Need Some Advice

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by eddie80, Nov 20, 2007.

  1. eddie80

    eddie80 Well-Known Member

    Sep 14, 2007
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    Hey guys. And ladies. I've been around here for a little while; mostly quiet, but I've had my say on a thing or two. I've developed an affection for the place, despite being sort of marginal. My reason for writing today is that I need advice, and in a funny way this is the only place I can think of in my life to ask for it. This gonna be a rambler, and embarrassing, so if you want to sit through it, be prepared. All I promise is that it's honest.

    I'm a gay man in his mid-40's. I had a long-term relationship from the time I was quite young through the end of my 30's. It was troubled, quarrelsome, and there was almost no sex for most of it. The sex that did exist was almost completely masturbatory - literally.

    For the past 8 years I've had another relationship. It's beautiful. It's the kind of relationship people dream of having, and I'm sure a lot of that is due to the fact that both of us had pretty miserable experiences in the past. We're not repeating any mistakes.

    The sex life I have now is unbelievable. Plenty of it (which is amazing for a guy in his mid-40's), and very fulfilling. But...there is one aspect of sex that I've never had in my life, and have always wanted, and that's intercourse. I have topped a couple of times (when I was really young), and bottomed a couple (mostly to be accommodating), but that has all been 25 some years in the past.

    Here's the thing. I now have a great, loving relationship. My partner has recently told me that he's interested in trying intercourse (with me as top, and maybe the opposite too). The other night, spontaneously, he asked if I wanted to. Of course I did. Here's the problem:

    My body, or my mind, let me down. I couldn't do it. Now I know that all men go through this at some point, and it's no big deal, but this was to put it mildly an important point in my life. And in my relationship. If I could just keep perspective I'd be calm and realize that it's a passing thing. But it's frightening instead. And of course that's going to make it worse in the future, not better.

    So what am I going on about this for? I don't know. I guess I need to hear from some of you. I need to hear some of your experiences, your strategies for relaxing, whatever. In a way I'm very inexperienced and just need some advice, or encouragement, or something. I don't know. All I know is, this is important.

    Well, that's it. Any words of wisdom appreciated. If you've actually read this, thanks. And thanks in advance for anything you have to offer.
  2. aliveboi

    aliveboi Well-Known Member

    Nov 16, 2007
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    thank you for sharing. i'm sure you will be able to through this. it sounds to me as if you simply had some performance anxiety, and that isn't something to be embarrassed about. I'm no expert, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but keep at it and make sure you are keeping sex playful, romantic, hot-and-heavy, or however you like it. Sex isn't always about sex, its about the moment you're in with the other person. And when the moment is right, you'll be ready, i'm sure.
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