Need help with my friend's virginity issues

Joseph

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I have several times tried to help others and I've always failed so far, now I have a friend whom I can help and I feel most urge to do so, hence I even write a topic about it.

He's around 30, unemployed, still lives with his parents and is a virgin, also he's straight. I admit, I had my own issues with being a virgin in the past and if it wasn't for my bisexuality, it probably wouldn't go that well with me anyway (I just asked a virgin bi friend if we'd do it and we got it both out of system), but yeah, my friend's life looks like that, he keeps being sad about it. I notice how he suffers so I try helping him, talk about it, but I start getting confused about what to do.

Some more stuff on him:
-he likes to get praised, I can tell that, he even admits that openly and said that he.... considered before to go to a gay bar JUST to get hit on and get compliments
-during his sad moments he leads everything up to being a virgin. If he ever brings up his unemployment or living with his parents, it's always alongside the virginity thing, so this is obviously a major thing for him
-he tends to blame everything on pre-destined things, seriously, it's never things that he can just work on. He claims that it's because he's ugly or something, things that can't be changed. I once talked with him and named several things he could do to improve his life situation, but he keeps denying all of them saying that it won't work.
-At the same time I know he's on dating sites and he had a few dates in his life before. That's a lot more than what I had, but of course, when I brought that up, he still said that I had sex and he didn't, so I'm still better than he is. This means he TRIES, he does active pursuit there, but at the same time, he openly admitted that whenever he sees a girl talk to him, even be interested, he right away starts thinking that she's too good for him and she can find a better guy.

It's like an endless spiral of misery! I really want to help him, he's a friend of mine after all, but whenever I bring up this whole virginity thing, the conversation turns into something truly upsetting. I want to help, but I don't even know for sure how to help.... should I keep talking about it or best not to? And if I should talk about it then in what way?
 

davidjh7

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He has self eseem/self image issues. He needs to work on those first. He apparently likes to be praised or complimented, because he sees himself as ugly or whatever, and wants to feel good about himself. This is a good sign, as it says that he would like to feel good about himself but finds lots of excuses not to feel good. If I were to give you any advice on how to help him, help him with his self esteem--help him find the postive things about himself, and work on helping him believe them. If he feels better about himself, he will be more confident and relaxed around women, and he will be more appealing as a result. Humor is a great weapon in learning to be social. Encourage a good sense of humor. His virginity "problem" will take care of itself once he likes himself better, so focus on that and I think it will work out for him. Good luck!
 

D_Sal_Manilla

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your friend is a mess. First he needs to suck it up cause self pity does not work in the world. he needs to get a job... he is 30! Then he needs to move out and get a place of his own. Then he can worry about having sex...

you can't help someone if they refuse to help themselves.