Need help in understanding the male mind ...
- Thread starter k9sport
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Principessa
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Okay, I guess the consensus is that I naturally attract possessive and/or insecure guys ... lucky me, wonder if I can get treatment for this condition :biggrin1:.
I am independent, moderately self confident and usually do my own thing without worrying too much about what others think. I'm not arrogant about this - I do care very much about the opinions of friends and family, I just don't have time to worry about what the "general public" thinks.
The older (married) sister says that I am "beautiful and intelligent" and "too independent for my own goddamn good" and because of this "scare men off". But she's also the one that is always lecturing me to "get a real job, preferably one that does not involve getting mauled by animals".
The subject of this discussion has occurred with four different BF's in the past 10 years or so, I figured that I must be doing SOMETHING to cause it to happen - that's why I asked.
I appreciate everyone's input on this, K
I am independent, moderately self confident and usually do my own thing without worrying too much about what others think. I'm not arrogant about this - I do care very much about the opinions of friends and family, I just don't have time to worry about what the "general public" thinks.
The older (married) sister says that I am "beautiful and intelligent" and "too independent for my own goddamn good" and because of this "scare men off". But she's also the one that is always lecturing me to "get a real job, preferably one that does not involve getting mauled by animals".
The subject of this discussion has occurred with four different BF's in the past 10 years or so, I figured that I must be doing SOMETHING to cause it to happen - that's why I asked.
I appreciate everyone's input on this, K
Nah, it's not you. I agree with what's been mentioned so far.
There are certainly guys out there (waves hand
) that don't mind at all. Sometimes you'll see them with a very attractive woman and they have that look in their eye that says, "Damn right she's with me -- isn't she hot?"
Many guys are possessive, insecure, and otherwise stupid. It was just the prevailing odds that you had more than one boyfriend that behaved the same way.
There are certainly guys out there (waves hand
) that don't mind at all. Sometimes you'll see them with a very attractive woman and they have that look in their eye that says, "Damn right she's with me -- isn't she hot?"Many guys are possessive, insecure, and otherwise stupid. It was just the prevailing odds that you had more than one boyfriend that behaved the same way.
My gut feeling is that any guy who wants a woman to NOT be independent really doesn't think of her as an equal. The only guys you're scaring off are the ones that fear you, and you don't want any of them anyway.
And take all dating advice from married people with a grain of salt. They have an interest in you being married too.
Maybe your boyfriend thinks that seeing you changing into whatever will turn some guy on and he would want to get it on with you. AND he might be insecure enough to think that you might go for it if a better offer came along. BTW, dont tell him about coming to this site; it will KILL him.
Thats fine (for the winter.) It looks like it may not handle the ice too well- I'll stick to the truck. Perhaps by summer you will have changed your mind.:wink:
Great question and I haven't taken the time to read other replys.
You sound like you have a real interesting job and guys would be right into it. The guys that have a problem with you changing are not worth it they want to own you. Now showing concern is different they know how mens minds work and my be concerned ...well that you will attract unwant attention.
Men like dogs like to mark there territory and protect it but some of us have [FONT="]evolved. [/FONT]
You sound like you have a real interesting job and guys would be right into it. The guys that have a problem with you changing are not worth it they want to own you. Now showing concern is different they know how mens minds work and my be concerned ...well that you will attract unwant attention.
Men like dogs like to mark there territory and protect it but some of us have [FONT="]evolved. [/FONT]
Hello K9,
maybe there are still gender-related different attitudes towards such circumstances you queried.
Maybe there is still - and particularly in male minds - an approach to female behaviourism concerning these traditional mixture of thoughts about nudity and chastity. Thus might be reasonable for opinions like "not lady-like to show underwear in public"
You are doing your job as a man does - without any difference or even less differing than female and male appearances would differ in a business job.
You are not expected to wear fine garments, suitable skirts, stockings or pantyhose and heeled shoes during your work. But maybe he believes and imagines your changing clothes to those revealing clothes so he demands your protection while you are changing.
maybe there are still gender-related different attitudes towards such circumstances you queried.
Maybe there is still - and particularly in male minds - an approach to female behaviourism concerning these traditional mixture of thoughts about nudity and chastity. Thus might be reasonable for opinions like "not lady-like to show underwear in public"
You are doing your job as a man does - without any difference or even less differing than female and male appearances would differ in a business job.
You are not expected to wear fine garments, suitable skirts, stockings or pantyhose and heeled shoes during your work. But maybe he believes and imagines your changing clothes to those revealing clothes so he demands your protection while you are changing.
Male Bonding etc
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Two thoughts coming from two different directions, but both based on my own experience:
1. I was asked to wear the arm padding one time and let a trained dog grab my arm. I knew I was protected, but it was still scary. Anyone who cared deeply about me might have freaked watching the dog go for my arm. Your boyfriends may have not been able to own up to worrying about your safety, and substituted other concerns to maintain their masculine atitudes.
2. My wife had a couple of very provocative outfits. I loved seeing her in them, but it felt weird to share so much of her with the public. I guess if I was responding so strongly to how she looked, I was wondering how other men could not respond just as strongly. It wasn't that I was insecure, it just seemed unnecessary for her to be turning all of the men's heads when she was happily married... jeez, that does sound insecure! I guess I was having an instinctual response that my mind couldn't quite intellectualize away. Anyway, it was rather fun to see how much people liked to look at her dressed that way, but I had to seriously fight down the objections I wanted to voice before we ever left the house.
1. I was asked to wear the arm padding one time and let a trained dog grab my arm. I knew I was protected, but it was still scary. Anyone who cared deeply about me might have freaked watching the dog go for my arm. Your boyfriends may have not been able to own up to worrying about your safety, and substituted other concerns to maintain their masculine atitudes.
2. My wife had a couple of very provocative outfits. I loved seeing her in them, but it felt weird to share so much of her with the public. I guess if I was responding so strongly to how she looked, I was wondering how other men could not respond just as strongly. It wasn't that I was insecure, it just seemed unnecessary for her to be turning all of the men's heads when she was happily married... jeez, that does sound insecure! I guess I was having an instinctual response that my mind couldn't quite intellectualize away. Anyway, it was rather fun to see how much people liked to look at her dressed that way, but I had to seriously fight down the objections I wanted to voice before we ever left the house.
Dolf's a great guy. I've read his posts ever since I started lurking here over four years ago.
If I were a straight woman, unattached, and had a rare and extremely expensive car in a climate-controlled garage, HELL YES I'd let Dolf drive my car. And quite a bit more besides.
NCbear (who admires Dolf's honesty, integrity, forthrightness, and openness--and wishes he'd post more)
Fattycakes78
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Yea, date self confident guys, if they are they wouldnt have a problem with it. If you dont have a problem with it and someone else does, then its their problem.
If you really try to avoid indescreet sights, and you have no intention to show off they have no reason to be jealous.
Be careful not to give anybody, not even a boyfriend, the right to ask you to change your lifestyle to meet their useless requrements: the world is full of persons who bent to others' orders and ended up alone and with their lives destroyed.
I mean, sometimes a change is asked for good reasons, but consider all before doing it.
Be careful not to give anybody, not even a boyfriend, the right to ask you to change your lifestyle to meet their useless requrements: the world is full of persons who bent to others' orders and ended up alone and with their lives destroyed.
I mean, sometimes a change is asked for good reasons, but consider all before doing it.
Multipass
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while i don't agree with the guys i can understand their point of view, which amounts to fear. Fear that one of these other guys will see you and make a move on you and that you'll leave him for the other guy. My suggestion would be to "change" on the opposite side of the truck from the group with the bulk of the truck blocking you (as much as possible) from their view. If i was your bf and you were following this suggestion i would not be upset with you I would/might be upset with the facility for not having a change area for you.
