Nasty Judgments

Discussion in 'Underwear, Clothing, and Appearance Issues' started by B_Rob15, Nov 18, 2008.

  1. B_Rob15

    B_Rob15 New Member

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    "Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged."

    I am generally considered by most I know to be young and cute, but I don't feel that gives me the right nor the need to judge others who are a lot older or generally considered less attractive people.

    If you have a great body and wear a speedo, great, if I think you don't look good in one, that's just my opinion and I'll try to keep it to myself. The say something nice about the post above yours type of idea is a beautiful thing.

    When I first started coming to this site I met a lot of very interesting guys of different ages, body types, and experiences. Many people shared freely about very diverse thoughts and experiences without excessive whining, judgments, or attacks.

    But lately so many threads complain about older, or what they call 'ugly' guys looking. About fathers or others of different ages who dare to be naked around those of their own gender. There is even a lot of things that seem to pit so-called str8s against so-called gays, etc.

    If I have ever done this, I'm sorry and I think there should be less of it here.
    That's just my opinion, I am not looking to be attacked or judged for it. But I was wondering if anyone else agreed with what I was noticing about all this ageism, attacks against people who may not look as good as others in the majorities opinion, and about others' freedoms and lifestyle choices, or orientations, etc., etc., etc. In other words a whole lot of judging of our fellow man and his right to be, or look, different and diverse, or make different choices or interpretations or views of his own life experiences even if some others don't always agree. The rights of minorities are not always be challenged by the perceived or even actual majorities. This is being lost in some our cultures and is evidenced in some of the current debates in the U.S.A. over same-gender marriage equality.

    We don't all have to agree, but we don't have to so often perhaps post threads or replies that complain so much about people who are different than ourselves or the even majority view. It is a dangerous trend to judge others so much and try to deny or always whine about or complain about others' freedoms to look at what or who they want when they want, for others to live as they choose to live and with whom they choose to and recognize some equal rights to those freedoms and others.

    I don't care who looks at me in my real life, if their eyes work and I am in public they have every right to use there eyes, I also wish less people were as repressed as so many seem to be these days in some parts of the U.S.A. So I will promote more tolerance of freedoms of expression when I can and try to live as an example of that even when it's not always perhaps easy.

    Some people still think gays are evil wrong and should be outlawed, others think nudity in a locker room should be if they judge it excessive. So much judging, can lead to everyone's freedoms to be as they choose and live as they choose to be evaporated.

    "They began to name-call, label as criminals those who were different,
    or had views, lives, or identities they disagreed with, or they labeled as dangerous, abnormal, or other such things."
    “First they came for the Communists
    But I was not a Communist, so I did not speak out.
    Then they came for the Socialists and Trade Unionists
    But I was not a Socialist or Trade Unionist, so I did not speak out.
    Then they came for the Jews
    But I was not a Jew, so I did not speak out.
    Then they came for the Catholics,
    I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.
    Then they came for me
    But by then there was no one left to speak out for me.”

    -Reflections on the Holocaust.
     
  2. D_Alfredo Hites

    D_Alfredo Hites Account Disabled

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    i def agree with you, and you make some good points.

    everybody does have the right to look, but the reality is there are creepy people in all aspects of life; regardless of race/ethnicity (whatever they're calling it these days), gender, sexual orientation, etc.

    if someone is being stared at by someone and it is making them uncomfortable they have every right to tell the other person to stop. THAT person is rude to be purposely staring at someone intentionally trying to give off that "vibe".

    i certainly wouldn't want to make someone feel uncomfortable. therefore, if i am doing something that i feel is making them uncomfortable, i make an effort to stop.


    i don't see any purpose in judging others as long as they are not causing harm to anyone. lets just all get along ;)
     
  3. Dave NoCal

    Gold Member

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    It seems to me that the issue the OP is addressing in his great post is the assumption of some writers that men above a certain age do not have the right to be seen in public. I fully agree with his comments but will add that guys who lurk, stare, and never work out are breaking the implicit contract of the locker room which is, or was: You engage in exercise, change clothes, shower, steam, sauna, etc, talk with the guys you already know, get dressed, and get out. Guys who lurk and stare are more commonly older, in my experience, but there have been younger ones. The gym I go to has a wide range of ages and has few of these problems.

    There was one guy a few years back who never worked out, entered and left the gym several times a day, hung out naked in the locker room literally for hours on end, would stake out the sauna WITH THE DOOR OPEN to watch who was coming in from the pool so he could go join them for his fifteenth shower of the day. My husband and I knew him a "creepy guy" and he eventually went away. I suspect his membership was revoked, about four years too late.

    Generally though, the locker room is fairly friendly. The guys I talk with range from late twenties to mid-eighties and everyone is considerate. I carefully avoid staring or even glancing more than once, even though I love looking at fit men's bodies, in order to avoid causing anyone discomfort.

    Dave
     
  4. B_Rob15

    B_Rob15 New Member

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    Well said, and there is no need for us guys to be any more rude about not being interested in someone than we would want girls to be if they decide they are not interested in a good nice friend of ours who might be attracted to them for example. There is no need to be threatening or bitchy etc. Looking a lot even is fine, but if it goes to like ongoingly stalking me to attempt to pick me up or something and I'm not interested then I have always found that usually a simple, polite, non-homophobic, something like "I'm not interested, bro, thanks", usually is more than enough. But usually it doesn't even come to that, and non-verbal signals are usually more than enough. The thing is we can not always control what others are or do, but we can control how we choose to react or be effected by it.

    If people have eyes and are going to look at me anyhow, since I have little control over that, I choose to put the positive spin that ok might as well take it as a compliment and realize that unless they do something to really try to harm me, it's no big deal in the great scheme of things. And I certainly won't go on and on putting them down to my friends, making fun of them, bashing them in posts here etc. just for looking and/or being interested when I am not. That kind of negative energy and bad karma doesn't contribute much on my part I feel, so why bother or respond like that. Also, by sometimes not embarrassing someone eventually I have ended up a few times in conversations with them and often found them to be much better people to know than I might have assumed from just their intial appearance or perhaps at first seemingly unwelcome interest in me. People are usually much more complex and have value beyond moments when their hormones are simply getting the beter of them, or they become a bit overwhelmed by an attraction. We are all humans, stuff happens, and it's usually not as big a deal or fuss as we could make out of it if we so choose.

    One last thought for now. Apparently I am attractive now, but God-forbid if I was in horrible accident, or who knows what will happen as we all get older, etc., in other words I try to keep in mind something along the lines of the phrase, "there but for the grace of God go I". And even if I could never under any circumstances see myself looking or staring even like I have seen some others do etc., I find some of my friends very much into older guys, some people like beefy guys, some people like the same gender, some the opposite gender, some both, etc. and you can never know if someone might be interested if you don't show your interest first sometimes. So if someone is showing interest, I try to give them credit for taking a chance on rejection, and not think, "are they kidding me, don't they know they're not my type?" etc, lol. Every time you step up to the plate, there is a chance you may get a hit, even a homerun, or you may strike out, but I suppose it's better to be in the game no matter who you are than just spending life in the stands watching it pass you by.
     
    #4 B_Rob15, Nov 19, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2008
  5. B_JasonDawgxxx

    B_JasonDawgxxx New Member

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    Than the same must be said for the older guys on here that call people 'stupid twinks". Dont ya think?
     
  6. B_Rob15

    B_Rob15 New Member

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    !00% percent. Thank you Jason for raising that. I have, myself been called that, or called a dumb young jock, etc.

    And just because someone likes people 18 or older who look like what some call skinny twinks they shouldn't be attacked for their preference or orientation either. I hate it when someone who either may be 18 themselves or even older and says that they think Cody Linely on DWTS is attractive for example, or 21 year old Zac Efron etc., and then others call them pedos or bash them as a skinny little twinks, over and over and over again etc.

    It is just as bad as bashing someone who is 25 and likes older guys, or someone into beefy guys, etc. If someone is not your type, or into something you are not, there is often no need for so much bashing, name-calling, judging negatively etc.

    This site, and others like it are often at their best when people can find what they are interested in and others like them on various threads and just not bother with the threads that are not their particular cup of tea as they say, or not to their interest and liking. Instead of bashing a group of people discussing their interst in beefy guys or girls, for example, perhaps just find one of more interest to you and post your positive responses and enjoyable disscusions there. The same goes for so-called twinks, nudists, older guys into younger over 18, guys into so-called MILFs etc, etc., etc. It is best to say to each his own, even if it is not your prefence or orientation, and live in peace so each person here can find places and topics they like and are able post about them in relative peace.

    Thank you, thank you thank you, Jason for raising this point. Ageism definetly goes more ways than one.
     
  7. sdbg

    Verified Gold Member

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    You've got that right! It's ironic. In my younger years, it was always "You're not old enough!" I wasn't taken seriously at work in my 20s because of my age and "the lack of maturity that comes with age". By the time that I graduated college in my 40s, my sister told me to be wary of age discrimination when looking for a job. Oh! Now I'm too old?! I didn't buy into it. I worked hard to get an accounting degree and knew that it was the matter of making the right connection. I got a job I'm happy with and very secure that my work ethic has made me difficult to replace. There are some advantages to getting older, but often they are downplayed in our culture.

    Other than how age affects our career options, age is definite factor in relationships. Youth is appealing. You don't see 50 year old women in Playboy for good reasons. Recently, 2 on line friends (54 and 62) came to visit me in San Diego. I watched the 54 year old guy hit on everything that walks at happy hour one evening. To each his own, but I found his behavior to be desperate. Part of getting older is that we don't have as much appeal as when we were in our 20s. It's part of life that we have to accept. As far as the trolls that hang out at a gym locker room, that's pathetic (just my opinion). The norm is to go there, work out, do the steam or sauna, shower, and leave. I can see why many guys get creeped out by the trolls. They give older guys a bad name.

    In the end, I have my opinions on everything, yet I try to practice "Live and let live". It doesn't have to be my way all the time. I've seen a lot of bashing on LPSG, and it's too bad that some people can't disagree without it turning into a war with words. Despite our differences, we face some enormous challenges in the years ahead. We'll have better success overcoming obstacles if we work together instead of tearing eachother apart.
     
  8. B_Rob15

    B_Rob15 New Member

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    Well said. You seem to me to be an attractive person, and no I don't mean just your physical appearance or your looks, I mean your overall way of being and the way you express yourself, etc. I may be relatively young but I have already learned there is more than one way to find something very attractive in a person.

    And I very much like the way you distinguish between your opinions, which may come into your head about your friends or others, and how you seem to recognize that these perhaps are nothing more than just initial opinions of yours. I think it is cool that you try to practice, 'live and let live' as you say. If someone is naked there and looking, is it really that big a deal? It may not be our choice but it's not the end of the world, lol.

    I believe it is great that you seem to have perspective on there being really much bigger problems in this world than a negative initial opinion we may have of someone we may see naked for a while in a locker room or whatever, and having some good perspective about that. Bravo.
     
  9. hung

    Gold Member

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    Great topic. My signature states it all.

    I really do enjoy life and have very little time to worry about the small stuff.
     
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