Need Some Help Here...Does She Like Me?

D_Maximum_Refund

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I'm going to try and make a long story as short as possible, but sorry in advance if this goes on for too long.

Two summers ago, I saw this girl out at a bar. She came up and said hi, introduced herself, and we had a great time. We rode home in the same car that night, but didn't do anything as other people were in the car. She had to be dropped off at home (lives with her parents) so nothing really materialized.

We texted for a week or so, and finally hung out. I had a 10 hour work day, so I just invited her over for a movie. We didn't do anything, as it just didn't feel right. I had her over again about a week later and we made out for about 20 minutes. Only after kissing for so long did I realize, "Whoa, you just made this really awkward."

About a week went by and I was aggressively trying to set up dinner. I say "aggressively" because I probably came off as desperate, sounding overly-available. On top of that, she knew I was leaving for law school in about 5 weeks. She sent me a 3 page text explaining how I was a great guy but she "didn't like me like that." Anybody who knows her says that distance was a huge thing for her and she didn't want to have to deal with it. I moved on, deleted her from my phone, and didn't speak to her for 5 months.

When I came home from Christmas break (2011's break, not this year), however, we hit it off again at the bar. I actually didn't have her number so she texted me, "What are you doing?" I responded with "At X bar, who's this?" She came up to me and said she was just "testing me," as she saw me from a distance at the bar, then told me how she likes honest guys. She seemed genuinely happy to see me, got my number, and we've been talking ever since.

Now, before moving on, more about her. She's shy and hasn't had a steady relationship for more than six months, ever. She and I get along great (we've seen each other out a few other times) and I just get the feeling she didn't want to get into anything serious when I was about to move 2 hours a way to a big city.

Well, fast forward to right now (about a year and a half since our first "date," if you could even call it that). Over the past 6-8 months, we've been texting each other pretty frequently. She sends flirtatious things all the time like, "Oh, if we were out doing X, I'd do Y funny thing to you." I'd say I text first only about 60% of the time, so it's not like I'm bombarding her with no return.

Now I'm home for Christmas break. I got my post-grad job and I'm going to be back in town for this summer and beyond (and so will she). I really want to just meet up and get coffee over break, explain that I'm going to be in the area again once I graduate, and maybe parlay that into a dinner.

So, two questions:

1) Is there a chance she still likes me despite the previous rejection? And
2) How do I go about setting things up? Should I just be direct? Should I even bring up the two summers ago?

Thanks for all your help, and sorry for the pitiful story. This is my first time trying to get back with a girl who has rejected me and I just don't have the confidence I usually do.
 
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D_BenJo_Ahanakokolele

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1.) people always change over time... keep that in mind.

2.) play it by ear. see what happens and don't plan for anything. if you don't expect much, you won't be disappointed. (I learned this the hard way.)

i hope this was enough help without telling you what to do.
 

D_Anne_T_Freeze

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IF she had wanted something more it would have happened A LONG TIME AGO. She sees you as a guy she can hang out with when she isn't with the guy she's sleeping with. Bring it up and you're going to get shot down.
 
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You're that guy. The one she hangs out with between other guys.

^this^

The thing is, you had your chance to bang this girl. The fact that she came to you to start conversation shows that you were on a fast break, all you had to do was make the wide open lay-up. But when the ball got in your hands, you dropped it and somehow kicked the ball out of bounds. You were too timid when you had her at your spot when you only made out for 20 minutes (common, this isn't freshman year of high school anymore, you gotta make a move). And then you tried making up for it by being overly aggressive to set up another time to hang out and it made you look desperate and needy (instant vagina drying mechanism).

But your question isn't whether or not you could bang her (which she now has the upper hand and will probably bang other guys and let you get sloppy seconds or say some crazy shit like she only has sex in relationships, which we all know is bs). Your question in the title is if she "likes" you or not. She likes you in the "nice guy" sense. She knows you have a good head on your shoulders, she knows your in law school (so you'll be bringing in $$$$) and she knows you have a pretty much beta mindset so she doesn't have to worry about competition (hence why she is playing all these games with you, and you're letting her). So basically, she has the win-win, she's gonna have her fun now, toss you a couple bones by hitting you up for emotional needs that the guys she is banging isn't giving her. She will continue this until she gets tired of getting dogged out by the guys she's messing with or until she stops getting the same attention as she did when she was younger and will then have a full court press with you and settle for a quiet life with the nice guy with a fat wallet (you).

If you're fine with that, then by all means, keep doing what you're doing. If I were you, I'd just ignore her and keep it moving.
 

D_Maximum_Refund

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I know I'm clinging to hope here, but what about the fact that she isn't your typical girl?

She stays home with her family on the weekends, gets drunk maybe once every two months, and definitely doesn't just bang random guys all the time. She has had one relationship in the past 3 years and that lasted for about 4 months.

Most importantly, I really should have added the fact that we went to the same high school (I was a senior when she was a freshman). She knows "of" me (I'm single most of the time) and I know that she's been impossible to get since like 7 years ago. We didn't talk back then so I didn't think it was important to add, but based on the responses, I figured I might as well throw it out there.
 

D_Maximum_Refund

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And thanks for the honest feedback, keep it coming.

What I'd prefer, though, is how to approach asking her out over this Christmas break. I mean, I'm going to at least try one last time. I'm not scared of getting rejected, I'm just a bit intimidated by how to reconcile the previous fucked up situation. So I guess the question really is how to go about it.

Again, please shoot it straight.
 
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I know I'm clinging to hope here, but what about the fact that she isn't your typical girl?

She stays home with her family on the weekends, gets drunk maybe once every two months, and definitely doesn't just bang random guys all the time. She has had one relationship in the past 3 years and that lasted for about 4 months.

Most importantly, I really should have added the fact that we went to the same high school (I was a senior when she was a freshman). She knows "of" me (I'm single most of the time) and I know that she's been impossible to get since like 7 years ago. We didn't talk back then so I didn't think it was important to add, but based on the responses, I figured I might as well throw it out there.

You never know, maybe she is different. But I would not bank on it. If you really are interested in her, you got to stop pussy footing around, that will get you nowhere very quickly (as you can see, you've been "working" on this girl for like 2 years and all you've done is make out).

Just go hot and cold on her, never text first, don't answer her phone calls all the time and stop seeming so available. And when you do talk to her, press the issue (in a joking way, of course, make it fun and light of course). If she asks why you haven't talked to her in a couple weeks say something like "I like women who know what they want" or "I'd rather play games on x-box" etc.

Another thing, when she asked where you were, you should have just said "who's this?", she then would of said her name and you shouldn't have replied to that. Then she will probably ask again where you are and you should have replied "out", that would have slowly put you back in some sort of control instead of explaining yourself to her. You two aren't a couple and you don't owe her an explanation for anything.

Basically, if you want her, which it seems like you do, you have to stop treating her like she's your priority. Right now she's treating you like a back up option and you need to switch it up. Next time you guys are both at the same place, start openly talking to other women, don't go to her, let her come to you to greet you. Act like your normal self but seem slightly colder and disinterested, she feels like she has you wrapped around her finger and you need to change that ASAP. Then she will try to chase you and just play the game from there.
 

Mercurygirl

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Look, listen to what people are saying to you. From what you've told us it's clear, as a woman let me make it very clear, YOU ARE IN THE BULLPEN. You're second choice at the desert table. She's slow dancing with you as she's looking over your shoulder at other men on the dance floor.

So listen up 'nice guy' ... I know, you want to, "at least try one last time" and "not scared of getting rejected". Fine, you have balls right? If so don't feel the need to "reconcile". What, you two were married? You don't owe her shit. Bringing up old hat makes you look like a wimp and reminds her of why you never closed the deal.

You want her? Be a confident prick, ask her out, and be aggressive. And by confident prick I mean the proud rooster of the yard. Be the boy who went away to school, grew up, nailed mad pussy, and came home a man. A man who knows what he wants and makes it very clear what he wants. Women dig honesty. If she rejects that, wash your hands of her and move on. No texting or footsie at the bar, no nothing, game over. There is no reason why you need to apologize or lay any ground work to just taking her out and trying to get into her pants. You're a man, she's a woman, she's been flirtatious, you've been communicating with her for how long now? She knows the game, you're both adults, no need to beat around the bush. What, she doesn't, "like you like that"? OK, that's fine, you've wasted enough time pining over her and she's not the only woman on the planet you want to or could bed. Goodbye, have a nice life.

To me if you are going to get this woman that's the only way, straight forward and to the point. When you first meet up with her again be that confident man and treat her like prey. Don't be intimidated by her. If she sees that you're insecure she is gonna chew you up and spit you out like before. Let her know you are not that scared little boy but instead a man, a lawyer, who's got woman coming at him and will be making mad bank in a few years. You're future is bright, what has she done? You've got to get into that mindset that you're bigger than her. That she's the one who needs to be getting with you. Let's face it you've been dancing waaay too long, time for some backseat action, if not just drive off and never look back.
 
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D_Maximum_Refund

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Look, listen to what people are saying to you. From what you've told us it's clear, as a woman let me make it very clear, YOU ARE IN THE BULLPEN. You're second choice at the desert table. She's slow dancing with you as she's looking over your shoulder at other men on the dance floor.

So listen up 'nice guy' ... I know, you want to, "at least try one last time" and "not scared of getting rejected". Fine, you have balls right? If so don't feel the need to "reconcile". What, you two were married? You don't owe her shit. Bringing up old hat makes you look like a wimp and reminds her of why you never closed the deal.

You want her? Be a confident prick, ask her out, and be aggressive. And by confident prick I mean the proud rooster of the yard. Be the boy who went away to school, grew up, nailed mad pussy, and came home a man. A man who knows what he wants and makes it very clear what he wants. Women dig honesty. If she rejects that, wash your hands of her and move on. No texting or footsie at the bar, no nothing, game over. There is no reason why you need to apologize or lay any ground work to just taking her out and trying to get into her pants. You're a man, she's a woman, she's been flirtatious, you've been communicating with her for how long now? She knows the game, you're both adults, no need to beat around the bush. What, she doesn't, "like you like that"? OK, that's fine, you've wasted enough time pining over her and she's not the only woman on the planet you want to or could bed. Goodbye, have a nice life.

To me if you are going to get this woman that's the only way, straight forward and to the point. When you first meet up with her again be that confident man and treat her like prey. Don't be intimidated by her. If she sees that you're insecure she is gonna chew you up and spit you out like before. Let her know you are not that scared little boy but instead a man, a lawyer, who's got woman coming at him and will be making mad bank in a few years. You're future is bright, what has she done? You've got to get into that mindset that you're bigger than her. That she's the one who needs to be getting with you. Let's face it you've been dancing waaay too long, time for some backseat action, if not just drive off and never look back.
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heist

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I don't like the whole "be an asshole" approach to courtship/relationships, because I don't think it helps either party in the end. It's still just more games being played. It's childish.

Instead. You need to think less about what's "going on" in the situation and be less invested in the outcome, however things go. You sound like this girl is the Only One, when there's no reason for you to feel this huge connection just yet with her. To do this, try having fun with other girls or your friends, and just think about her less deeply. Keep things casual, and don't be obsessed. If she wants to do something, great. If not, still great. With either outcome, you won't get hurt over something that didn't even exist in the first place; you'll only come out ahead if things do work out.

One last thing to keep in mind -- sometimes it's more attractive to seem less obsessed. This is related to the whole "play the asshole" thing people do. But what's attractive about it is /not/ being a jerk; it's that it's unattractive (or even offensive) to other people if you assume things before they've happened. So don't make assumptions, and you'll be much better off.
 

ShannonH

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The thing is, you had your chance to bang this girl. The fact that she came to you to start conversation shows that you were on a fast break, all you had to do was make the wide open lay-up. But when the ball got in your hands, you dropped it and somehow kicked the ball out of bounds.

Agreed. She may not see you as a potential lover now, but it's because you rejected her first. Sounds like you jerked her around for a bit. Honestly, it doesn't sound like you're really that in to her, but for some reason feeling like you're 'pathetic' because you're not dating is driving you crazy. When you're actually in to someone, you don't describe being with them as 'not feeling right', and you certainly don't think that making out with them makes things 'awkward' if there's no external reason (e.g. co-workers, friend's ex, etc.) for it.

Realistically your post title shouldn't ask 'does she like me?', but 'do I like her?'
 

Jabriel

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Look, listen to what people are saying to you. From what you've told us it's clear, as a woman let me make it very clear, YOU ARE IN THE BULLPEN. You're second choice at the desert table. She's slow dancing with you as she's looking over your shoulder at other men on the dance floor.

So listen up 'nice guy' ... I know, you want to, "at least try one last time" and "not scared of getting rejected". Fine, you have balls right? If so don't feel the need to "reconcile". What, you two were married? You don't owe her shit. Bringing up old hat makes you look like a wimp and reminds her of why you never closed the deal.

You want her? Be a confident prick, ask her out, and be aggressive. And by confident prick I mean the proud rooster of the yard. Be the boy who went away to school, grew up, nailed mad pussy, and came home a man. A man who knows what he wants and makes it very clear what he wants. Women dig honesty. If she rejects that, wash your hands of her and move on. No texting or footsie at the bar, no nothing, game over. There is no reason why you need to apologize or lay any ground work to just taking her out and trying to get into her pants. You're a man, she's a woman, she's been flirtatious, you've been communicating with her for how long now? She knows the game, you're both adults, no need to beat around the bush. What, she doesn't, "like you like that"? OK, that's fine, you've wasted enough time pining over her and she's not the only woman on the planet you want to or could bed. Goodbye, have a nice life.

To me if you are going to get this woman that's the only way, straight forward and to the point. When you first meet up with her again be that confident man and treat her like prey. Don't be intimidated by her. If she sees that you're insecure she is gonna chew you up and spit you out like before. Let her know you are not that scared little boy but instead a man, a lawyer, who's got woman coming at him and will be making mad bank in a few years. You're future is bright, what has she done? You've got to get into that mindset that you're bigger than her. That she's the one who needs to be getting with you. Let's face it you've been dancing waaay too long, time for some backseat action, if not just drive off and never look back.

FACT! This is it when I fucked up with one of my situations from before actually, quite recently. Turned into a little bitch is the fact of the matter. Learn from this quote and me do just that because when I think back on it it was simple shit I myself fucked up on. But gotta move on and make stuff happen with the next vag. In my early life I was quite guilty of this and it's been a hard road myself to move on and become this other person that HAS to be a man and take place instead of the young scared boy. In the end I'm finding out though it pays off hella better. Just do it dude!