My wife's fantasy.

[B_frank969]

ok, i just found out the other day that my wife fantasizes about being raped. I had her handcuff and on her stomache, i was holding her down and telling her she can"t stop me, She said go ahead and rape me. I asked her if she like the thougthof being raped and she said yes.

So how many or is it common that you women fantasize about being raped?

Thanks,
Frank

 

[Doc]

My GF also has mentioned similar things. I think the thing to note is, one is a fantasy, the other is a reality. Quite a different situation.

 

[psidom]

my girlfriend likes to be spanked,pinched,stretched,pierced,fucked
but nothing with rape.
so true about the fantasy versus reality,
in nancy fridays "my secret garden" she has a section
based on womens rape fantasies.

i doubt i would fantasize about that as a woman,
BDSM is wierd enough,and as far as i can see the limit with my girlfriend.
:smile:

 

[ManlyBanisters]

I have a hard time understanding the rape fantasy.

I do have fantasies that involve forceful sex, unexpected penetration and things of that nature but I can't fantasise that the sex is unwanted as it happens. I can't fantasise about something being done to me* against my will. Yes, I can understand it being beyond my control - but that is a different thing.

* or whoever - I don't always fantasise in the first person. I wonder is that common.. hmm, I feel a thread coming on.

 

[Nala]

MB, the benefit of a fantasy is that you are in control. That's the difference -Doc mentioned- between fantasy and reality. Not every fantasy needs to become reality and I'm sure for most women contemplating rape has nothing to do with real rape. I know in some bdsm settings the fantasy has become reality, with the dominant in control of the situation. Imho it wasn't real rape though, because it was a controlled situation. However, it can be experienced as reality by the woman when she's not aware it's a set up.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

When I was 15-17 my biggest fantasy was to be raped, now it's a minor one, but I wouldn't mind it.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

I get what you are saying, Nala, but I still differentiate between the two things. For me the definition of rape is be forced into having sex when you do not want to. It's the 'not wanting to' bit I can't get past. I can fantasise about saying no and having my mind changed, I can fantasise a situation where consent is not requested, and so on - but I cannot find actual rape (where consent is withheld throughout the act) a turn on, not on any level.

If the fantasies I do have are what other women call a rape fantasy well then I guess I do - but that's not what I call rape. Sex is all about wanting for me - if I want my lover to control it it isn't about him taking it, it is about me giving it. He and I both know that.

And when I fantasise I know that. The thought of anyone (male or female) being made to have sex when they do not want to turns my stomach.

 

[jeff black]

I have a hard time understanding the rape fantasy.

I do have fantasies that involve forceful sex, unexpected penetration and things of that nature but I can't fantasise that the sex is unwanted as it happens. I can't fantasise about something being done to me* against my will. Yes, I can understand it being beyond my control - but that is a different thing.

* or whoever - I don't always fantasise in the first person. I wonder is that common.. hmm, I feel a thread coming on.

And that's what I think the OP's wife is referring to. She just used the word rape because she wants it hard, rough, and out of her control, even though she's technically in some control. Basically, she wants to be forcefucked.

 

[OhButYes]

maybe it's more of a "role playing" scenario. obviously the sex is wanted, but there is a certain amount of pretending/acting a role that is the turn on.

just throwing darts here

 

[ManlyBanisters]

That could be part of it, OhButYes, but it wouldn't do it for me - to pretend I was being raped. I can't see the turn on in that at all. I'm pretty certain it would disturb and turn off my man too, even knowing I was pretending - he just wouldn't like it.

 

[psidom]

i think from my experience and kinda studies in bdsm
that part of the "forcefullness" with some subs is because

the forcefullness TELLS them you want to interact,
and alot of submissives were so socially and spiritually neglected
because mom and dad or a Husband looked at "life" as
a huge family and jobs and soccer practice
to keep up with the jones' hence kept them from REALLY lovinganything or anyone.in that tribal sense of family,

all those years without that makes them crave it madly
but too repressed to initiate it.

the force initiates it and they resist due to repression and the force
pushes them UP to the limit...then stops,
the comedown is very stilling and soothing.
you feel like you are home and loved.

i think alot of the rape fantasies are with men whom are
non-threats,or someone that they are hot for,
so deep down it is ok...but they make it naughty for the thrill
of doing something BAD and not being reponsible for it.
just a guess.:redface:

 

[OhButYes]

That could be part of it, OhButYes, but it wouldn't do it for me - to pretend I was being raped. I can't see the turn on in that at all. I'm pretty certain it would disturb and turn off my man too, even knowing I was pretending - he just wouldn't like it.

neither would i. even when i have rough sex and there is hair pulling, neck grabbing, etc. there is a certain amount of tenderness (for lack of a better term) involved in it. wish i could think of a better word than that. i get where you're coming from because i'm of the same mind. then again, different strokes for different folks. it's amazing the breadth of ways that people get turned on in this world. i don't get the whole humiliation/cuckold thing at all, but at the same time i have exhibitionistic tendancies that have similar deep rooted origins in the desire to be exposed and/or vulnerable.

 

[Ms M]

Call it what you will, rape, total domination or forceful sex. I think most women at some point have that fantasy. I know I do.

 

[Nala]

I get what you are saying, Nala, but I still differentiate between the two things. For me the definition of rape is be forced into having sex when you do not want to. It's the 'not wanting to' bit I can't get past. I can fantasise about saying no and having my mind changed, I can fantasise a situation where consent is not requested, and so on - but I cannot find actual rape (where consent is withheld throughout the act) a turn on, not on any level.

If the fantasies I do have are what other women call a rape fantasy well then I guess I do - but that's not what I call rape. Sex is all about wanting for me - if I want my lover to control it it isn't about him taking it, it is about me giving it. He and I both know that.

And when I fantasise I know that. The thought of anyone (male or female) being made to have sex when they do not want to turns my stomach.

I know some submissive women who told me about their rape fantasies. To them it's all about power exchange, being out of control is their real turn on. I guess the 'ultimate' state of being out of control in a sexual manner is being raped.

It's not my cup of tea, I prefer to be on the domination-side of the bdsm-line.

The control 'issue' in bdsm is a bit ambivalent, the dominant is in control, but the submissive has the power to stop or pause it all whenever s/he needs it.

Speaking for myself, yes, I do have fantasies about rough sex. I don't know if someone else would call them rape fantasies, but I don't. Rape isn't fun, my fantasies are. :biggrin1:

I believe we think alike about what is fun and what is a rape fantasy and where you draw the line. I just know some people who'd beg to differ.

 

[Helloyou132]

Honestly, maybe her first sexual experience was one of rape or she was sexually abused at a young age.

 

[Nala]

Honestly, maybe her first sexual experience was one of rape or she was sexually abused at a young age.

Mine was (sexually abused from the age of 9), thank you very much. I never ever had fantasies about him or whatever he did to me, it would make my stomach turn instead of turn me on.

I really don't know why you suggest there could or would be any connection between such an experience and the fantasy of the OP's wife. Can you explain it please?

 

[B_Think_Kink]

Mine was (sexually abused from the age of 9), thank you very much. I never ever had fantasies about him or whatever he did to me, it would make my stomach turn instead of turn me on.

I really don't know why you suggest there could or would be any connection between such an experience and the fantasy of the OP's wife. Can you explain it please?

Easy killer put your claws away.

It's very easy for what he suggested to be true. Many people learn to love the abuse and seek to find what they think that they are missing out on. Stockholm syndrome, learning to love the abuser.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Easy killer put your claws away.

Look who's talking! LPSG's resident throat jumper :wink:

It's very easy for what he suggested to be true. Many people learn to love the abuse and seek to find what they think that they are missing out on. Stockholm syndrome, learning to love the abuser.

Yes - it is. But I have heard as many, probably more, cases where the abuse does not trigger those feelings as cases where it does. Clearly in Nala's case it doesn't and the thought of it understandably makes her uncomfortable, to say the least. I don't think her response was particularly viscious, considering.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

Look who's talking! LPSG's resident throat jumper :wink:
Yes - it is. But I have heard as many, probably more, cases where the abuse does not trigger those feelings as cases where it does. Clearly in Nala's case it doesn't and the thought of it understandably makes her uncomfortable, to say the least. I don't think her response was particularly viscious, considering.

Maybe not vicious, but that's not to say that is the cause of some peoples want or need for a rape fantasy. There are many things that cause fantasies, I just didn't think that we should be closing down someone suggestion, especially when it is probably true for some people.

 

[Nala]

Think Kink, my response wasn't vicious, my experience is just different from the Stockholm syndrome you mentioned. I always thought that Stockholm syndrome only appeared in situations like kidnapping and such. I know several women who were abused as a child, but none of them learned to love the abuse.

For what it's worth: English is not my native language, it would be easier for me to nuance things if it was.