My wife slept with my best friend...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Maynard G Knads, Jan 7, 2012.

  1. D_Maynard G Knads

    D_Maynard G Knads Account Disabled

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    Looking for some input or advice...
    So my wife and I have been having relationship problems for a while now. She says that I don't romance her enough and that I don't communicate the way I should. I was in the Air Force at the time and I had a very stressful job but that really isn't an excuse I guess... I tried, i brought her flowers, left her notes in the morning before I left, showered her with gifts when I could afford it and tried to keep her happy. Now, I have my problems, I can admit that. I have a hard time showing emotion at all and have had depression problems for years and so I can seem cold a lot of the time. During this down point in our relationship she started having feelings for a good friend of mine. They started talking a lot more than normal and wanting to hang out together and so on and so forth. Well, one weekend we were all drinking and I clocked out early and they went to a club with some other friends of ours. Once they got back to the place we were staying they slept together. Neither one of them told me. I just left the Air Force and we moved back home to the States and my wife and I were working on our relationship but she was still talking to him a lot. Mind you this has only been about a month or two in its timeline. Well, we talked about her and him and she wouldn't tell me just what was going on. So I asked my friend and he admitted to sleeping together. Needless to say I am crushed but I am not sure how to take the whole situation.. I feel bad for not being a better husband but on the other hand she slept with my friend and there is no excuse for that no matter the circumstance. To make matters worse she went back to Italy to see him so she can see if she still has feelings for him. I just don't know what to do or think or feel at all. I was wondering how some others may take the situation...
     
  2. aglets

    aglets Member

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    I think she's blaming you as an excuse for her actions. She presumably knew you before you married and knew your personality. Cut your losses, end it now and be glad there are no children.
     
  3. redz_rule

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  4. buffaloboy

    buffaloboy Active Member

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    Wow. This is an awful lot to go through. It's a double betrayal, both by your wife and your best friend. It must be incredibly hurtful for you.

    Whilst I do believe that people can change, I have no doubt that I would not be able to trust the wife in future and that would mean calling time on the relationship. No one deserves to be treated like this and if you stay, you're tacitly admitting that, on some level, what happened was OK.

    The fact that she went to Italy to see if she 'had feelings for him' shows that it wasn't just a drunken one-off mistake - she's actively considering ending the marriage herself.

    I have to say, that although you said you have a hard time showing emotion, your post is very eloquently written, and you don't sound as of you're out of touch with your feelings. And that you left her notes and bought her gifts shows that you at least listened when she asked for you to show her more attention. All of this is a lot more that many people - especially men - are able to do.

    In my view, the only thing to do now is to end the relationship immediately. If you stay together, both you and your wife are likely to make each other unhappy and life's too short for that.
     
  5. Thirdlegproduction

    Thirdlegproduction Formerly WhiteMonst3r
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    your problem doesn't ly with these two people, sure they have been screwing you with a fence pole but the problem is that you let them and then feel like apologising.

    It seems it's pretty clear what you should do, it's just up to you if you are going to take responsibility for your own life, wants and needs.
     
  6. monel

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    I think that, in as much as you recognize your failures, your relationship with your wife was troubled and, as you say, in a "down" period, if you both wish to maintain the marriage, it is salvageable. I'm sure the situation has caused her much stress too and may have caused her to do something that she ultimately regrets. That's something you both need to find out. As for your friend; he's a prick and you are better off without him in your life.
     
  7. Thirdlegproduction

    Thirdlegproduction Formerly WhiteMonst3r
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    Takes two to tango, why is she forgiven and the friend is a prick?
     
  8. jtmony08

    jtmony08 Member

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    I believe most marriages can survive infidelity. However, this is not your typical situation. I believe you could forgive your wife had she not cheated with someone so close to you. Your best friend is not much of a best friend. I don't care how much you try, you'll never be able to trust her 100%. You'll go through the effort, but it will never happen. If you do, you're only setting yourself up for another let down. Think of it like this. You're the left over. What would happen if he said he wanted to be with her?
     
  9. twoton

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    It's one thing to try to save the marriage. I know at least one couple that went through counseling and came out stronger.
    But if she went back to Italy to see him, that's kind of a strong message about where she stands. If she still has feelings for him, is your marriage over?
     
  10. aglets

    aglets Member

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    Redz, you do rule. Busted.

    I now think you should end it for several new reasons, all related to you.
     
  11. MelbourneGirl

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    Yep, sounds like the OP has been doing his own thing too.
     
  12. Countryguy63

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    Wondering how many that are responding are paying attention to this??

    Good Catch :rolleyes:
     
  13. monel

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    I for one missed it. There are at least two pricks in this tale and one is not necessarily the wife. I think its time to call it quits.
     
  14. D_Judith K Rantz

    D_Judith K Rantz New Member

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    you screwed up by what Red mentioned but i'd still cut your loses and kick both their asses to the curb and move on. "don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. you'll be hearing from my divorce lawyer..."
     
    #14 D_Judith K Rantz, Jan 7, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2012
  15. jtmony08

    jtmony08 Member

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    You're getting men to give you a bj, and she's giving your best friend a bj.
     
  16. LaFemme

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    No point in giving advice anymore - he disabled his account!
     
  17. aninnymouse

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    In this case, the "friend" should have known better. If you're friends with a guy, you don't fuck his wife, unless they have an open relationship, and you know he'd be okay with it. Even then, think twice, and really, don't do it.

    So, I don't know if he feels more betrayed by his wife, or by his "friend."

    He disabled his account, so we'll probably never know.


    /It's funny people's reactions when they come here looking for advice, and get more than they bargained for.
     
  18. travis1985

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    Neither of them are innocent, but I think it counts for something that his friend came clean when asked about it, and his wife wouldn't admit her mistake.
     
  19. Thirdlegproduction

    Thirdlegproduction Formerly WhiteMonst3r
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    again, how is it worse from the friend then from the wife? Wasn't she supposed to know better as well?

    Well the way I see it, everybody is deserving everybody in this story.
     
  20. upone

    upone New Member

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    I'd say the marriage is over from both of your actions. Live long and prosper.
     
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