Need advice... a4a chat concern?

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Hey Guy..... I like to think of myself as a pretty well rounded guy. I have found myself in the most interesting chat with a guy on A4A hookup site. Having a difficult time deciding is this guy is on the up and up. We have been chatting now for 3 day. He is a policeman , a sweet guy. Our chats are not one sided. He asks me real questions about my life. Not just little.. "this and that stuff" but detailed stuff. He shares with me what it's like being in Law Enforcement. Going to court, stuff like that.... Just setting the stage...OK

Like I stated he is a policeman and uses it in his username. He messaged me first, in the usual way, Then as he was telling me more about him. It immediately turn into something different. More of a way for him to release himself of guilt in his current life situation. We all have heard of this type of sad situation.. Married out of disrepair due to environment and family issues. He has a teen child. You know the whole Straight Family Look. Even though he knew he was Gay at a young age....Me being me, I was letting him know a lot of guys are in his shoes. Trying to give him encouraging advice. He let me know that I made him feel comfortable. That is why he was sharing this part of his life. Because of how I made him feel about himself....soon our chat turned into the normal chats on a hook up site. We started chatting about Fantasies. Some of his were normal. He would throw in things from his youth as references to his fantasy. A few were taboo to the point that person might end up in jail. He told me he does not feel bad about his fantasies, because he would never actually engage in them. My response was "we all have different fantasies. You can't help what you think about no matter how extreme" I never would ask him anything in detail about his fantasies. The whole time I'm thinking, Damn, this is a cop and he is fantasizing about this stuff. Is he trying to get me to engage with him and chat about this in detail to see how I feel about this type of fantasy. Is he trying to entrap me, for discussing such things?...I have No Clue... Am I over reacting ...thoughts or opinions?
 

gr8gatsby

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Hey Guy..... I like to think of myself as a pretty well rounded guy. I have found myself in the most interesting chat with a guy on A4A hookup site. Having a difficult time deciding is this guy is on the up and up. We have been chatting now for 3 day. He is a policeman , a sweet guy. Our chats are not one sided. He asks me real questions about my life. Not just little.. "this and that stuff" but detailed stuff. He shares with me what it's like being in Law Enforcement. Going to court, stuff like that.... Just setting the stage...OK

Like I stated he is a policeman and uses it in his username. He messaged me first, in the usual way, Then as he was telling me more about him. It immediately turn into something different. More of a way for him to release himself of guilt in his current life situation. We all have heard of this type of sad situation.. Married out of disrepair due to environment and family issues. He has a teen child. You know the whole Straight Family Look. Even though he knew he was Gay at a young age....Me being me, I was letting him know a lot of guys are in his shoes. Trying to give him encouraging advice. He let me know that I made him feel comfortable. That is why he was sharing this part of his life. Because of how I made him feel about himself....soon our chat turned into the normal chats on a hook up site. We started chatting about Fantasies. Some of his were normal. He would throw in things from his youth as references to his fantasy. A few were taboo to the point that person might end up in jail. He told me he does not feel bad about his fantasies, because he would never actually engage in them. My response was "we all have different fantasies. You can't help what you think about no matter how extreme" I never would ask him anything in detail about his fantasies. The whole time I'm thinking, Damn, this is a cop and he is fantasizing about this stuff. Is he trying to get me to engage with him and chat about this in detail to see how I feel about this type of fantasy. Is he trying to entrap me, for discussing such things?...I have No Clue... Am I over reacting ...thoughts or opinions?

Sounds like you might be being baited ... I'd be cautious.
 

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We'll see what others say. I doubt it's entrapment and I wouldn't read too much into it. Maybe he just doesn't have that many people to talk to... Who knows, maybe he isn't even a cop? I would just roll with it and enjoy the back and forth banter.
 

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Two weeks ago, a guy I had been chatting with on A4A, came over to my place one day. Ended up he was an ex Oklahoma Highway Patrol officer. Ends up he sucks a mean dick. Gave him two loads. He's coming back. You just never know.
 

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I doubt it's entrapment. As was said, unless you're talking about something involving minors, in most states same sex marriage is legal. So what's illegal about meeting someone via a website? There's lots of websites for guys to kook up with women, FLING being an example.
 

cbxer55

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Oh, one other thing. Kind of a warning. I had been chatting with a guy there, and set a meet up at a local restaurant with an outdoor patio. At the appointed time, I was the only one on the patio, when two young chicks showed up and started flirting with me. Red Alert flags popping off. Went inside and ignored them. WTF?
 
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cbxer55

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And also, most of the profiles and pics are fake, or of the guy at a much younger age. Had one guy come over three weeks ago. His profile said 190 pounds and 6.5 cock. Reality, 250 pounds and 4 inch cock. And he looked older than the 43 his profile claimed he is. I managed to give him one, but he won't be coming back.
 

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Hey Guy..... I like to think of myself as a pretty well rounded guy. I have found myself in the most interesting chat with a guy on A4A hookup site. Having a difficult time deciding is this guy is on the up and up. We have been chatting now for 3 day. He is a policeman , a sweet guy. Our chats are not one sided. He asks me real questions about my life. Not just little.. "this and that stuff" but detailed stuff. He shares with me what it's like being in Law Enforcement. Going to court, stuff like that.... Just setting the stage...OK

Like I stated he is a policeman and uses it in his username. He messaged me first, in the usual way, Then as he was telling me more about him. It immediately turn into something different. More of a way for him to release himself of guilt in his current life situation. We all have heard of this type of sad situation.. Married out of disrepair due to environment and family issues. He has a teen child. You know the whole Straight Family Look. Even though he knew he was Gay at a young age....Me being me, I was letting him know a lot of guys are in his shoes. Trying to give him encouraging advice. He let me know that I made him feel comfortable. That is why he was sharing this part of his life. Because of how I made him feel about himself....soon our chat turned into the normal chats on a hook up site. We started chatting about Fantasies. Some of his were normal. He would throw in things from his youth as references to his fantasy. A few were taboo to the point that person might end up in jail. He told me he does not feel bad about his fantasies, because he would never actually engage in them. My response was "we all have different fantasies. You can't help what you think about no matter how extreme" I never would ask him anything in detail about his fantasies. The whole time I'm thinking, Damn, this is a cop and he is fantasizing about this stuff. Is he trying to get me to engage with him and chat about this in detail to see how I feel about this type of fantasy. Is he trying to entrap me, for discussing such things?...I have No Clue... Am I over reacting ...thoughts or opinions?

Not over reacting. Its natural to be skeptical. It could be the real thing, it may not be. I was once catfished through grindr. I was able to perform a reverse lookup on his pictures and found them all over. I was then able to call him out on it.

If he is comfortable sharing his fantasies, but you are not comfortable with what he is in to, let him know. Just something simple as, "Its great you have fantasies, I personally haven't felt this way" It could be a mood killer, but if you are generally interesting in continuing to chat with him, you gotta set boundaries. Cops can have dirty minds, and may enjoy fantasizing about the taboo. Everyone has their preferences. The important thing is to make it clear when you are not totally comfortable. If he is the real deal, he will understand. Just don't shame him for his fantasies. You may have some that he is not into.
 

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Not over reacting. Its natural to be skeptical. It could be the real thing, it may not be. I was once catfished through grindr. I was able to perform a reverse lookup on his pictures and found them all over. I was then able to call him out on it.

If he is comfortable sharing his fantasies, but you are not comfortable with what he is in to, let him know. Just something simple as, "Its great you have fantasies, I personally haven't felt this way" It could be a mood killer, but if you are generally interesting in continuing to chat with him, you gotta set boundaries. Cops can have dirty minds, and may enjoy fantasizing about the taboo. Everyone has their preferences. The important thing is to make it clear when you are not totally comfortable. If he is the real deal, he will understand. Just don't shame him for his fantasies. You may have some that he is not into.
Thanks for your thoughts. We are still chatting. I feel comfortable with him now. Our chats are moving back and forth between fun and family life. It most likely will just remain a friendship on A4A. Im good with that...
 

aaroneast

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Thanks for your thoughts. We are still chatting. I feel comfortable with him now. Our chats are moving back and forth between fun and family life. It most likely will just remain a friendship on A4A. Im good with that...

That's great! Glad to hear it has turned out for the better.
 
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