I imagine this is not nearly the issue in her mind that it is in yours. She's with you. If your junk makes her happy, your junk makes her happy. That's all you really need to know.

 

[950483]

Sorry if I said it wrong. She's seen other dicks.....but only the rare occasions when they show a penis in a movie or when she used to work in hospitals (she's a nurse). She has just never seen the huge porn star/stripper type of dick. This particular sip and paint gets male models who are basically strippers (I've seen the advertisement here in my city). We all know that most strippers and porn stars are usually on the larger scale.

I like your whispering idea lol

Yeah, I was very sceptical of the idea that she'd never seen another dick.

 

[deleted924715]

I mostly agree, but also understand the self-doubt re: size. Women do this with boobs to some extent, too. When I am early on in a relationship, I wonder if my small-ish rack (38B) will be pleasing as I'm probably smaller than what he's had in the past.

Everyone has insecurities to varying degrees, I think the difference with obsession is that you lose perspective

 

[950483]

I'm in agreement with everything @BacknForth said.
If you have been a couple for 17 years it's likely that throughout that time she's fantasized, and had all kinds of private thoughts about things which are not your dick, or you even. Get over it. Get over yourself.

 

[1015527]

Honestly? I don't understand the male penis size obsession, I'm assuming it's a man-thing, so my advice-giving ability is limited. I'm also confused as to why you are excluding men from the conversation when they are best placed to understand where you are coming from and share their own coping strategies with you because like you said, it's your issue. Are you looking for an ego boost from the women here? Hoping they will click on your pics and offer compliments? I only ask because we get a lot of that here in the guise of requests for advice and I noticed you were advertising on your profile "Interested in meeting fun and curious ladies. Good for great conversations and the occasional video chat ;-)". Doesn't really jive with a lack of confidence on a website full of big dicks. Maybe things have changed since you posted that.

Either way, my advice still stands - some of the guys here are really supportive and would willingly counsel you. You're doing yourself a disservice by excluding them. The only thing I can really offer from a female perspective is that I find it deeply unattractive when men get obsessed with dick size. I have read other women here say the same. When I read threads in the forum where men post about incessantly questioning their partner about dick size, convinced she is lying and trying to trip her up, it makes my skin want to crawl right off my body. So be aware if she is shutting down the conversation, she might feel similarly.

If you are genuinely starting to dwell on this you need to get a grip on it stat, don't indulge it. At the end of the day, even if she did want to fantasise about donkey dicks in the privacy of her own head, that's her business and beyond your control. You only ever fantasise about your wife? How would you feel if she didn't want sex unless you police your thoughts? Some things you just have to let go for your own sanity.

I definitely am not looking for an ego boost and yes, that quote was posted a while back. I do get what you mean as far as a male perspective and I've read male perspectives regarding similar situations. I guess I just wanted to hear from a female perspective to gain more understanding from the other side, especially if any of you found yourself in a similar situation with your significant other. I'm definitely trying to get a grip as you say. Just to be clear, I wasn't incessantly questioning her about it. She started the conversation with me twice and we talked about it, which is when I asked questions as I became curious of her thoughts. She was kind of just so shocked to have seen anything that big....it would've been worst for me to walk away from that conversation without asking and sharing what I was thinking. We've never had a conversation like that before, so it was the first time that the door had been open. I know it's hard to understand the male penis size obsession. I wouldn't say that I'm obsessed, but more so when the situation occurred, I guess the moment made me feel less than adequate to my wife. Overall, I have been pretty confident in myself, which is why I'm looking to bounce back and trying not to dwell on this. It's only been a few days as well.

 

[1015527]

I'm in agreement with everything @BacknForth said.
If you have been a couple for 17 years it's likely that throughout that time she's fantasized, and had all kinds of private thoughts about things which are not your dick, or you even. Get over it. Get over yourself.

Yes, I'm trying to do just that.

 

[SoaringSpirit]

I mostly agree, but also understand the self-doubt re: size. Women do this with boobs to some extent, too. When I am early on in a relationship, I wonder if my small-ish rack (38B) will be pleasing as I'm probably smaller than what he's had in the past. Granted, I also have the self confidence and awareness to realize that I am much, MUCH more than my tits and they are way, WAY down the list of my assets. I am smart, have a kind heart, am pleasing to look at, can cook like Martha and suck cock like a champ. If he needs more than that, he can keep on looking. BYE!

To the OP- I imagine this is not nearly the issue in her mind that it is in yours. She's with you. If your junk makes her happy, your junk makes her happy. That's all you really need to know.

Lurker you are right on the money, my philosophy exactly !

 

[1015527]

I mostly agree, but also understand the self-doubt re: size. Women do this with boobs to some extent, too. When I am early on in a relationship, I wonder if my small-ish rack (38B) will be pleasing as I'm probably smaller than what he's had in the past. Granted, I also have the self confidence and awareness to realize that I am much, MUCH more than my tits and they are way, WAY down the list of my assets. I am smart, have a kind heart, am pleasing to look at, can cook like Martha and suck cock like a champ. If he needs more than that, he can keep on looking. BYE!

To the OP- I imagine this is not nearly the issue in her mind that it is in yours. She's with you. If your junk makes her happy, your junk makes her happy. That's all you really need to know.

@lurker23 Yes, this is exactly it. Self doubt comes in different forms for everyone and with varying degrees between men and women. I think society definitely helps with large dicks being "better" or females wearing a certain dress size and that's just with physical features. Self-doubt can play out in careers, income, status, how someone parents their kids....you name it. I definitely try to constantly work at being a better husband as the years go on. Thanks for your input!

 

[SoaringSpirit]

@lurker23 Yes, this is exactly it. Self doubt comes in different forms for everyone and with varying degrees between men and women. I think society definitely helps with large dicks being "better" or females wearing a certain dress size and that's just with physical features. Self-doubt can play out in careers, income, status, how someone parents their kids....you name it. I definitely try to constantly work at being a better husband as the years go on. Thanks for your input!

Yes its normal for anyone to have self doubt. But the bottom line is YOU love her, satisfy her & curiosity IS normal.
As long as you both have open & excellent communication together, that's all that matters.

 

[CarlaM]

Your penis looks at least average if not a couple notches above. My husband would kill for your size! I’m sure your wife is quite satisfied. It sounds like you have great sex. You can’t blame her for being curious though. If anything it could spice things up for you.

Also, next time you see the ad for the painting class, take down the phone number for me