Need advice, sort of.

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by D_Polyxena Pasties, Jun 19, 2010.

  1. D_Polyxena Pasties

    D_Polyxena Pasties New Member

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    Ok, so I've been fucking this guy on and off for a month about. I don't think that I am up to par with him so to speak? I've not had as many sexual partners, infact... not even close.

    He's into ruff sex, and truth be told.. I figured I am to, but for some reason he .... well, I'm searching for the words here. I don't want to use the words scares me, although I did use them tonight. Scares makes it seem as if I don't trust him, because I do. But some place in my head I think that some how I'll end up with ever lasting damage? I don't know.. I'm starting to think that I'm crazy at this point.

    He can't cum easy, whitch is a huge switch from what I'm used to. He will also go soft at the drop of a dime. I'm pretty sure that these are all factors of my doing.


    Hmmm. So the advice I need is how in the hell can I become more re;axed with this guy because I REALLY want to fix the problem, and I'm sure I can fix it, because I'm convinced that it's me!


    haha
    xxx maggie
     
  2. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    I wouldnt worry about it,my ex was exactly the same as your guy and it wasnt me that was to blame.Infact i doubt blame is the correct word.Some guys are just like that,it doesnt mean that you're the cause of it.

    Is he bothered by the fact that he goes flaccid 'just like that'? If so that does have a bearing on him actually going soft or softer.

    I like rough sex too and i've not got any damage.....though it depends where and how he is doing it i suppose.
     
  3. D_Polyxena Pasties

    D_Polyxena Pasties New Member

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    I don't think he's botherd. Well he says he's not.. lol I kinda think it does bother him though. I mean, if I was him, I would be pissed off. But he says it's ok, not me etc.
     
  4. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    Then i'd be inclined to believe him,him knowing that you're thinking about it,waiting for him to go soft/softer will be there in his mind thus making it happen.

    Though i am with you on the worrying aspect as i was the same but when i thought 'what the hell,if it happens it happens' ........... it didnt as much.

    I just licked and sucked him back to being erect again.

    One thing...what is his alcohol intake like? Is he on any meds?
     
  5. D_Polyxena Pasties

    D_Polyxena Pasties New Member

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    Yeah he is on meds. A lot. Actually. That probably is it. It's just I don't know how to get past the blame game.
     
  6. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    If he wasnt happy doing you then he wouldnt would he.........

    If it was you that didnt turn him on then he'd find someone who does.....


    Due to the fact that he is still happily getting it on with you shows that it isnt you.
     
  7. Wish-4-8

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    Its not your problem at all. And really, there is nothing you can do about it. Its his issue. He came like that.

    I ususally have trouble cuming with someone new. I just know its all in my head. I never blame the girl. Although I do stay hard and have never had any issues with that or getting it up.

    This guy sounds scary. When I first read this, I imagined the evil guy from the movie Sin City, the yellow guy, that can only get erect and get off if the girl is screaming in pain and fear. And Jessica Alba is trying so hard not to give him that pleasure of being afraid so he cant get it up and rape her.
     
  8. MickeyLee

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    not the advice you're looking for. ignore at will.

    don't let your inexperience allow someone to rail road your desires or preferences. you've experimented enough to know what you like.

    since you are using *or thinking about using words* like scared..you're afraid of permanent damage.. something is off..

    he's pushing you past your boundaries. simple as that, your reservations and hesitation are closer to self preservation than to any thing like a sexual hang-up or you being crazy.

    the crazy thing is you feeling the need to please him at your own expense :frown:

    you mentioned the meds he's taking, almost a sure bet that he's having sexual side effects. needing to pound you through a mattress to achieve orgasm doesn't give him the right to. you are not obligated to to let him.

    please don't blame yourself for his medical issues :eek:

    unless he shows that he's willing to alter his behavior to find a happy middle ground for both you, you should walk away. i'm a bit cynical.. but it sounds like you're being used.


    of course it's not bothering him.. he's eventually getting his nut.. so it's not really a problem for him.
     
  9. dolfette

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    stop banging him.

    why are you banging him?
    you're not having a loving relationship, the sex is damaging to your confidence and potentially damaging to your body. so why are you doing this?

    i'm going to cross the line by a mile here, suggest that perhaps you have self esteem issues and advise you find a womens' self help group.
     
  10. HiddenLacey

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    Hmmm maybe he makes you uncomfortable and is intimidating. Maybe those are the words you are looking for. Does the way he makes you feel turn you on in an I'm afraid of this feeling way he's so aggressive and overbearing but it's sexy and my panties are on fire... or I'm afraid of him and he's going to hurt me way?

    I wouldn't worry to much about him going soft right now. It could be medication interferring or the fact that your sexual intimacy is new to him too. THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
     
    #10 HiddenLacey, Jun 19, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 19, 2010
  11. helgaleena

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    Do other things with this guy than sex and take the pressure off both of you for a bit. Get to know each other's heads better and the sex will improve all by itself!
     
  12. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

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    I was going to say, This is just a guy you are fucking? Not a BF you love? Get out of it. Not because he sounds like a bad person or anything, it's just if he is having issues like this, it's not the job for a "fuck buddy" I know a lot about dealing with other peoples mental illnesses. And it sounds like you are not having fun. At all. Just be sweet and move it to the friend zone. And meds will fuck with a guys dick so bad. It really sucks, there is not a whole lot you can do about it, it is what it is.
     
  13. ManlyBanisters

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    I'm going to second both MickeyLee and dolfette.

    Don't push yourself, or let him push you, past boundaries you are not comfortable with. His meds are very probably desensitising him but that isn't your problem. Don't let him fuck you that hard unless you really want it for you. And it doesn't sound like you do.

    If he doesn't want to fuck you as a result then he doesn't deserve to.
     
  14. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I'm not 100% sure what you're asking about, but then I'm not sure you are either. So if I'm off track and I've misinterpreted you just let me know :smile:


    This really shouldn't be a problem. If he cares about you as a person (either in a LTR way or as a fuck buddy) then it shouldn't really be a factor. And the number of sexual partners you've had doesn't equal experience anyway. For instance, I've had random sex that I learned absolutely nothing from. Although having multiple partners can help you to see what is and isn't good in a more broad sense, and can expose you to more variation, overall I think the people I've learned most from are those I've been with for a long time (either as partners or fuck buddys).




    It sounds like you're saying that you like rough sex, but he's going further than you are currently comfortable with and it's scaring you. We all have our boundaries and we each set them at different places. Just because you like sex rough, it doesn't mean you have to like ALL levels of roughness. And he should be respecting your boundaries. Maybe he is respecting your boundaries and you're just scared because you know his boundaries are at a different place to yours.

    As you seemed a little unsure of your feelings in your post (and therefore I'm not entirely sure what you're feeling) I feel I should also mention this. It is possible that you want more as well but are scared to go there. Part of the thrill of dom/sub relationships for me is having my boundaries pushed just that little bit more than I thought I was willing to go. It's always a little scary, both doing it and coming to terms with the fact that your boundaries may be changing, but I also find it immensely exciting.

    But I have to say, if the above doesn't apply then the fact that you are scared is telling you something. It is your instincts telling you that this guy is dangerous and not to be trusted. Run. Seriously, if he's scaring you, you need to get out of there.

    And the lasting damage bit . . . Physically, it depends what you're doing. Yes, there are some sexual (and not so sexual) acts that can cause lasting physical damage. It just depends what you're doing. Mentally, if you aren't comfortable then anything can cause lasting damage. Especially if he is scaring you. Think about DV victims and rape victims.


    This is probably not anything to do with you. It's probably an ongoing problem, especially if he's on meds. But even if it WAS something to do with you, would you really want to stay with him knowing that you didn't rock his world? I know I wouldn't if it was me. And if it is you, then I'm not sure there's a lot you can do about it.


    Honey, I really don't think you're the problem. And if he's scaring you as much as it seemed in your post then you need to get out now, not get more relaxed. Good luck. I hope it all goes well for you and you stay safe.
     
  15. D_Polyxena Pasties

    D_Polyxena Pasties New Member

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    Yeah, thanks for all the advice everyone. =]
     
  16. double_digit

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    My sentiments rest squarely with MB as well as Wish-4-8's. It's likely his issue, not yours in the matter. Might need to also find out if there are known problems with his medication that will cause performance issues or if it's the combination of them. Dolfette is delightfully *extreme* but cuts to the bone - if you for ANY reason feel that your safety, mental health or that you must go out on a limb to keep this fellow happy consume far more than a passing thought?

    We're not talking about rug burns here after all, they go away quickly. ;> :biggrin1:
     
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