My Wife is Sick of My Big Dick

Osiris

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I also ausually agree with you invisibleman, but I have to disagree on this one. I also have to disagree with you a bit hotmilf. The kids and the mortgage are no reason to stay together. I have heard scare stories about couples who stayed together "for the sake of the kids" or "our lifestyle can't support a divorce". Give it your best try, but if it doesn't work, save yourself.

You are not Captain Smith and this isn't the Titanic. zdon't go down with the ship.
 

Not_Punny

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I DETEST LAURA SCHLESSINGER. she is the bane of my existence, a flub of mankind.

LOL, you mean you grew up in a family that quoted Dr. Laura on a daily basis?! My sympathies, then. :wink:

My apologies to the OP -- I didn't mean to hijack this thread by mentioning someone so controversial! (But still, check out the book -- it might or might not help)
 

Not_Punny

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I also ausually agree with you invisibleman, but I have to disagree on this one. I also have to disagree with you a bit hotmilf. The kids and the mortgage are no reason to stay together. I have heard scare stories about couples who stayed together "for the sake of the kids" or "our lifestyle can't support a divorce". Give it your best try, but if it doesn't work, save yourself.

You are not Captain Smith and this isn't the Titanic. zdon't go down with the ship.

Ah well...! I had three kids and a mortgage and I divorced. I was financially devastated for years and wish that there had been some other way. :wink:

Then again, after a year of no sex, I found that my ex had come out of the closet... without telling me. There were very few options available, and at the time I was too "religious" to consider a sham marriage.
 

B_All4show

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So I would say the problem goes deeper than just sex. Your wife doesn't even compliment you anymore. Been there done that too. Odd thing is what shook my wife loose was there was a woman at work, we'll call her Celeste.

Celeste is happily married, has children and is one of those genuinely loving people. Being around her you can't help but be happy. Wendy loves the fragrances men wear. One day I come in and she bounces up and gives me a hug. She lingers and buries her nose in my neck and inhales, "GOD I love that smell on you." I got goosebumps and thought nothing of it. Well I was wearing Woody Sandalwood oil which the wife hates. Celeste was also a very physically beautiful woman and has gorgeous blonde hair and a killer body. So one day, she comes up and hugs me and as she is hugging me, she says "let's rub the twins all over you." OK, now I am MASSIVELY turned on.

One day my wifes car is in the shop and we both have appointments. She drives me to work so she can keep the car. My wife decides to come in and pick up a few items we need at home. She knows and loves pretty much everyone I work with, except Celeste for some reason. So I come out and Celeste does her best big squeezy busty rubbing hug. Wife saw it. She comes up to the counter, rings out and I say I'll see her at 5.

5 PM rolls sround, wife comes in in this killer sun dress which shows of her curvy bod. She has had her hair done, nails done, looks killer. I tell her she looks wonderful and I ask what's the occasion? "Can't I look sexy for my husband?" So this behavior keeps on for about a month and she starts popping into work at all odd times of the day. I finally sit her down and ask the "What's with you?" question. She plays dumb and I finally say it. "How do you go from a year of not even noticing if I'm alive or dead to looking like Jennifer Connoly on a daily basis?"

The truth came out and we have talked it out and are twice as united as we were before.

Point is either you guys have to find a way to get that spark back or you are destined to part. I agree that 15 years is a lot of time and investment to piss away so I'd give whatever last ditch you can a try.

I'm pulling for you man.


My wife would dye if she saw some girl give me a hug like that. I agree that women get their competitive juices flowing if they see other women notice you.
 

B_All4show

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Uh, oh.

You're stuck then.

Can I suggest buying your wife a big bouquet of flowers, chocolates, some sexxxxxxy lingerie and a copy of the book, The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger. ***

Put it all in a fancy box, and write in big letters, "Because I love you. You're my woman and my wife..."

Just try it...

.... frankly, you've got nothing to lose but more time.



*** This book champions male sexuality and needs in terms that women can understand.

She bought the book and read it. It didn't make an impression on her. It is weird, when things are going well she is happy and doesn't need sex, when things are not going well, she knows I need sex, but we are fighting too much to have sex.
 

B_All4show

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I unfortunately was in a similiar marriage that ended after 18 years. We married young (21-22) and although it wasn't just sex that we grew apart in, it was part of it. of course my ex knew my size before we married, but to be fair, as I posted here in other places, i did grow more in my mid 20's...a little longer and it thickened up alot. not that I'm impossibly big, but she tended to be very dry also (yes I used lube when I could) it just stopped being comfortable for her. now you can ask what came first..the lack of sexual desire causing what became sexual animosity and distancing, or the growing apart causing sexual animosity. nothing in a marriage happens in a vacumn! We wound up divorcing...I wouldn;t wish it on anyone..especially since we have 2 children (grown now). but we both remarried and are happier now.
oh yeah..she too always said in anger things like "all you care about is how big it is" or take your big dick and handle it yourself" maybe it's just trying to verbally hurt you in anger.
but the point I am trying to make is..it is probably not just because you dick is big. (although I know for a fact that the guy my ex remarried is very small in that department ..she said so in passing to me once. her exact worrds..and I remember them like it was yesterday..were " well one thing that couldn't be more different between you 2 is your birds...he's not even half your size there" surprised me when she said it, I looked at her in a questioning surprised way, and she sighed "yeah..its like salami vs weenie"
I admit...I liked it


Sex is not umcomfortable for her and when we do it she usually orgasams. It just is not on her mind even though I pester her. So natutrally, I take offense to not being given the love I need. It is hard to take, because I work very hard for everything I get. If I want something, I put the time and effort in and I get it. But this is just not one of those things.

BTW, Do you think she wanted to get a small guy so she could have upper hand?
 

Not_Punny

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OK, let's assume that infidelity is out of the question.

That leaves HORMONES.

You're wife is approx. 35 y/o, which means her hormones could be taking a nosedive.

My suggestion is to go to a "girly doctor" (the TWO of you should go, not just the wife), and you BOTH tell the doctor about the non existent sex life / sex drive.

There are lots of options available, including bio-identical hormones that actually REDUCE risk for breast and uterine cancer and heart disease.

:wink::wink:
 

invisibleman

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Yeah. Disagree on what points? Would you want to be staying in a sexless marriage? Would you want to be around someone who dogs you out ("looks down at you over having morningwood." "making your husband masturbate.") for the sake of marriage? That is cold. That IS abusive. If after eighteen years, this is what you get. Marriage wouldn't look very appealing to me.

I don't want to be in a sexless marriage. (Not EVEN a sexless gay one if legally permitted.) If a guy didn't like having sex with me, fine. Move on. I don't want any man not wanting to have sex with me. That removes less drama.

If I had my choice, I would rather be in a series of sexual life affirming, loving relationships. Than to be in one sexless long-term one. I am sorry. If guys don't wanna have sex with me...there are ALWAYS other men who do want to. They won't give me looks. They won't treat me like a leper.

I can understand there may be issues. Health reasons not being able to have sex. If you CAN'T HAVE SEX, you can't.
 

B_All4show

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I think every couple should be forced to watch "Say Anything" periodically to remember what it was to want that one special person.
:biggrin1:

"If you guys know so much about women, why are you hanging around the Gas 'n Sip on a Friday night? .... Conscious choice."
 

invisibleman

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OK, let's assume that infidelity is out of the question.

That leaves HORMONES.

You're wife is approx. 35 y/o, which means her hormones could be taking a nosedive.

My suggestion is to go to a "girly doctor" (the TWO of you should go, not just the wife), and you BOTH tell the doctor about the non existent sex life / sex drive.

There are lots of options available, including bio-identical hormones that actually REDUCE risk for breast and uterine cancer and heart disease.

:wink::wink:

THAT is a good reason, too. I never would've thought it that way.
 

B_All4show

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I also ausually agree with you invisibleman, but I have to disagree on this one. I also have to disagree with you a bit hotmilf. The kids and the mortgage are no reason to stay together. I have heard scare stories about couples who stayed together "for the sake of the kids" or "our lifestyle can't support a divorce". Give it your best try, but if it doesn't work, save yourself.

You are not Captain Smith and this isn't the Titanic. zdon't go down with the ship.

I could afford a divorce, that is not the issue. It seems unfair to do that to the kids and my wife is a good mother and a good person. Seriously, if I wanted sex once a month and never drank beer, I would be a perfect husband for her.

But without sex, I can feel the animisity build up in me. It becomes apparent and even though I rarely start a fight, I do not let things slide. It really then feeds on itself.
 

Osiris

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Yeah. Disagree on what points? Would you want to be staying in a sexless marriage? Would you want to be around someone who dogs you out ("looks down at you over having morningwood." "making your husband masturbate.") for the sake of marriage? That is cold. That IS abusive. If after eighteen years, this is what you get. Marriage wouldn't look very appealing to me.

I don't want to be in a sexless marriage. (Not EVEN a sexless gay one if legally permitted.) If a guy didn't like having sex with me, fine. Move on. I don't want any man not wanting to have sex with me. That removes less drama.

If I had my choice, I would rather be in a series of sexual life affirming, loving relationships. Than to be in one sexless long-term one. I am sorry. If guys don't wanna have sex with me...there are ALWAYS other men who do want to. They won't give me looks. They won't treat me like a leper.

I can understand there may be issues. Health reasons not being able to have sex. If you CAN'T HAVE SEX, you can't.

I guess it is the hopeless romantic in me. I've never been divorced, but my folks were. I waited a long time before I got married cause I want it to last. Coming from your view, I guess I could understand your take on the situation.

"If you guys know so much about women, why are you hanging around the Gas 'n Sip on a Friday night? .... Conscious choice."

OK, you have done your viewing for this month. Watch it again next month. :biggrin1:

THAT is a good reason, too. I never would've thought it that way.

That is why I like you Invisibleman. You can post, debate, and even see both sides of a story and still be gracious about it. Hats off to you man.
 

B_All4show

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Ah well...! I had three kids and a mortgage and I divorced. I was financially devastated for years and wish that there had been some other way. :wink:

Then again, after a year of no sex, I found that my ex had come out of the closet... without telling me. There were very few options available, and at the time I was too "religious" to consider a sham marriage.

Wow, that is world of hurt all at once. How did your kids take it?
 

Osiris

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I could afford a divorce, that is not the issue. It seems unfair to do that to the kids and my wife is a good mother and a good person. Seriously, if I wanted sex once a month and never drank beer, I would be a perfect husband for her.

But without sex, I can feel the animisity build up in me. It becomes apparent and even though I rarely start a fight, I do not let things slide. It really then feeds on itself.

That is why you can't leave your needs and emotions out of any decision. Where as it sounds your wife is being selfish, you are being selfless and that selfish part of you is doing the passive aggresive thing. You'll drive yourself to a straightjacket that way.
 

B_All4show

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OK, let's assume that infidelity is out of the question.

That leaves HORMONES.

You're wife is approx. 35 y/o, which means her hormones could be taking a nosedive.

My suggestion is to go to a "girly doctor" (the TWO of you should go, not just the wife), and you BOTH tell the doctor about the non existent sex life / sex drive.

There are lots of options available, including bio-identical hormones that actually REDUCE risk for breast and uterine cancer and heart disease.

:wink::wink:

She is 41 so you could be correct. I will try to bring it up some time.
 

B_All4show

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If I had my choice, I would rather be in a series of sexual life affirming, loving relationships. Than to be in one sexless long-term one. I am sorry. If guys don't wanna have sex with me...there are ALWAYS other men who do want to. They won't give me looks. They won't treat me like a leper.

I agree with this, but kids make it a little more complicated.

If I we do separate, I would like to look at her as the good person that she is, rather than drain every drop of blood out of it and end up hating her.
 

D_Andy_Whorewall

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Seperation of the species ! Again we see men and women are at times complete opposites.

Ask any married man of 15+ years what bothers him the most...Lack of sex. Not lack of "good" sex, just sex !

We've been married 24 years and sex is 2 times a month. And it's very good, especially for my wife. She has her over the top, eyes rolled back orgasm, and she is good for at least 2 weeks, if not more. Not Me, No Way !

We don't argue about it, but she knows that I get miserable as time goes on w/o sex. I get cold, unattentive, uinresponsive, etc. So to bring me around, she'll jerk me off every now and then.

I don't make a big thing about masturbation, she knows I do it, but I don't flaunt it either. Women don't need the stress relief that men do from sex, or ejaculation.

For women sex is a "happy place" they go to, play around for awhile and leave, not having to worry about coming back to visit any time soon.

For men, sex is a primal urge, that saps us of our strength and energy and leaves us wanting more. Just look at this site, it's about the PENIS ! Women don't have a Vagina Support Group site do they ?

I have also felt resentment, anger, rejection and unloved by my wifes lack of sexual desire. But that doesn't mean she's cheating on me. Our penises have been our little play toy since we were 4 years old, right? We grew up giving them all the attention they desired.

Now we find out that our partners (wives) never had their own "plaything" and really don't get the concept of the penis being more than just a tool for procreation. Where men feel it's more for recreation.

This is just the way it is.
 

HazelGod

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OK, let's assume that infidelity is out of the question.

Why?

It sounds to me like a mistress is the ideal solution to his dilemma. He loves his wife, their kids, their home, and doesn't want to disrupt that balance...yet he's not getting the admiration and sexual attention of a lover.

My advice is to be discreet. The ideal partner would be a woman who is in an analogous relationship herself, and has at least as much vested in the maintenance of discretion as you do.