Need opinion

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Kevin_uk, Dec 15, 2006.

  1. Kevin_uk

    Kevin_uk New Member

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    I work for a very large organisation employing about 400 people. We have an area under the building (for cycle & motorcycle parking) where we go for a smoke.

    Just over 2 months ago I was down there and got talking to a new girl (I’m 50 and she’s just turned 30). She has an 8 year old daughter and lives with a boyfriend; he’s not the father of her little girl.

    She initially hinted that we could take breaks together, so we email each other and agree to meet for breaks. Shortly after meeting her I had to go and work at another office (200 miles away) for 3 weeks. She was emailing me through the day for a chat, usually telling me she was bored and lonely, I kept emailing her, and once told her that I missed having her around, this kept the friendship going.

    When I returned back to the office we have continued to take our breaks together. Two weeks ago it was her birthday, I wanted to put some balloons around her desk as most of us do there on birthdays, but she told me she didn’t want that as she doesn’t like the attention, so instead I bought her a coffee and bar of chocolate in our canteen, then took a birthday card up to her desk. She emailed me afterwards thanking me and told me it was very nice of me.

    She has hinted that I should get transferred to the office where she works, but that wouldn’t be possible as they do totally different work.

    My problem is I do want to take things further with her, but I’m afraid if I suggest this it will drive her away and make her avoid me. I do value her friendship, she makes me feel very special, I’ve got the impression things are not great with her boyfriend and I split with my wife 18 months ago after a very bad marriage of 20 years.

    At Christmas I have to face 2 weeks without having her around, I don’t know where to go with this.

    Your opinions would be appreciated.
     
  2. jordanj

    jordanj New Member

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    My first instinct is that you've developed a crush on her, even at your stage of life. I'm not even gonna go into it all but I did the same thing with someone from work, we hung out all the time, went to movies, theatree, galleries etc etc etc and I got really caught up in him. However, he only ever wanted to be friends, yet he persisted in hanging around with me to the point where he was my 'plus one' to two wedding receptions. We never ended up going to the wedding receptions because shortly beforehand I heard from someone else that he started seeing someone else. He couldn't even bring himself to tell me about it cos he knew how I felt.

    I made a prize prick of myself. I was unable to cope at work and went sick for a while with depression. I'm not saying that will happen with you, but relax, take a step back, don't do what I did!
     
  3. Elmer Gantry

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    It sounds like she's waiting for you to say something.
     
  4. va_lk_yr_ie

    va_lk_yr_ie Member

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    As the interest seems to have continued over the two months I'd say that there might be something deeper there. You also say that you're afraid you'll scare her off if you suggest going further.

    IMO - there's no need to jump both feet in water at the same time, i.e. suggest a relationship right off the bat. Try asking her out (dinner, movie, walk in the park - whatever you're comfortable with) in a setting outside work. Her reaction there might give you more clues on whether this is just an office friendship (that she very well might value even if there's nothing more to it) or something she wishes to explore further.
     
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