need advice

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Imported, Jan 23, 2005.

  1. Imported

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    gecko0: I have loved a girl for the longest time. When i say a long time i mean around 15 years and we are oly 19. We have always been friends. She is the only thing that makes me afraid. I am afraid of her getting hurt or in trouble. I had always said that o would die for her if necessary. I know that may sound corny but that was the way i felt.I have told her how i have felt many times and only get mixed signals. For instance, she says we can only be friends then next she talks about being with me, like marriage. Over the past 3 years she is completely different. At college she is holding onto me but seeing lots of other guys and lieing to me about it. Of course, i am not surprised because she knows my jelousy. And i do expect her to see other guys and find out what they are like. However, my concern is that she is having sex with a majority of these guys. Now i have trouble accepting this because i was waiting for her and now i feel i cannot live with the things she has done. I wish i could let her go, but she haunts my dreams. Plus we have a history. For the past couple of months without her around i fear myself because i am not afraid of anything other than myself. I have a dilemna. I cannot go on without her, yet i cannot accept seeing her with another guy. And everytime i see her i will have feelings. I have met many girls but none can understand me as she does. So i am not attracted to any because of that, and a lot of them are more beautiful. So any advice would be helpful. Half of the help is being able to express myself, so thank you.
     
  2. yaoifun

    yaoifun New Member

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    Well if you really care about her that much, express your concern to her. Even if it sounds like a fatherly lecture, if your friends, let her know you look out for her. But also tell her you don't need or appreciate the lies, because im sure if she was upfront and honest about who she was sleeping with, it would show you she trusts you with those things, and it would hurt, yes, but a lot less than being lied to. Let her know your feelings, but don't be overly forceful and creep her out. About saving yourself for her, theres not much you can do about it, but if the time ever came you and her did it, as long as there was love in it, it wouldnt matter so much, but i know how you feel. Just be honest with her and yourself, and let her know she has a friend in ya no matter what. Thats about all i can say for now.
     
  3. Imported

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    gecko0: okay let me add some factors. She will probably want to talk over the phone instead of in person about this issue, so she can lie and not be proven wrong. She will probably deny anything she has done. If not, and she tells the truth i have another mental block. i would have a hard time loving her the way i used to because she had slept with other guys. I do not like to think about it, it really sickens me. I wish ya'll could help me with it but it is hard. Just knowing you are tested and compared to others before you, and to know other people have been with your woman and so on, etc.. You could never get along. Yet without her i would be sick too. And everytime i saw her i would be sick. I know she does not lie as a bad person. She just seems to lie to keep me from being hurt.
     
  4. TheOverlord

    TheOverlord New Member

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    mabye no one knows you like she does because youve known each other for 3/4th of your lives.

    Life is hard. Losing the ones you love is the hardest thing in the world. Talk to her about it. In person. You have to draw a definite line. Girls will play with whatever they can if you dont make a specific yes no ansrew. You have to tell her, now or never. And you have to be willing to go on with the fact if she says never.

    Hell, she may just want to try things in college. Who says she sleeping with any of them? You say this makes you mad because you waited for her, and she didn't wait for you, but welcome to this society. Sex isn't held as high on the scale of love as it use to be...and it is sickening...

    but talk to her, make sure you get a direct ansrew. If she doesnt give you one, you will have to end it and move on. Such is the way of life.
     
  5. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    All I can say is for your own sanity is to try to move on...I know it is hard - but you can't obsess over someone who can not give themselves to you completely the way you want...You are very young and time will heal everything - but you have to make a real effort to move on...Find other things that interest you and get out there and do something...The more you sit alone and ponder about this girl - the more you may get pulled in a depressing place...Find your friends and talk to someone...I have a very good friend who is having relationship problems w/his girl and it upsets me how depressed he let's himself get over his relationship...That is why I try to make myself available whenever he needs to talk to someone...
     
  6. Pepsi

    Pepsi New Member

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    You also have to think of it this way. Even if you DO lose each other (which would suck), you both will still remember each other the rest of your lives. It really is kind of hard to forget about someone that you've loved/been friends with for the last 15 years. Just try not to end it on a sour note. You might end up together later in life. Who knows.
     
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