need advice on picking up girls

[cgttown]

I read the original post a couple of days ago and thought to myself that the guy must be clueless so I wasn't going to bother to respond. However, since it's still a topic of conversation, and some of the advice here seems a bit shallow (in my perspective anyway), I was compelled to comment.

First, let me explain that I'm no Adonis. I'm a regular guy who's average looking and a bit on the short side (5'8"). I'm intelligent and have a professional career and a graduate degree, but I don't make a ton of money. I don't drive a flashy car. I am in decent shape for a man my age with a job that is not physical in nature, but, like many guys in their forties, I could stand to lose a few. In short, I'm not an exceptional physical specimen (and even my cock is slightly above average and not OMG!).

That said, I have no trouble getting a woman's attention. I'm married so I'm not flirting or trying to pick up women at the moment, but I have never had any trouble throughout college and my adult life dating women or getting their attention. Why? Because I am truly interested in them as people. I ask women what they think and then I listen to what they say. I pay attention to how they look and compliment them on what I find attractive (which, by the way, is lots of things). I look them in the eye, smile at them, and tend to enjoy their presence.

Additionally, I keep up on what is going on the world, can discuss something other than sports, appreciate various types of music, am well-read, and can cook very well. I appreciate chick flicks (although I enjoy more testosterone-charged movies, too), can engage in witty repartee, and I don't leave socks on the floor. I put the toilet seat down after I pee, spend more time making sure my sexual partner is enjoying herself than worrying about my climax, and know how to have a conversation where I am not the one doing most of the talking.

In my experience, attracting women is more about actually being interested in them for who they are and what they bring than it is about a gimmick. Lots of the "techniques" (at least from what I understand) are really about tricking a woman into thinking you are some certain kind of man. I've found it much easier to BE the kind of man women like.

 

[B_Bjen2848]

That said, I have no trouble getting a woman's attention. I'm married so I'm not flirting or trying to pick up women at the moment, but I have never had any trouble throughout college and my adult life dating women or getting their attention. Why? Because I am truly interested in them as people. I ask women what they think and then I listen to what they say. I pay attention to how they look and compliment them on what I find attractive (which, by the way, is lots of things). I look them in the eye, smile at them, and tend to enjoy their presence.

Additionally, I keep up on what is going on the world, can discuss something other than sports, appreciate various types of music, am well-read, and can cook very well. I appreciate chick flicks (although I enjoy more testosterone-charged movies, too), can engage in witty repartee, and I don't leave socks on the floor. I put the toilet seat down after I pee, spend more time making sure my sexual partner is enjoying herself than worrying about my climax, and know how to have a conversation where I am not the one doing most of the talking.

In my experience, attracting women is more about actually being interested in them for who they are and what they bring than it is about a gimmick. Lots of the "techniques" (at least from what I understand) are really about tricking a woman into thinking you are some certain kind of man. I've found it much easier to BE the kind of man women like.

whoever has problems with women, read this, over and over and over again, especially the last paragraph

 

[lafever]

I read the original post a couple of days ago and thought to myself that the guy must be clueless so I wasn't going to bother to respond. However, since it's still a topic of conversation, and some of the advice here seems a bit shallow (in my perspective anyway), I was compelled to comment.

First, let me explain that I'm no Adonis. I'm a regular guy who's average looking and a bit on the short side (5'8"). I'm intelligent and have a professional career and a graduate degree, but I don't make a ton of money. I don't drive a flashy car. I am in decent shape for a man my age with a job that is not physical in nature, but, like many guys in their forties, I could stand to lose a few. In short, I'm not an exceptional physical specimen (and even my cock is slightly above average and not OMG!).

That said, I have no trouble getting a woman's attention. I'm married so I'm not flirting or trying to pick up women at the moment, but I have never had any trouble throughout college and my adult life dating women or getting their attention. Why? Because I am truly interested in them as people. I ask women what they think and then I listen to what they say. I pay attention to how they look and compliment them on what I find attractive (which, by the way, is lots of things). I look them in the eye, smile at them, and tend to enjoy their presence.

Additionally, I keep up on what is going on the world, can discuss something other than sports, appreciate various types of music, am well-read, and can cook very well. I appreciate chick flicks (although I enjoy more testosterone-charged movies, too), can engage in witty repartee, and I don't leave socks on the floor. I put the toilet seat down after I pee, spend more time making sure my sexual partner is enjoying herself than worrying about my climax, and know how to have a conversation where I am not the one doing most of the talking.

In my experience, attracting women is more about actually being interested in them for who they are and what they bring than it is about a gimmick. Lots of the "techniques" (at least from what I understand) are really about tricking a woman into thinking you are some certain kind of man. I've found it much easier to BE the kind of man women like.

You say that you've found it much easier to be the kind of man women like.
So you're not being yourself, you've just learned what they want you to be, which is the ultimate gimmick.
You're just feeding them what they want to here, and doing what you think they want, as to not cause any rift.
You're afraid of getting the nookie cut off.
That's not rocket science, just good ass kissing.
P.S.
What gave you away was the I appreciate chick flicks comment.

 

[B_Bjen2848]

You say that you've found it much easier to be the kind of man women like.
So you're not being yourself, you've just learned what they want you to be, which is the ultimate gimmick.
Your just feeding them what they want to here, and doing what you think they want, as to not cause any rift.
That's not rocket science, just good ass kissing.
What gave you away was the I appreciate chick flicks comment.

i dont think that is true, just because he'd rather be enjoyed by women while in their company, that doesnt make him an ass kisser .. if that were the case, than everyone's personality would make them an ass kisser at some point. if you find a girl you like, you're not going to go up to her and act like a jackass lol, thats just as much of a "gimmick" as the more attractive one except you end up looking like a douche

if that is being a "gimmick" than technically everyone's personality is a gimmick (which to some extent is true), what you wear, say, do etc. is just a representation of what you want others to think of you, it just so happens that some people's representation of themselves attracts more women than others, its not like you can blame the guy for it

 

[lafever]

i dont think that is true, just because he'd rather be enjoyed by women while in their company, that doesnt make him an ass kisser .. if that were the case, than everyone's personality would make them an ass kisser at some point. if you find a girl you like, you're not going to go up to her and act like a jackass lol, thats just as much of a "gimmick" as the more attractive one except you end up looking like a douche

if that is being a "gimmick" than technically everyone's personality is a gimmick (which to some extent is true), what you wear, say, do etc. is just a representation of what you want others to think of you, it just so happens that some people's representation of themselves attracts more women than others, its not like you can blame the guy for it

It's the guys that will do anything for a women that scare me, they're the ones that rob banks and kill husbands In the name of love.
And the women who control them are just as guilty.

 

[B_Bjen2848]

It's the guys that will do anything for a women that scare me, they're the ones that rob banks and kill husbands In the name of love.
And the women who control them are just as guilty.

lol i think the people who rob banks and kill husbands are facing felony charges

 

[lafever]

lol i think the people who rob banks and kill husbands are facing felony charges

It's whats going on right now that you'll hear about a year from now on CNN or the Forensic Files.

 

[ChicagoSW]

dont be afraid to get rejected, because EVERYONE gets rejected, accept for professional athletes, successful artists, and guys with more that $3 million in the bank, nobody bats over .500

Yep. Or put it in business terms. Make a lot of cold calls. Don't worry about your closing ratio.

Confidence, hygiene, humor, and an easy-going nature do wonders.

 

[fored]

Personally I feel that instead of focusing on picking up chicks, it would be better if you focused on being able to engage a girl in a conversation. I feel that that is the real hurdle for us guys. Obviously there are some guys who are natural at engaging a girl in a conversation and making her feel comfortable around him but for some of us less social guys it can be really hard.

 

[reallybigcock]

okay, im not just looking to get laid, im mostly looking for a relationship, sex is just a side goal, what i need help with is getting the balls to talk to a girl, getting a chance to talk to her without her friends around (iv found that a girls friends are my worst enemy, meaning that girls wont be as intrestid in me when there in a group) and when i finally approach them iv got nothing to say to start up a convo so i just end up looking like a dumbass.

 

[cgttown]

You say that you've found it much easier to be the kind of man women like.
So you're not being yourself, you've just learned what they want you to be, which is the ultimate gimmick.
You're just feeding them what they want to here, and doing what you think they want, as to not cause any rift.
You're afraid of getting the nookie cut off.
That's not rocket science, just good ass kissing.
P.S.
What gave you away was the I appreciate chick flicks comment.

I am being myself, and that person is a man who likes women and is interested in them. I enjoy them, listen to them, appreciate them, and like them as human beings first. That's not a gimmick, unless, of course, authenticity is a gimmick.

BTW, I do enjoy chick flicks on occasion. They tend to be more character-driven stories, which appeal to me. I think that one thing that makes a man successful with women is his ability to actually care about other people. Seriously.

The guy who view sex as all about him isn't half as good in bed as the one who views sex as another opportunity to enjoy the woman and make her feel good. The guy who cares how the other person feels--friend, lover, parent, sibling--is typically more successful in interpersonal relationships.

My point is simple. To be successful with women, actually like them and don't view them as a means to an end. It's amazing how attractive genuine interest is.

 

[lafever]

I am being myself, and that person is a man who likes women and is interested in them. I enjoy them, listen to them, appreciate them, and like them as human beings first. That's not a gimmick, unless, of course, authenticity is a gimmick.

BTW, I do enjoy chick flicks on occasion. They tend to be more character-driven stories, which appeal to me. I think that one thing that makes a man successful with women is his ability to actually care about other people. Seriously.

The guy who view sex as all about him isn't half as good in bed as the one who views sex as another opportunity to enjoy the woman and make her feel good. The guy who cares how the other person feels--friend, lover, parent, sibling--is typically more successful in interpersonal relationships.

My point is simple. To be successful with women, actually like them and don't view them as a means to an end. It's amazing how attractive genuine interest is.

You don't have to sell me, my opinion is just that. :smile:

 

[B_Bjen2848]

okay, im not just looking to get laid, im mostly looking for a relationship, sex is just a side goal, what i need help with is getting the balls to talk to a girl, getting a chance to talk to her without her friends around (iv found that a girls friends are my worst enemy, meaning that girls wont be as intrestid in me when there in a group) and when i finally approach them iv got nothing to say to start up a convo so i just end up looking like a dumbass.

its good you are looking for a relationship, try looking for girls outside of the typical places like bars or clubs because those type of girls are most likely not looking for a long term relationship, if you are looking for girls there try not to get emotionally attached because you will probably get played

and girls use their friends as a defense mechanism to fend off guys, so dont expect to just find a girl at a party/club/bar/anywhere by herself, she will be with atleast one friend

in every group of females (lets say a group of 4) each one has their own role in relation to you

the girl you want, shes probably the prettiest of the group and most likely the "leader" she is the girl who ALWAYS gets hit on, so you need to seperate yourself from the other clowns who hit on her every 12 minutes, how you do that is by engaging the other friends as well (yes even the fat bitchy one) when they are all making fun of you, bring it right back in their face (dont be mean of course, just playful teasing) and dont take anything they say too seriously, because a girls friends can make or break any chance you have with a girl .. a mistake most guys make is only engaging in conversation with the girl they want and they make themselves too obvious on their goal

and if you have a problem having a conversation with girls, that means you have a problem with having a conversation with people in general, to make yourself more comfortable, start practicing (yes practicing conversations) anywhere and everywhere, yeah it will be awkward at first, but after a while, approaching people and just chatting about nothing will be no big deal

and again, if you "look like a dumbass" who cares? just laugh it off, girls like when guys can laugh at themselves at times. whats the worst that can happen? you never see the girl again? there are a lot worse things in the world that can happen other than being slightly embarrassed for 30 seconds

 

[SpiceFromIndia]

The best way that I do is: I interact with girls and guys alike by considering them just people, you can start with that and then if it is a girl you can get into the flirt mode after some time. Do not try too hard to impress or anything. Just talk as you are talking to one of your friend and talk about anything really. Being an asian guy, it is not very easy getting girls but being casual got me nice girls as per american standards. Ofcourse you have to be presentable with your body language and dressing sense.

I have been around the world and interacted with girls in many parts, in my experience, girls in this country are very demanding and bitchy and they sort of make it a big deal about how their guy should be, come on we are people after all and who is getting benefited by your attitude, dating coaches and gurus. May be femenist ruin the whole atmosphere between the two genders, I do not know, these are the words from one of my american friend who always travel around the world for his business, and he did not disagree with me. I do like foreign girls more and it is very easy to interact with them. If you hear foriegn accent go for it, you might not get laid but you will have an opportunity to present yourself and more likely, you will have some one who can spend some time to understand you.