Need Advice About My Son Please!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by bill42, Nov 25, 2009.

  1. bill42

    bill42 New Member

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    My ex wife and i divorced several years ago, and my oldest son, now 18, chose to live with me. we have always been very comfortable around each other, being around each other in our underwear or naked is no big deal. we dont make a big show about it, its just natural for us. but now my younger son, who is 12 now, has also chosen to come and live with me now that he can decide. the other morning we were at the table eating breakfast when my older son walked into the kitchen in his boxers with some obvious morning wood. my younger son became extremely uncomfortable and left the room immediately. he has seen both of us naked or in underwear since he moved in, and it really seems to bother him. he always locks his door or the bathroom door and is not comfortable with nudity at all. what should i do? i dont want him to be uncomfortable, but i also dont want me or my older son to have to change the way we are. any advice would be appreciated.
     
  2. GADawg2

    GADawg2 New Member

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    You need to have a talk with him and discuss what we men do etc.
     
  3. SpoiledPrincess

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    He's at a difficult age, give him some support and cover up in communcal areas of the house. He's still a child but he'll be starting puberty, this is a time when he can be uncomfortable about anything remotely sexual. It's your house, your other son is his brother, it's a small thing to do for him until he's at an age where he's more comfy with him own and others non sexual nakedness.
     
  4. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    I really don't know the answer but one thing you do have to bear in mind that he has grown up in a different environment to your older son. You both need to take that into account and with the passage of time trust and comfort will build as the younger one learns to bond with you both.
     
  5. bill42

    bill42 New Member

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    thanks for the advice everyone. i tried to talk to him and he said he wasnt comfortable talking about stuff with me. i asked if he would be more comfortable with his brother, and they are still in his room talking now. hopefully all goes well and they can bond a little...they are not really close since they havent spent much time together
     
  6. Gaydane

    Gaydane New Member

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    I myself was excactly like that when I was 12-14 years old. I was very shy and couldn´t even show myself in underpants or speedos in front of my parents. And I hated when adults tried to force me to nudity. So my advice is that you should not force him to see you and your oldest son naked if he really does hate it. It is necessary to threat such puberty-boys with a lot of discretion and attention.....maybe you could also talk to him about it, but I myself at that age even hated when people wanted to talk with me about that stuff, so I don´t know LOL
     
  7. helgaleena

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    He might feel easier talking with your other son because he fears that if he says or does something wrong you will make him move out. I am glad the talking with him is working out many different things.
     
  8. Countryguy63

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    Good Luck. I know people have been raising kids forever, but knowing how to do it correctly can be soo difficult!

    Please let us know the outcome of he and his brother's discussion
     
  9. lvsxy808

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    Well, I say that walking around in your boxer shorts is fine, but walking around in your boxer shorts with a blatant erection is not fine. I think your older son has to take some responsibility for making the younger one uncomfortable, not just the younger one for being uncomfortable.
     
  10. Omegaman

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    Bill, your younger son has to adopt to a man world. He has not because he was living around his mother, which was the trait that he saw from her. Covering up with her boys, now he has to be comfortable and get to use to manly behavior. Things we do around men, we don't around woman who might see it as gross. A morning woody a woman might find offense, but everyman know what happen in the morning. He is going through changes from boy to manhood and that where you come in. Acknowledge that you as a boy go through puberty and felt the same, but we you as his father its okay to ask questions.

    When my son who was 4 I think saw my naked from the bathroom, ask why I had hair around my peepy. I told him that when he grow up to be a man that will happen to him. He just say oh. Now he don't ask anymore. The more your son is around you, he will loose his inhibition about a male body.
     
  11. bill42

    bill42 New Member

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    well they seem to have worked everything out. my older son said that his brother was embarrased because he felt like he was so young and undeveloped compared to us. he hasnt developed very much so far, and he had a lot of questions about puberty because he has never really been talked to about the male body and the changes that are coming for him. they talked about things and we have agreed to definitely be more modest around the house and always be open to talk to if he needs us
     
  12. dolfette

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    put some pants on!
    it's no hardship to you and it'll help him settle in.
    he has enough changes on his plate already,
    so make his life a little bit more comfortable.
     
  13. flint1

    flint1 New Member

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    unbarebly difficuilt age
    living with his mom has nothing to do with matters
    good thing his older brother speeched him over
    give him some space.......... 2 years maybe
    it's a tiny bearing to get him settled into uoyr environment
    your older son is grown up as well and will abide

    ALL of the very best !!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  14. D_Polyphebus Hammertoe

    D_Polyphebus Hammertoe Account Disabled

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    Many kids tend to rebel from their parents. I grew up in Austin, Texas with super hippie parents who smoked grass, and took me to the local nude beach across the lake every weekend as a kid. Needless to say, nudity was a several times daily occurrence in our household lol. As a kid, I totally freaked out and was the opposite from them. In fact, I didn't drink until I was 22, and only smoked pot for the first time a couple years ago. I've come full circle with the nudity thing too, I just don't give a fuck now. But growing up, I was SUPER modest as a reaction to my folk's 'anything goes as long as no one is getting hurt' mentality. They tried to talk to me about all this, but I was just innately prudish. Your son will be fine. Just understand that not everyone shares the same values... even in the same family. :smile:
     
  15. monet

    monet New Member

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    The home isn't a nudist colony, Bill. You're questioning why your 12 year old son is uncomfortable when you're wandering around the house naked or half naked? That's a bit disturbing. Shirtless isn't a big deal, but it seems like you're forcing him to be comfortable with being naked by displaying yourself like that.

    No offense, but being a guy doesn't mean you can't be insecure about your body. He's a young boy going through puberty and all and that's the prime time for insecurities and identity seeking. It seems really disturbing to me that you, as the adult figure, are fine with displaying your nakedness around the house and then make it out like the 12 year old's issue with that is the problem.
     
    #15 monet, Nov 27, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2009
  16. cock23

    cock23 New Member

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    I think dolfette summarised it perfectly for you. Your younger son clearly isn't comfortable with the nakedness in your house, at least not yet, and the best thing you can do is put some clothes on until he settles in and becomes more comfortable.
     
  17. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

    D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead Account Disabled

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    At that age, moving from one household to another is a big deal. Kids his age don't have a really good sense of self yet, and something that might not disturb him at another time in life could be a real trigger right now. I think you've gotten some good advice ... and keep those lines of communication open! Good luck!
     
  18. hud01

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    To my mind, there is never a time when it is ok for a father to see his son with a morning woody. He should learn to wait until it goes down before coming out.

    The fact that it bothers the younger boy doubles it.
     
  19. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    Is that not just how we have been conditioned to think though?
     
  20. freeballininnyc

    freeballininnyc Active Member

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    To all the people who say "cover up until the 12 year old becomes more comfortable", um, how does THAT work? If they're covered, there's nothing for him to be comfortable with. Also, it's the Dad's house and he and the 18 year old are comfortable with nakedness, morning wood, etc. I understand that the 12 year old isn't used to it and is shy and not developed, etc., but acting like everything should stop because of his insecurities doesn't stop the insecurities. There doesn't seem to be anything inappropriate going on - communal nudity, even with boners, around men shouldn't be a big deal. Loosen up people!
     
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