Need Help

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by WorriedWife, Apr 27, 2009.

  1. WorriedWife

    WorriedWife New Member

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    I don’t want any comments on morality, I have already beaten myself up, I just want to know a few things.

    Basic Facts

    I am Early 40’s
    Married 15+ years
    3 Kids
    Love my Husband
    Have only slept with 4 guys up until now
    All 4 guys were average or slightly below average on size
    I always thought size didn’t matter
    Thought I had good sex with husband

    Started an affair 4 weeks ago
    He is about same age, but just went through a divorce from his wife of 14 years.
    We met talked 5 minutes; met 2 days later again talked 10 minutes, met the next day and had sex.
    Totally out of character for me, I was not looking for an affair.
    He is VERY Large (about 7 - 8 inches long but VERY THICK)
    I felt like a virgin the first time, it hurt and I have had 3 kids vaginally
    He is opposite of my husband in many ways – he is very aggressive in bed
    He lasts a long time
    He is very strong
    We have had sex in hundreds of ‘new’ positions
    We have had sex on almost every piece of furniture in his apartment
    He talks very dirty and kinky
    We don’t make love, we FUCK, like animals.
    I have had the best orgasms ever. The sex is awesome.

    Problems.

    Husband complains that I am very loose, (like after giving birth loose) wants to know why?
    I haven’t been able to orgasm with husband since I started the affair, it could be mental but my husband now looks small almost tiny and I don’t feel my husband inside of me, with the other guy I feel overstuffed, stretched, filled.
    I love my husband but am worried, have I ruined our sex life?

    I am nervous and scared the sex I am having now is like nothing I have ever had, it’s rough, animalistic, fun, always changing and fulfilling (pun intended) – I like it as a matte of a fact for the first time in my life I am thinking about and craving sex.

    My husband thinks getting wild in bed is doing it doggy style, he is boring, but I never knew it until now.

    I also didn’t know that size does matter.

    So the main question is have any of you gone from very well endowed men who rocked your world back to an average person who is very average in bed and still enjoyed that sex?

    Have I ruined my marriage?
     
  2. D_jtyrdytf

    D_jtyrdytf New Member

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    this sounds like an emotional issue. You didn't fuck a new guy cause he was hung, but because your marriage was already in trouble. Good luck with everything
     
  3. StraightCock4Her

    StraightCock4Her New Member

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    Your new guy is just exciting because he hasn't been around for 15 years.

    Your husband is stuck in a rut and you can and will get him out of it if you start going kinky on him first. This will wake him up and just keep trying new things until he starts to get the idea. Take charge for a while until he gets it.

    You're having a very natural sexual relationship... Like a 20 year old again. This may be part of a midlife crisis.

    I'd say get a therapist, it often helps to get your feelings out and discuss them with someone who is trained to help you figure out what you really want.

    Stop having sex with the new guy and your vagina MAY (will) go back to its original size, eventually. You haven't ruined your sex life because of having sex with him in the past, the thing that will ruin your sex lives is if you continue to have sex with him ad nauseum.

    It just comes down to: are you a grown up or not? You have kids, contrary to public theory, kids aren't just "alright" after a divorce. If you choose this path, you can go so far as to literally give one or more of your kids mental disorders for their entire life. First hand knowledge of that one here.

    First thing you need to do is stop being immature (meant in as nice a way as possible) and second thing is to figure out exactly what you want and need in your life.

    Good luck.
     
  4. B_horribleperson

    B_horribleperson New Member

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    yes yoi did
     
  5. dolfette

    Gold Member

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    kegel, ffs.
     
  6. Enid

    Gold Member

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    A combo of what others have said --

    KegelMaster is great.

    KegelMaster

    StraightCock had some good advice with the kinking it up in the bedroom. You can start slow and go from there.

    Figuring out what you need and want is a good start, perhaps seeing a counselor on your own to talk things out a bit might help. Marriage counseling is an option down the road.

    And to answer your question I've never gone back to average.
     
    #6 Enid, Apr 27, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2009
  7. WorriedWife

    WorriedWife New Member

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    Thanks for all of your replies, I will answer them individually

    M
     
  8. WorriedWife

    WorriedWife New Member

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    I don't mean to be defensive, but this was not the case at all. My marriage was rock solid and I was not looking, he came along. And as bad as this sounds he looked very large (i saw him in running shorts and then in tight jeans) and he was very aggressive. So I was interested and stunned at his aggression, but the sex turned out to be great.

    If I had not of met him I would not be here and would not have cheated.

    M
     
  9. WorriedWife

    WorriedWife New Member

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    I will try the KegelMaster, thank you.

    I actually tried to use some of the stuff I learned from him on my husband, but he was not receptive. I will keep trying.

    If you have never gone back to average the real question is can I?

    Thanks for your reply.
     
  10. Drifterwood

    Gold Member

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    The last person I gave advice to on a similar issue, turned out to be a man probably into SPH.

    FWIW though, you probably have ruined the sexual part of your marriage.
     
  11. got_lost

    Gold Member

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    It sounds like your husband's already suspicious.
    Isn't bringing 'new moves' into the bedroom going to make this even worse?
     
  12. D_Mylor Mentallydaft

    D_Mylor Mentallydaft Account Disabled

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    picked up on that too huh?
     
  13. D_Tina_Ciao

    D_Tina_Ciao Account Disabled

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    My first husband was large - he also happened to be a generous lover. Had to leave him because of abuse but it never bled over into the bedroom - he had issues, still does, but I still love him.

    Second husband, good man, but I was never able to love him. Small, selfish lover - 5 minute sex for him to ejaculate, nothing for me.

    I will never go back.

    Even if I never get my first husband, I will never go back to small again, no matter how wonderful the man might be otherwise. I am big - wide hips naturally and I believe 10 years with my first husband molded me to his shape - why the second was not enough for me, in addition to his selfishness in bed.

    Do the vaginal exercises anyway - I had 4 vaginal deliveries and it only helps tighten things up, good no matter what else.

    If you stay with your husband, he's going to be suspicious if you bring something that wild and new into the bedroom and if he already thinks you're "loose" inside, he will ask questions. You'll have to talk this out with him and figure out if your love for him is strong enough, if his love for you is strong enough, and make the effort to fix the marriage, IF you care enough to do it. Ask your husband if he's willing to learn more about lovemaking, more positions, etc. to see if it's even possible to spice up your sex life with him. Sounds as if he's pretty close-minded and that's not good. But he already is suspicious and will eventually figure things out.

    One other thing to consider is the chemistry - sounds as if you don't have it with your husband and do have it with the "hung" guy. Imho, along with all the other aspects of love, chemistry is an essential for a successful and lasting relationship, for love to last over the years. Just my opinion, but you might want to give it some consideration.

    What kind of relationship could you have with your "hung" guy? Would he acc
    ept your children? Is it worth the damage it will do to your family? There are many things you must consider. The upshot of all this though, is all in all, you will probably never want small again sexually, whatever you decide.

    Best wishes; this is a tough issue - I'll pray for you.
     
    #13 D_Tina_Ciao, Apr 28, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2009
  14. Gillette

    Gold Member

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    Utter bullshit. If your marriage was "rock solid" curiosity would never have tempted you to stray. Nothing would have.

    You're either lying about the circumstances, an incredibly stupid and selfish woman, or a complete fake on this forum.

    In the event it's one or both of the first two your choices are to suffer through your self created problem on your own or make your husband and children suffer with you.
     
  15. Minx123

    Minx123 New Member

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    Think long & hard (no pun intended!) about this situation. Everyone deserves happiness and fulfilment in their lives, but it is the way we go about obtaining it that can cause the most horrendous damage to those we love most. If there is something wrong with, or missing from your marriage, try to fix it. If you can't, maybe it is time to move on. Don't get involved with someone else whilst still married - for your sake, that of your children and yes, your husband's too.
    You say you had a rock solid marriage and wasn't looking. But yet, to have had such a strong reaction to this man, obviously all was not well at home.
    The bottom line is that you need to decide, my friend.
    I am not in the most fulfilling of marriages but, I stay for the sake of my stepson whom I love as if he were my own. I couldn't stand to have him watch his father go through another divorce...My husband isn't a bad man and relies on me so, so much. He loves me and I do love him. Unfortunately he has almost no sex drive, while I have a very high one.

    I wouldn't recommend introducing new ideas into the bedroom right now. I would cease seeing this other man. Do pelvic floor excercises to strengthen & tighten your muscles. Fall in love with your husband again. Flirt outrageously with him. Tease him. Flatter his ego. Make him feel 10 feet tall. Remember that this is the man that you once loved and wanted above all others. He will react to that more than a few bedroom tricks and you will enjoy eachother more as a result.
    I don't think you have ruined your marriage...yet.
    I wish you all the best whatever you decide.
    Remember the people on this website are not here to judge you and if you need a shoulder to "cry on" there is always someone here to listen.
    Good luck.
     
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