need advice

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jakethomas11, May 21, 2010.

  1. jakethomas11

    jakethomas11 New Member

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    I need some advice about a guy that I like. We've hooked up once before, and then got to know each other, and he's a really great guy. He's 28 and I'm 21. He says that it's a big deal about the difference in our ages. I've tried to convince him that it isn't really that big of a deal. It's just a number, and if the two people feel the same way about each other than age shouldn't matter. But lately it seems he's been distancing himself from me. My friend started to talk to him, and he said that because of the age difference and that he has some issues to resolve before he gets serious, which is fine by me. I'm not looking to jump right into a serious relationship, I just want to hang out, get to know each other better, and have a good time, then see where it goes. He told my friend, that he'd like to be just friends with me, which i don't have a problem with, but he doesn't return my text messages, he never talks to me online, and doesn't reply to my emails, which makes me think that he doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm so confused about this situation!! what do you guys and gals think that I should do? Give up, and let him go. or just give him time, and see if he actually talks to me. I don't want to let him go though, 'cause he's a great guy, and if nothing else, I'd like to remain friends, it's just hard to do when he won't talk to me! :confused:
     
  2. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    Give it time... Giving up seems easier, but everyone needs some time at moments. Some more, some less, some none.
     
  3. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    If it was me I would just step back and allow him time to think. Some people see age difference as a huge deal and others see it as a complete non-issue. He is probably trying to just get his head around things and in doing so he isn't replying to your emails, IM's or text messages. I would cut back on your correspondence and if he is truly interested in being a friend he will get in touch. You reached out, you did all you can do for the time being, the ball is in his court and the next move is his.
     
  4. Stephenmass

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    Without truly trying to hurt your feelings it seems he has already let YOU go...not the other way around.
     
  5. green carnation

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    hmmm. Sorry darl, you need to take the hint and also accept that what doesnt matter to some does matter to others.
    Let it go

     
  6. Keleios

    Keleios New Member

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    In this case, giving it time and letting it go would seem remarkably similar.

    You've done all you can at the moment and you can't force someone to be friends with you.
    If he's a genuinely nice guy, then he will care about you and it may be that he's having problems sorting his thoughts out if he's both attracted to you and concerned about the age difference at the same time. It could be that he'd consider getting involved with you to be taking advantage in some way. Many things factor into this so he might be feeling just as confused or frustrated as you about the situation.

    Give him time and space for thinking about things and don't text, IM or email. He's already not replying so doing more of it could make things worse and he could perceive that as you being needy or clingy.
    It could be that given time, he makes a decision about the friendship and he'll come to you with it but don't focus on that yourself and make it a priority in your life or you'll end up worrying and then you'll be really disappointed if that's not the choice he makes.
     
  7. jtmony08

    jtmony08 Member

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    Jake, if he's not responding or replying to you, he's given you his answer. Although I must say, if he knew of your age prior to you hooking up with him, age is only his excuse. If he found out after the hook up, well....just give him his space and go on with your life. Bugging him (and I'm not saying that you are) will only drive a deeper wedge. Here's the other thing. When people are interested in each other, they general let each other know. If he's not doing that.....well, see 1st sentence above. If he's telling you he has to get over one relationship before he moves into another....well that's very mature of him.
     
  8. TomCat84

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    All of these replies are really good advice. I know it sounds cliche, but trust me dude...there are PLENTY more fish in the sea! :cool:
     
  9. jakethomas11

    jakethomas11 New Member

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    yes, thank you all for the advice. it has been very helpful. i've sent him a message, and if he responds to it, then so be it, and if not. he's made his choice clear. i'm not saying it will be easy, but it will have been made, and i'll have to respect that. thank you every one!
     
  10. lopo2000

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    Letting go is an art that everyone should master. I've learnt that letting go has its perks more than you think. Actually, when you let go, he might actually return back to you. Try to distance yourself in return, and see how he reacts.
     
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