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- Nov 28, 2007
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hey family--
I'm in a LTR-- 3yrs this weekend!! I'm very proud of that and truly love the guy so much. There's total monogamy-- never cheated, and I'm 99.99% sure he's been faithful to me, too.
Sexually, we're going thru a long, dry spell. We're in our mid 40's. Our last real sex was back in February! Some light nipple play and a pitiful mutual j/o on the den couch in June, but nothing else.
Prior to February, our last sex was Memorial Day weekend 2007-- and even that was forced and very tense!! We argued so bad afterwards that I promised myself that I would never initiate sex again. And I didn't! We almost broke up over it until he agreed to get some counseling-- not just about sex, but his life in general. And I agreed to go to counseling with him, too. His therapist is great-- has really helped. A little while ago, we learned that he has a low testosterone count. So, he's been taking some medication-- nothing internal. Six weeks later-- STILL NO SEX....NO NOOKIE....NOTHING!!
Whenever I bring up the sex topic (which is not often, b/c I know it upsets him), he says that I am being selfish and only thinking of myself; that sex isn't everything in a relationship; and that compared to other gay men out there, he's still a good partner to have. I mentioned sex tonight, only b/c I thought that, with this being our anniversary, he would definitely want to be passionate and make love-- or at least just give me some dick for being so damn patient for a f-in 1.5 years!!
The most frustrating thing about all this is that I am still so painfully attracted to this man. And I know what some of you are thinking now. But no, HE IS DEFINITELY NOT "Vogue-beautiful" or "Mr. Olympian", yet he still turns me on even more than Wayne Newton-- lol. Like a teenage boy-crush, I still fantasize and often resort to j/o thinking about him (mostly mornings after he's showered and left for work). This is ridiculous! I can't believe that this is the same guy who, during our first year together, practically raped me every weekend. I screamed and I loved it! Now, we sleep in separate rooms.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
I do not think that I deserve to (or should) stay in a sex-less LTR. But if I say that I love him unconditionally, then does that mean that I should stay?
I am truly stressed-out, pent-up, shamefully horny and hopelessly in love with this guy!!
(Sorry for the long post. I just had to vent!!)
I'm in a LTR-- 3yrs this weekend!! I'm very proud of that and truly love the guy so much. There's total monogamy-- never cheated, and I'm 99.99% sure he's been faithful to me, too.
Sexually, we're going thru a long, dry spell. We're in our mid 40's. Our last real sex was back in February! Some light nipple play and a pitiful mutual j/o on the den couch in June, but nothing else.
Prior to February, our last sex was Memorial Day weekend 2007-- and even that was forced and very tense!! We argued so bad afterwards that I promised myself that I would never initiate sex again. And I didn't! We almost broke up over it until he agreed to get some counseling-- not just about sex, but his life in general. And I agreed to go to counseling with him, too. His therapist is great-- has really helped. A little while ago, we learned that he has a low testosterone count. So, he's been taking some medication-- nothing internal. Six weeks later-- STILL NO SEX....NO NOOKIE....NOTHING!!
Whenever I bring up the sex topic (which is not often, b/c I know it upsets him), he says that I am being selfish and only thinking of myself; that sex isn't everything in a relationship; and that compared to other gay men out there, he's still a good partner to have. I mentioned sex tonight, only b/c I thought that, with this being our anniversary, he would definitely want to be passionate and make love-- or at least just give me some dick for being so damn patient for a f-in 1.5 years!!
The most frustrating thing about all this is that I am still so painfully attracted to this man. And I know what some of you are thinking now. But no, HE IS DEFINITELY NOT "Vogue-beautiful" or "Mr. Olympian", yet he still turns me on even more than Wayne Newton-- lol. Like a teenage boy-crush, I still fantasize and often resort to j/o thinking about him (mostly mornings after he's showered and left for work). This is ridiculous! I can't believe that this is the same guy who, during our first year together, practically raped me every weekend. I screamed and I loved it! Now, we sleep in separate rooms.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
I do not think that I deserve to (or should) stay in a sex-less LTR. But if I say that I love him unconditionally, then does that mean that I should stay?
I am truly stressed-out, pent-up, shamefully horny and hopelessly in love with this guy!!
(Sorry for the long post. I just had to vent!!)
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