Need help deciding what to do with a friend

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by blackdog999, Nov 14, 2011.

  1. blackdog999

    blackdog999 New Member

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    Hey guys

    So I'm really confused about a girl i've been friends with for a while now. We've been friends for about 5 months now, and we've hung out a lot and we really enjoy each others company. The thing is, about a month ago I broke up with my girlfriend and I find myself attracted to my friend now. I really just cannot stop thinking about her.

    Here's the problem, I know for a fact that I'm not the type of guy she goes out with, so my chances of being with her are slim to none. The problem is I just can't deal with her when she talks about dating other guys, sleeping with other guys, etc etc. It's incredibly painful to sit there and discuss guys she likes and whatnot.

    I don't want to stop being her friend, because I REALLY enjoy spending time with her. We've actually become really close. However it's so hard to sit back and watch her date other guys, that I think that maybe I should save myself anymore heartache and slowly, but surely, end our friendship. But just thinking about doing that makes me sad to think that I won't talk to her or spend time with her.

    I'm really asking for advice here. It might be such a dumb problem, and I apologize if this seems so highschoolish and silly, but I'm really straining my brain going over this. Thanks in advance guys.
     
  2. Spraynard

    Verified Gold Member

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    Hmmm, the age old predicament of the friend zone.

    In what way are you not "the type of guy she goes out with?"
     
  3. Valium

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    Does she know you like her? If not maybe you should talk about it with her. You're kind of vague in your post about the type of guy she likes and how you're not that type.. But if you've become really close to each other you should really talk to her about it before it begins to come out on it's own.. Most women pick up very quickly on feelings like that from men. Hope this helps
     
  4. EllieP

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    Hmmm, sometimes there's no clear avenue or even one at all from being a friend to being something more. I only know of one of my closest friends who was banished to the friend zone, and I didn't even realize it at the time. It makes me feel horrible thinking about it because he helped me through so much.

    I do know this: it's easier from going to friend to special friend than it is going the other way. In fact, it's impossible.
     
  5. hung

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    Ask her for a real date. You may be just who she is waiting for. All her talk about others may be her way of challenging you.

    Take the chance. You will not regret it if you have real feelings for her. If she turns you down, you than have two choices regarding the future of your current situation.

    I wish you well.
     
  6. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    Be direct and honest with her. Is there really an alternative that will allow you to keep your sanity?
     
  7. Stephenmass

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    You say you are going to end the friendship with her over this anyway, so what harm would there be to ask her out? None that I can see.
     
  8. OhWiseOne

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    I agree with many of the posts. Just ask her out and go on from there. Whatever you do don't be a bitch about it if she says no.
     
  9. Deszn

    Deszn New Member

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    Good luck man. We all hope this works out. If not move and keep strong.
     
  10. the_reverend

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    oof...i practically LIVE in the zone, with a nasty habit of falling for friends pretty easily. so here's the thing...every time i've gone out on a limb and asked my friend out or told them how i feel, even when they've said no, i've been able to stay friends with them. yeah, it's painful to hear about other guys. but moreso because you have that lingering question in your mind of, "what if?" resolve that and it becomes easier to deal with (and she'll be more conscious of going into too much detail on those matters around you). you're willing to walk away from the friendship anyway, so what do you have to lose?
     
  11. Wrat

    Wrat New Member

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    As mentioned above, in the middle, between the eas
    You:
    "I know we have been living our lives as just friends, but I am very attracted to you as a person. I like you very much and I would like to date you. I care about you and I want to be more than just your friend. I'm just being honest."
    Her:
    ?????????
     
  12. D_Millard Fillermore

    D_Millard Fillermore Account Disabled

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    Force yourself to date. If you want to keep the friendship, you'll have to focus your (for lack of a better word) heart on someone or something else. Cause odd's are she has no idea you feel the way you do. Or at least i'm guessing.

    You can always be upfront and honest with her too. But when doing so you'll have to commit to the good and bad of it. Or whichever comes first. I've seen both sides of that story. Some people have gotten together and are still married to this day and some found out very quickly that they should never have been friends to begin with let alone partners lol.

    Good luck though. :)
     
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