my wifes issue with sex, help.

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by myhappypants, Mar 9, 2011.

  1. myhappypants

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    We've been married a few years now and while dating she couldn't keep her hands off me. She would call me at work to see if I were horny met me after and we'd have sex
    Now she doesn't care about sex it almost never happens and she says she doesn't get turned on by just looking at me. Is this normal for women cuz I'm frustrated and think she doesn't love like she used to.
     
  2. fire77

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    Not enough information for anyone to answer you.
     
  3. hung

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    Or as my youngest brother used to say, once they eat "Wedding Cake" they turn into non interested parties.

    No more challenge. The Hung/Conquest is over.
     
  4. fire77

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    That maybe the case for some people, not all. I've been married for few years and I can tell you each year is better than the one before and by the look of things we are enjoying it more as time goes by.
     
  5. Mike7

    Mike7 New Member

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    Is there other tension in the relationship? If so that will put a damper on her mood. Do you do stuff together outside the bedroom? Try making time for each other with a date night every week.
     
  6. petite

    petite New Member

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    Yes, it does happen with a lot of couples, but as fire77 said, it takes a lot more information to know what's going on with your wife. If you have Netflix, you might want to check out Sexual Healing, available on demand, which is a reality show about the famous sex therapist Laura Berman helping couples like yourself. Most of the couples see her because of mismatched sex drives, where one person's interest in sex is lagging, and I've seen almost all of them and I can say that there's a lot of potential reasons for it. I've found the show to be a good one to watch with my husband because we always talk a lot about sex and relationships after every episode, and those conversations have been enlightening and have helped me understand my hubby better and get closer to him. You might want to check it out, watch an episode with your wife and see if it helps make it easier to talk about things with her.
     
  7. fire77

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    myboyzrbac. How old are you (both)?
     
  8. HiddenLacey

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    Do you treat her differently now vs when you were just dating? Do you still take her to dinner, rub her feet, pick up your own laundry, hold her hand, hug her just to be near her... you know whatever you did before the wedding?
     
  9. Drifterwood

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    For the benefit of the OP, this subject has been discussed many times. Don't fall into the trap that it is all her fault, or all your fault. Does anything ever happen like that in relationships?

    There are so many reasons why people's libidos drop, so don't jump to any conclusions before you have considered them. I am slightly concerned by the comment that she isn't turned on visually anymore. I don't know, maybe if I saw Catherine Zeta Jones naked everyday, I would just get used to it.

    There is some quality research (sorry can't remember the source that I saw) which explores the different stages of a relationship for both sexes. Sex is a major part of the bonding process, and the argument goes, when that bond is sealed, then the sex becomes less important.

    Another general misunderstanding between the sexes is that men's sex drive stays pretty much the same throughout their lives (save for stress etc etc). Women's sex drive is as volatile as their hormone levels. An issue that us guys just don't have to and probably wouldn't be able to deal with. I think I heard a psychiatrist once say that if men's testosterone swung like women's oestrogen, then there wouldn't be a stone left standing on the planet.

    Personally I think that the best realtionships are those in which needs are communicated and accepted by each partner. She may not want sex as much but she should care about your sex drive being dealt with. And vice versa as in all these instances.

    Anyway, good luck.
     
  10. M40sumthng

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    If your wife is in her 40's or older, there could be a hormone deficiency. My wife is in her early 50's and recently had hormone replacement therapy where 3 hormone "pellets" (each about the size of a Tic Tac) were placed in a small incision in her buttock. We could see a definite change within 4 days. I am VERY pleased with the results and am considering having it myself so I can keep up with her!! :)
     
  11. helgaleena

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    No interest in sex is a sign of general unhappiness with life. Get her some therapy, and make sure she is not hiding the true reason. In the mean time, do something special for her as a treat, a romantic 'date' which pampers her a bit and makes her feel desired rather than forced.
     
  12. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    It is normal for some women, but it's also normal for some men - don't go thinking this only happens with one gender or another. During the first few years both parties seem to be affected by new relationship hormones. After that though it seems that most people settle back down into whatever libido level is normal for them. For some people, that normal level is quite low.

    There could also be other things going on, but as others have said, it's impossible to tell from what you've posted.
     
  13. myhappypants

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    I've done a lot of the stuff mentioned here. Special weekend away date nites you name it. One time away we sat and watched last american virgin and nothing. And recently I turned our bedroom into a honeymoon suite soft music stuff from our wedding and rose pedals on the bed backrub foot massage we made love she had the big O twice. But she nev er initiates and thinks sex is gross what do I do. She wasn't like this before. We've even been to the Grand Hotel on Machinaw island twice for a marriage retreat.
     
    #13 myhappypants, Mar 10, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2011
  14. Drifterwood

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    Has she told you this explicitly and recently?
     
  15. EllieP

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    Darling, you're going to need more help than you can get from any of us. I'm sorry that both of you are in this situation. It requires work to maintain a relationship, and I've seen so many marriages without a working relationship. But both of you have to work at it. If it's one-sided then it will topple over, plain as that. One-sided relationships breed resentment, frustration and finally hatred. Don't let it fall into that.

    Dialog is the most important thing, and if she doesn't want to talk about it then that's the biggest sign of trouble.

    Seriously, get help from a professional. Start with your doctor.

    I hope you guys work this out.
     
  16. blondbabygirl

    blondbabygirl New Member

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  17. joeym

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    Maybe she's turned off by those stupid bikini briefs?
     
  18. helgaleena

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    Two marriage retreats, was this from a counseling service of some kind? Srsly, take Elli's advice and get her health checked.
     
  19. B_Bjen2848

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    ^this^

    or she's probably getting sex somewhere else because women are human too lol, they want sex just as much as men
     
  20. cbrmale

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    Read the linked article and you will find that's not the case at all. Most women had lower sex drives before marriage, became more sexual when first in love and then declined to normal for them. The ones who had the better sex lives were the ones who had sex despite not really being in the mood, and their husbands responded with more love and affection than the other couples where the husband seethed with frustration and resentment! These women also reported that once it started, sex still felt good anyway.

    I once had a long-term illness which sapped my natural sex drive, but I had sex regularly which was only fair on my wife, and like the women in the book I always enjoyed it once it started anyway. So whenever I read online postings about 'help me, I haven't had sex with my wife for six years', I remember my experience and think that a half-hour of closeness and intimacy isn't a big thing to give your partner, even if you're not in the mood.
     
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