Need help with anal...

Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by lilaznguy, Jul 9, 2004.

  1. lilaznguy

    lilaznguy Member

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    Just as a bit of a background, I only recently came out... a little more than a year ago, now, and even then only to close friends... but before then, I was raised in your typical Asian household, with rather strict and old-fashioned parents. Until I finally came to terms with my latent homosexuality (I recall having an interest in men since I was very very young...), I've lived in an adamantly anti-gay environment. With that in mind...

    I've been with my first boyfriend now for about five months. I tried anal with him for the first time a while ago, and we've done it only enough times to count on two hands since then... the thing that worries me is that I don't seem to get nearly as much pleasure from it as he does. Sure, it feels... well, interesting... and I enjoy that he enjoys it, and I like that full, warm, and cozy feeling after... but somehow, I don't think I'm getting that prostate stimulation dealy that I've read about. Here's what I'm wondering...

    Is it maybe that he's too big (roughly 6" around by 7.5", sometimes 8") or curved upwards too much (fully erect, he's almost flat against his waist)? Being that he's a bit more experienced than me and was less sheltered than I was about gay sex, do I just need time to get used to it? Does anyone have any general advice for making it more enjoyable?

    Thanks in advance...
     
  2. madame_zora

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    Anal-Eze, bro!!
     
  3. Imported

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    Tender: ...
     
  4. lilaznguy

    lilaznguy Member

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    Madame Zora -- Anal-Eze? Whuzzat?

    Tender, thanks for the help... His girth is a bit much at times, though, and we've taken anywhere from two to fifteen minutes just for me to get comfortable with him and for the pain to go away. Fingering's a reasonable option now that he's clipped his nails (he used to keep 'em long, which was nice for scratching, but since getting into food service, he has to trim them short)... I'd like not to have to stop trying anal, especially since he likes it so much, but I have been thinking about it. :unsure:
     
  5. madame_zora

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    Love your avatar, btw. Anal-eze is a lubricant. I'll hope some of the guys will chime in here because I'm out of my territory, but to the best of my knowledge, it contains a mild numbing agent that allows you to relax a bit during penetration. This might help you "loosen up" a bit until your get used to accomodating your lover. Always talk things through though. Sex should be good for both of you!
     
  6. lilaznguy

    lilaznguy Member

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    Heh, thanks... I like how it came out too. ^_^

    But cool, we'll try that out. The first time we tried anal, we used this stuff called Millenium, that was silicon-based or something, and that seemed to work incredibly well. Every time since then, we've used J-Lube, which is billed as a veterinarian lubricant that's based on some kind of plastic or other synthetic... but yes, any expertise in this area would be helpful.
     
  7. KinkGuy

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    AstroGlide is a favorite and there are many good lubes made specifically for anal. The best selections are often found in your local "dirty book store".
     
  8. headbang8

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    Lilaznguy,

    I'm with you on this one. My asshole pretty much stays a one-way orifice.

    This never became an issue until my current relationship. My partner and I met three and a half years ago, and we’ve been living together for 18 months. Early on, we used to bust the chocolate starfish regularly.

    He maintains that he's officially "versatile", and enjoys being fucked when in the right mood. That tends to be when we're both at our most athletically aroused.

    No fancy lubes, by the way; a quick spit-on-the-schwantz and we're off. What a guy!

    But he also likes to bake his sausage occasionally. Which, if you’ll pardon the expression, proves a real pain in the ass.

    I've tried everything; from Astroglide to Crisco to Nivea Cream to Turtle Wax. The pain simply outweighs the pleasure.

    I bought a dildo with which to practice on my own, thinking I might be able to get used to it gradually. After several attempts, I confessed to my partner that I'd given up trying. "No wonder," he scoffed, "Why on earth did you get one that was so big ?"

    I blushed. It seemed pretty normal to me; not that different in size from my own dick. Was he telling me I was hard to take?

    After that, we kind of lost interest. He knows I don't like to be fucked, and so doesn't push for it. And I don't like asking him to do what I'm unwilling to do myself.

    Anal sex is reserved for special occasions. Birthdays, anniversaries, and--who knows why this turns us on?--hotel rooms. Maybe we feel less coy about toppling the furniture and getting raunchy. Maybe it's the mirrors. Maybe it's those sexy shower heads.

    The pain of penetration isn't the only issue for me. Like you, I just don't dig the whole prostate schtick.

    I live in Japan, where they make curious little dildo-sorta things that zero-in on the prostate and give it a good fiddle. You can order them from this British website-- http://www.enemagra.co.uk/ —at much cheaper than the Tokyo price I paid, BTW. There’s a bigger selection of shapes, sizes and (supposedly) functions at a Japanese sex shop, though.

    (Also, you’ll find some links to the website of Sebastian Cox—his real name, it seems—a writer on sex who has much to say on the subject of anal pleasure).

    Well, I bought one of these pricey little plastic gizmos from our local sex shop, and with the help of good ol’ Tony Vaselino, stuck it where lunch ends up. And I must admit to quite an extraordinary physical sensation which I guess you could call pleasurable.

    How to describe it? Like when you’re on a roller coaster and your stomach leaps into your throat, but throughout the whole lower abdomen.

    As you say, the sensation is more interesting than erotic. But I wouldn’t actually call it sexual arousal as such.

    Apparently, people like us aren’t alone. I read somewhere that encounters in which gay men have anal intercourse are well into the minority. Certainly tallies with my experience.

    Avoiding anal doesn’t seem to hurt our sex life very much, if at all. We manage to get our rocks off in ways that give us the right balance of cheap thrills and intense intimacy.

    If it makes your partner happy, and it doesn’t feel too uncomfortable for you, why not continue? But it’s probably unrealistic to expect it to feel sexually satisfying in the same way as wetting the wick.

    Congrats on coming out, by the way.

    hb8

    P.S. I just read over what I’ve written, and had an OMFG moment. I can’t believe I actually said this stuff! But that’s one of the great things about the LPSG; few sexual topics stay off limits, no matter how indelicate.
     
  9. wmrobt

    wmrobt New Member

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    Due to his curve, your best position for prostate stimulation is going to be face to face. The anal cavity runs between the prostate and your backbone. If you do it from behind, he'll be running the wrong direction.

    When I first started with anal play, anything very thick (over about 5.5" in girth) was just not comfortable, nor did it really turn me on. Over the years (about 25 now), I've grown accustomed to larger girths (though anything over about 7.5" in girth remains painful).

    One thing I have found, and most guys here would probably back me up on it. Aside from the prostate, there are three spots that get my juices flowing. One is the entry point - the rosebud, or whatever you want to call it. The second is the bend at the sigmoid colon juncture (takes about 8.5" in length to get there for me) and the third at the juncture with the ascending colon (at about 11" for me), though this one is often painful rather than pleasurable.

    Maybe with more experience, it will become more pleasurable. Try to ignore any pain or lack of stimulation, and look more towards the act as a whole. Hey, if it still just doesn't do it for you, let your guy know (sounds like you're already open about that with him, though).
     
  10. lilaznguy

    lilaznguy Member

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    Awesome, thanks for the help, you guys!

    wmrobt, that makes a lot of sense. We've tried that position maybe once -- we usually go it doggy style -- and I only vaguely remember anything else that evening. It's definitely worth a second shot...

    Thanks for sharing your story, headbang... it's great to hear from someone in a similar situation. I'm familiar with that statistic about gay couples and anal, by the way, but that's not gonna keep my from trying! B) I'll be sure to look into those sources you suggested if it turns out that repositioning doesn't help...

    Better/different lube may be in order at some point, though; we'll give AstroGlide or Anal-Eze a try.
     
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