I'm getting married in November and have never had sex with a woman. How can I pleasure her optimally and not hurt her? She is probably a virgin.
need lessons
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The best advice I can give is that since once a man shoots, he often is over for the night, you need to concentrate on her. You have to get her completely aroused and get those juices going. Inserting your dick into a dry vagina is likely to hurt. But if she is ready and you go slow taking your time and LISTENING to her, she will probalby really enjoy it. If your orgasm is your only concern, it will not be a successful night for her.
Principessa
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I have so many questions hinduboy55904 - You've never had sex with a woman. Does that mean you have had sex with men?
- If so why are you now marrying a woman who you seem to know nothing about?
- Why don't you know if she is a virgin?
- Is this an arranged marriage?
- Can't you practice with her or someone else between now and November?
- You have 7 months read a book on how to please a woman. :tongue:
1. That depends on what you consider sex2. I know about my fiancee just haven't talked about sex.3. See above4. yes5. no. Spouses are not supposed to have sex with eachother before the wedding and I am engaged so I would consider sex with anyone else at this time to be cheating on my fiancee6. Are there any specific books you would recommend?
I would go to Amazon.com: Online Shopping for Electronics, Apparel, Computers, Books, DVDs & more and look around for book and/or instructional videos.
The only book that I can think of is "The Joy of Sex". I guess it's a good standby.
Until you learn each other wants/needs/desires, I would just have fun with the learning process. Learning how to please your partner can bring so much joy and sunshine into one's life.
A good/great sex life is a special joy. A bad/horrible sex life can make life seem dull. Good luck to you in your new life.
Karmen
The only book that I can think of is "The Joy of Sex". I guess it's a good standby.
Until you learn each other wants/needs/desires, I would just have fun with the learning process. Learning how to please your partner can bring so much joy and sunshine into one's life.
A good/great sex life is a special joy. A bad/horrible sex life can make life seem dull. Good luck to you in your new life.
Karmen
I know muslim and hindu religion still time to time have arrange marriages. I have a muslim friend who's parents are trying to force arrange marriage on him but he's trying to get away with it.
I'm guessing religion has so much to do with a woman's virginity or not (not sure) but she's still your fiancee. You should talk about this, afterall you are getting married.
As long as you could perform a good cunnilingus and hit her G-Spot fingering her, you should be fine.
I'm guessing religion has so much to do with a woman's virginity or not (not sure) but she's still your fiancee. You should talk about this, afterall you are getting married.
As long as you could perform a good cunnilingus and hit her G-Spot fingering her, you should be fine.
OK ... generally I do not come out very aggressive on topics, but I can't ignore this.
Arranged marriages aren't for anyone. They are a barbaric and outmoded holdover from the darkest days of human civilization. It is a set of controlling parents brutishly enforcing their will on their hapless children in the most intimate area of life. It is almost on a par with female genital mutilation. My advice to you is to distance yourself from this arrangement as soon as possible. You and your finacee haven't even talked about sex and you're going to marry her? Your chances of true happiness are microscopic.
This is going to take some courage, but this is what I want you to do: Walk straight up to your parents, look them in the eyes and tell them that you love them, but you have the right to find who you want, when you want, and that you will not do this. Be prepared to walk away from your family if you have to.
I don't care what your culture is, and I don't care what the bigshot intellectuals from your religion say. They're not the one getting married. You are. You cannot be TOLD to love someone. Marriage and sex must happen normally and naturally by meeting, talking, establishing admiration and trust, falling in love, and THEN making a mutual, mature, well-thought-out decision to be together for the rest of your lives.
God, I can't believe shit like this still happens.
Arranged marriages aren't for anyone. They are a barbaric and outmoded holdover from the darkest days of human civilization. It is a set of controlling parents brutishly enforcing their will on their hapless children in the most intimate area of life. It is almost on a par with female genital mutilation. My advice to you is to distance yourself from this arrangement as soon as possible. You and your finacee haven't even talked about sex and you're going to marry her? Your chances of true happiness are microscopic.
This is going to take some courage, but this is what I want you to do: Walk straight up to your parents, look them in the eyes and tell them that you love them, but you have the right to find who you want, when you want, and that you will not do this. Be prepared to walk away from your family if you have to.
I don't care what your culture is, and I don't care what the bigshot intellectuals from your religion say. They're not the one getting married. You are. You cannot be TOLD to love someone. Marriage and sex must happen normally and naturally by meeting, talking, establishing admiration and trust, falling in love, and THEN making a mutual, mature, well-thought-out decision to be together for the rest of your lives.
God, I can't believe shit like this still happens.
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- zaza,
Being a virgin on my wedding day seems strange to me, but each to their own.
You are bound to be nervous.So the aim of pleasuring her and not hurting her might be a tall order.
If you concentrate on not hurting her you are more likely to give her pleasure, so it might be best to concentrate on that. After all first times are not always good, and it doesn`t have to be. You have the rest of your life together to get to know each other and build up a good relationship.
Take things slowly, be gentle, explore her and encourage her to explore you, communicate and tell each other what is good. Do whatever feels right at the time. Remember Rome was not built in a day.
You are bound to be nervous.So the aim of pleasuring her and not hurting her might be a tall order.
If you concentrate on not hurting her you are more likely to give her pleasure, so it might be best to concentrate on that. After all first times are not always good, and it doesn`t have to be. You have the rest of your life together to get to know each other and build up a good relationship.
Take things slowly, be gentle, explore her and encourage her to explore you, communicate and tell each other what is good. Do whatever feels right at the time. Remember Rome was not built in a day.
Peter Wood
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You are not helped by knowing what we think of an arranged marriage. We have to respect the choice you made.
Probably in your family this is normal and done often before. Are there older brothers? cousins or friends you can talk with? Most of them will have the same experience. You can read a book or watch a video, but you are helped most by practical advise.
You have still 6 months to go, use them well. But also know that the first time for many guys - married or not - were not the best. You have to know each other better and you will learn quickly!
- Wrat,
Hey, look...he's not objecting to the marriage. He just wants to have a satisfactory sex life. And it's clear that you don't care what his culture is, but maybe HE does. Had you considered that he is doing exactly what he wants to do and that he is very happy with what he is doing?
You may disagree with his cultural norms but it is not apporpriate to meet that with hostility towards his parents, his culture or his religion. If you can imagine it, there are people who consider complying with their parent's wishes, being a part or their community and loving and accepting the spouses chosen for them to be an important part of living a rich and satisfying life. It actually is what they want to do.
Get over y'self.
Arranged marriages are not all miserable - I have the very good luck to know some truly beautiful people who still observe this cultural practise. All of the parents of my friends are in arranged marriages (for the last 30+ years) and all bar one couple are still happily married and have had, I would say, less downs than ups than other friends' parents who married without guidance / arrangements. About 1/2 of my firends (late 20s / early 30s) are married via an arrangement - they all went into their arrangements freely, happily and are so far all in happy marriages (with great sex lives, OP please note). Anon, your level of intollerance astounds me - Cool down on the hatred. Forced marriage is not a good thing, I agree - arranged marriage can be and in my experience of real world people arranged marriages have as much chance of success as the modern western version - possibly more.
OP - on your question, excluding anon there - the above advice is all good. Read books, watch instructional videos (not porn - it wouldn't be helpful - talk, if you can, with your fiancee. I have a question - you have tagged yourself 50/50 in your profile... you sound like the kind of guy who is moral and is honouring your religious / personal beliefs regarding fidelity (you won't cheat on your fiancee or have sex with her before the wedding). I assume then you will be faithful in your marriage. How does your 50% gay side feel about that? Is that something you can satisfy with fantasy? You may have already dealt with that of course - I'm just curious.
I respect you guys, but it's too bad if people disagree with me. From what the OP has posted, and maybe I'm missing something, these two do not know each other well enough to be married. For parents, no matter what culture or religion, to abuse their power by pressuring a young person to marry someone they barely know is reprehensible. It's wrong, and I am proudly intolerant of it.
Parents (healthy parents) can be an invaluable source of guidance and advice for all areas of life. But they MUST let go, and let you do what you want.
How old is this man? He doesn't say, but I gather he's fairly young. Hell, he describes himself as bisexual. Do his parents know this? Does his future bride know this? What is his plan for dealing with this when it comes up in the future? (And it WILL come up) Even putting aside that he may not know his fiancee very well, how well do people generally know themselves when they're young?
OP, it's your life. Your choice. Don't let anyone, even your parents, tell you who to marry. If they give you grief about it, tell them it's too bad, but you call the shots with your life.
This deal has BAD NEWS written all over it. And that's all I'm going to say.
Parents (healthy parents) can be an invaluable source of guidance and advice for all areas of life. But they MUST let go, and let you do what you want.
How old is this man? He doesn't say, but I gather he's fairly young. Hell, he describes himself as bisexual. Do his parents know this? Does his future bride know this? What is his plan for dealing with this when it comes up in the future? (And it WILL come up) Even putting aside that he may not know his fiancee very well, how well do people generally know themselves when they're young?
OP, it's your life. Your choice. Don't let anyone, even your parents, tell you who to marry. If they give you grief about it, tell them it's too bad, but you call the shots with your life.
This deal has BAD NEWS written all over it. And that's all I'm going to say.
That sounds far more reasonable, anon, I appreciate your reply - and you are of course entitled you your opinion. In terms of parent pressuring children we have no idea in the OP's case what happened. He's not asking for our opinions - for all we know his dad turned around and said 'Hey son, do you want to marry? Do you want your mother and I to help you?' and he said 'Sure dad, it's about time I settled down - have you got anyone in mind?' etc. etc. Or not whatever - he's asking for advice on sex...
Oh, don't get me wrong ... I still stand by what I wrote ... every ranting word of it. (with the exception of FGM ... you're right ... that business is just beyond words)
If his family doesn't respect him, his family doesn't deserve him. It's sad, but sometimes it means walking away.
Asking about sex at this point, to me, is putting the cart before the horse. I think he needs to take an eye-opening look at this marriage.
But let's hear from the OP:
-- How old are you?
-- Have you lived away from home?
-- You've never had sex with a woman, how about a man?
-- What would your parents do if you said 'no' to this whole thing, and declared that you're going to find who you want? It might be tough, but be as brutally honest as you can.
-- Why are you here on this earth? What is your purpose? If you don't truly know the answer to this, I would say you don't know yourself well enough (yet) to get married.
If his family doesn't respect him, his family doesn't deserve him. It's sad, but sometimes it means walking away.
Asking about sex at this point, to me, is putting the cart before the horse. I think he needs to take an eye-opening look at this marriage.
But let's hear from the OP:
-- How old are you?
-- Have you lived away from home?
-- You've never had sex with a woman, how about a man?
-- What would your parents do if you said 'no' to this whole thing, and declared that you're going to find who you want? It might be tough, but be as brutally honest as you can.
-- Why are you here on this earth? What is your purpose? If you don't truly know the answer to this, I would say you don't know yourself well enough (yet) to get married.
