Need relationship advice

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by HungCountryBoy, Nov 2, 2008.

  1. HungCountryBoy

    HungCountryBoy New Member

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    So, first time poster, long time(ish) member. I have been married 4 years and a couple months. Been together for 7 years. We have always been explosive and passionate, but old issues have never quite gone away. Let me start and i will admit i have not been faithful....ever with her. And i know thats wrong but on my admission, this is why. I am a nympho and sex freak. I need it constantly and need to keep it new and fresh. I love going to the bars, getting drunk and coming home and having drunk kinky sex. Dont get me wrong, regular, everyday sex is great, but to me, nothing better than drunk sex, women tend to lose more inhibitions. Granted i turned her into more of my liking, more tame when we first met. I did this to pretty much all girls i been with. My issue is, i need it constantly and it doesnt happen. I was use to girls doing whatever i wanted, buying me stuff, going out of their way for me and complimenting me. BUt my wife has never been this way. She is more down home and not into looks as much as i am. I do put a big emphasis on looks. I am 6'5 210, solid muscle, defined and 9x7. I have a great job, dimples and athletic. I need and want the attention. Let me add that I am, very, very jealous...from my dad. I am always suspicious but shouldnt really feel this way. There was only one questionable incident. It was, we had been married about 1 year, i had to move to a different city(lost job, and found new one elsewhere, while she was in graduate school). She had her graduate party, in her class was 30 girls and 2 guys(one engaged) the other not a threat, hopefully). But she planned to have fun, and i told her not to get too drunk. She said she wouldnt, but ended up staying the night there. Now i trust her, but insecurities and my own behavior think otherwise. She had stated she would go home(staying with her parents) but then i couldnt reach her. Now, i know i am "DOUBLE STANDARDING", but still, I got pissed when i couldnt reach her pass 1am. Now, i really feel she didnt do anything but still. Pair my jealousy and supsicious-ness and it sucks. thats the only time. NOw, i have cheated more than 30 times on her, but still. I know, i know horrible, but help me out here. I just feel i need sex at least, at least one time a day but that doesnt happen. Now we have a 4 month old, and she rarely drinks and all this. My b-day just happened and i waited 1 1/2 year to go out to the bar and drink and have a good time. she asked what i wanted for my b-day and i said, just going out and having crazy sex. Well we went out with friends and it was a blast. but while she was dancing with friends, there was a bachelorette party and they threw a male sex doll on the floor, she picked it up and started freaking it and took pictures pinching its nipples and holding the cock. that just pissed me off. i thought it was trashy and was like this is my b-day, chill out. i know, i know her first drink in a 1 1/2 but still. it took forever to find a babysittrer and set everything up. and since then, no make up day. i knwo we have great sex normally, but to me, nothing better than booze, porno and crazy sex. and no makeupday yet. it sux. Now, i'm just constantly agrrivated feeling everything she does is bad and wrong. I know a child changes thing, but i feel like i'm this great looking, in shape, well hung guy, and im wasting with a woman who doesnt' appreciate it. And sex somewhat has gone down as in, she more and more complains it hurts too much, she doesnt like doggy as much(never did too much) saying im too big for her and its hitting her cervix or spreading her too much. i cant help that. and we play with her vibrating dildo, she prefers to vribration, i like to fuck her with it, but she states she would like to have it even when im not there. But, i'm like, i dont even get enough sex with you, so if you have this all the time, and get yours, then i really wont get none.

    help please
     
  2. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    I think your a little confused on who isnt being appreciated. She is putting up with your jealous, cheating, egotistical, immature ass and you feel unappreciated :mad: Grow the fuck up or get the hell out of there
     
  3. Principessa

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    1. I stopped a quarter of the way through your post. All that me, me, me crap running together was giving me a headache. It became immediately clear you are a Narcissistic Personality.

    Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. They believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

    2. Paragraphs are your friend, try using them.
    A subject requires subdivision into topics, each of which should be made the subject of a paragraph. The object of treating each topic in a paragraph by itself is, of course, to aid the reader. The beginning of each paragraph is a signal to him that a new step in the development of the subject has been reached.
    I know where you became confused; because the whole thing is about you. :tongue: However you could have broken it up into marriage and child, the birthday outing, your needs, her needs.

    3. As usual, LeeM hit the nail on the head. You are far too immature and selfish to be married or have a child.

    QFT! I can't believe he had the nerve to post such selfish crap. What exactly was his question anyway?
     
  4. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Wow time to see a therapist. You've got some major issues surrounding your cheating, your ego and your sex addiction.
     
  5. ZOS23xy

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    I was reading the OP and found myself cringing over how he tries to dismiss his bad behavior and feel good about it and then admit to feeling guilty.

    You need professional help.

    The way you wrote was not too bad, but it indicates a lack of control. You have a tight grip on yourself. And don't want to lose control.
     
    #5 ZOS23xy, Nov 2, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2008
  6. huckjam

    huckjam New Member

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    Go see a Shrink, right now.
     
  7. sexplease

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    Need advice?

    Quit drinking.
    Get a private therapist.
    Monetarily care for your child and its mother and otherwise excuse yourself from their lives until you find your inner strengths and are capable of expressing those strengths selflessly.
    Quit masturbating and all sexual behavior for 40 days.
     
  8. Principessa

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  9. B_LgPenisSupporter

    B_LgPenisSupporter New Member

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    Dude, you need some professional help.
     
  10. erratic

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    Dude, no offense, but if my partner were having tonnes of drunk sex with random people I wouldn't want to fuck him either. I'd be hurt, humiliated and afraid.

    Clearly your sexual needs are not getting met in your relationship. But that needs to be balanced off with your wife's need for safety and stability. I'm not going to pretend like I can tell you want to do with your live, but you guys need to do some hard work. Good luck.
     
  11. D_Seymour_Dix

    D_Seymour_Dix New Member

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    Agreed.

    Get over yourself. Why the hell should she follow different rules then you follow. No way anyone can feel sorry for your situation.

    Lead by example my friend.
     
  12. Fable

    Fable New Member

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    Really 9X7 athletic with dimples and 6'5 with 205 pounds of pure muscle. All this Godliness and no pic.
     
  13. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    I agree with the others about your need for therapy. I am not going to call you names and judge you. You asked for help, not to be abused.

    I have to say this and excuse me if I sound like I am standing on a soap box...

    People like the op are asking a question, asking for help. Who are we to judge him, call him names? He is admitting his failures, admitting he is wrong. It's pretty damn redundant to be saying all the things he is saying himself. Some of the holier than thou attitudes on this site piss me off because questions like these are not going to be written, people are not going to get advice they sorely need because of judgemental bitter people.

    So perhaps, if you have nothing constructive to say, without throwing a couple jabs in there, you should just sail past the posts.
     
    #13 B_Jennuine73, Nov 6, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2008
  14. CALAMBO

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    hungboy...i was you many years ago...damn i miss those days...but i grew up..had to or loose all that i loved more than the party life that you decribe...we all have choices and you must make a big one...love the wonderful life of wife and kids..or be a male whore and die a lonely good looking old man...and believe me the good looks fade faster than you can imagine....i am not sure counseling would serve you until you change...maybe not overnight but something must give here...your wife and child deserve better and you do also...judging you will not help...you can only do that...thank you for sharing your story, you may have saved others by exposing the ugly side of yourself...i wish you happiness in your family life...i pray more for your wife and child who deserves better than they are recieving from you.
     
  15. Drifterwood

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    What concerns me is the apparent low priority of your child in your life. I don't really know about these things and maybe dads bond more as their kids get a bit older, but whatever.

    You are by no means the first guy who has felt that once a woman has you married she can turn off the sex, though given her new priorities with the child perhaps you should understand that this is part of married life - why did you get hitched?

    You need to get over yourself a bit and be far more discreet unless you want a swift divorce. You won't get much sympathy here, but that is somewhat unfair as in reality if you are what you say, you are going to get a lot of women wanting a piece of the action and they won't give a shit about your wife and kid let alone their husbands and kids. People won't like me saying that, but I can name names. Not that I will of course.

    If I am going to be judgmental, you probably weren't ready to get this serious and maybe you never will be. I don't think that you need any "professional" help, you already know that you have got yourself in shit. The question then, is whether you are going to stay there and modify your behaviour.

    From a polyamorous pov you also have to get over your jealousy issue. Sounds to me that your partner is going to enjoy sex with smaller guys more than with you. Potentially, if you understand each other's needs, yet need each others other relationship bnefits, then you may have something going within an open relationship, though you have some big issues there.

    People tend to think that men can sow their wild oats and then settle down, but the truth is that some guys don't and/or can't.
     
  16. Symphonic

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    There's your first mistake.

    You're going to have to grow out of that; being dependent isn't a good way to go.

    What are you validating? Attention seeking is something that generally deals with an underlying issue; you're looking for an abnormal amount of worship and praise from people. I could see it if you did something amazing everyday like cure a new disease but you're just being you which isn't all that great of an accomplishment. Don't get me wrong; you're not a bad person but your needyness would drive most people off.

    That's normal behavior. Paranoia between partners isn't uncommon. It's not optimal behavior but it's at least normal.

    I found my hand. It helped like no other cure. Either that or we can purposefully lower your libido. Actually "Sex Addiction" is now a clinical term to so you could visit a therapist with that good job of yours.

    If that's how you feel... tell her? Who knows? I assure you that having multiple kids by multiple women won't help you and catching something from Jane X won't either. Of course it's your pick; feeling unappreciated can be a sign of a few things and I really am beginning to think the therapy track would be right for you. You sound like there is something deeper down that is causing this whether it be actual sex addiction or whether it be something to deal with your self-esteem since you seem to need constant attention and praise.

    I'm not quite sure that's how it works there. You could talk to her about it and make eachother sexually deprived if you want but I don't know if that'll help you. As for the position restraints Its unfortunate but that's generally how it works; short guys and doggy are better friends than long guys. I have to be careful and I'm an inch and a half shorter than you I think.
     
  17. Aquafina123

    Aquafina123 New Member

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    .
     
    #17 Aquafina123, Nov 6, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2008
  18. Aquafina123

    Aquafina123 New Member

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    . If someone could tell me how to delete the extra ones, that would be great lmao...
     
    #18 Aquafina123, Nov 6, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2008
  19. Aquafina123

    Aquafina123 New Member

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    I'm a little confused as to how you can be jealous about her being with a guy once or twice when you've been cheating on her the entire time. It doesn't make sense. Don't try and blame her for your sexual issues. You knew what the deal was when you married her (which you probably shouldn't have done). Given your jealousy issues, have you ever taken the time to consider how she feels in all this? How would you feel about her if she did the same thing to you? It seems like your need for sex takes priority over your wife and child, and that's to be expected with any type of addiction, but it honestly sounds like the only person you're concerned with in all of this is yourself. So perhaps you should do them a favor and step out of the picture so that she can find someone who treats her with respect, your child can have a responsible father, and you can continue having your drunken sex. Since that's what's most important to you.

    Looks aren't everything though, and they really do fade fast...
     
  20. Infernal

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    Two things....

    1. It sounds like you've put a whole lot of energy into making your bed, and now you don't find it very comfortable to sleep in.

    2. Having a child makes your own needs secondary, and if anyone needs to explain this to you, then you have no business breeding.
     
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