Need Help Figuring Out Where To Start.

[Hardright]

So, I have been out to my wife (and only her) for several years. I had only begun to recognize and acknowledge my bisexuality in my 40's and have no sexual history with men. My wife is quite open minded, and to her credit has been largely supportive and accepting. Not that it hasn't been tough, we have had our moments. We sought couples counseling, and I spent a lot of time in individual counseling in order to come to try to accept myself and come to grips with it.

Our relationship has been much better of late. Possibly the best it has been in 20 years of marriage. I personally have still been struggling. My wife has come to believe that I cannot move forward until I explore my desires to be with men. She is literally telling me that I have to get out and have experiences with men. She has come to terms with that and is supportive. Yeah, I can't quite believe it either.

I need some advice.

One: do I take her at her word and try this? I know she means it, but that doesn't necessarily mean she won't change her mind and completely freak out.

Two: how do I proceed if I do? I would much rather experience this with her in terms of MMF threesomes or the like, but is that the best way to start? Would it be better to start out one on one?

Three: how does one get started. How does one find a guy? I don't want to mislead anyone, I'm not planning to leave my wife. I don't want a replacement relationship. I also don't think I would want just a series of random guys. As I suppose many are looking for, a FWB kinda thing seems best. It also seems like it would be next to impossible to find.

Nice easy first post eh? Anyway, for advice and hoping to benefit from y'alls experience. Thanks.

 

[theplayerking]

This might be a case for an escort. Casual hookups with apps can be very hit-or-miss, especially when you’re first starting out and it’s easy to have a bad experience. With a professional you can set very specific guidelines, boundaries and expectations.

 

[Razor500]

I agree. Pay for it the first time. You can set the boundries, choose the guy you want, even explore a fantasy you've always wanted. You may find you can 'take it or leave it'. Or you may just feel that it's what you wanted and needed your whole life. A good first step.

 

[Hardright]

Hmm, hadn't really considered hiring a pro. I'm sure there is that possibility even here in Utah, but I wouldn't know where to begin. I know a fair number of gay men, at least two of whom would be "happy to help". That would mean excluding my wife though, unless she just watched...

I also worry about it getting weird with my gay friends. I'm probably WAY over thinking it, but it's just a concern I have.

I'm thinking about reaching out to couples with bi men through a swinger site. For advice, maybe the wife and I take them to dinner and try to learn from their experience.

Hell, I don't know. I've been in denial since I was a teen. Hiding and avoiding have become second nature. Could be I just need to stop thinking and just dive in.