Need some relationship advice.

TweetyBaby

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So here's the back ground. We've been together for a yr on and off. I have no problem with him sleeping with other people as long as I'm aware of it. We have a daughter together I'm 19 he's 24. Since we've been together he's done a few shady things. He tried to get me to meet his ex as if they were just friends but when I saw messages from her to him she was telling him she isn't going to meet his family so she can pretend there isn't something going on. I knew he went t see her. He never told me about the fact that they were fondling each other. Now he suddenly won't let me look through his phone. Any time I ask why his only response is why are you so obsessed with looking at it. Insight?:confused:
 
L

likespineapple

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I have no problem with him sleeping with other people as long as I'm aware of it.
Are you really though?

Is he actually the person you want to be with, or are you just staying with him because you have a child together? Is he detrimental to that child's development? Is he a good provider for the child and for you, both physically, emotionally, and monetarily?

If you're not comfortable with him talking to his ex, (and it's obviously more than talking) then you're not comfortable with him sleeping with other woman. I don't know why you would be comfortable with either of those. I don't think you should be.

He sounds like a dick. No offense.
 
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amazinggrace

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If you are okay with him sleeping with other people as long as you are aware of this, what could be so much more about him on his phone that you would be so concerned about? It seems there are no strings attached. Are you guys just wanting to enjoy each others company every so often?

I would just be more concerned about my daughter more than anything. I'm not sure what it is you are looking for, but I wish you the best., and I wish I had something helpful to say.
 

kurios

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To put it bluntly, you don't have a relationship
You seem to have given this guy a very long leash and that isn't enough for him
You are giving and he is taking
I think(and it is easy for me to say) commitment is a two way street and I don't understand why you accept his screwing around on you. What if you played the same game?
I think he is being disrespectful of parameters that you have agreed to in other words he doesn't seem to appreciate how good he has it.
Time to really assess how much you want to be part of this one sided game
Hopefully you will reestablish your self worth and wave goodbye............find someone that wants to be with you only
ps. for what it is worth, he is a dick!
 

Exbiker

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It looks like you may have made some serious mistakes in your life.

That's ok though. People often do make mistakes. Just about everyone, including me.

The good news is, you have plenty of time to put things right.

Step one - if I'm right - is to split up with him.

Planning everything will take a lot of time and effort. You will need loving support from parents and/or others around you.

Start soon. Time heals nothing on its own. Time is just a place required for us to do things, to learn, and to change ...

Priority 1 should be your child.

Best of luck.
 
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TweetyBaby

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Thank you guys for all the advice. Him messing with other females doesn't bother me. All I ask for is honesty. And not the "leave out pieces" kind of honesty. True and utter honesty. It's the only thing that really means a lot to me. Here's my worry. Child isn't his biologically. We met a few days after I had her and since my pregnancy was a result of a rape he stepped in as father. I'm afraid if I lose him my daughter will too.
 

socalfreak

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To put it bluntly, you don't have a relationship
You seem to have given this guy a very long leash and that isn't enough for him
You are giving and he is taking
I think(and it is easy for me to say) commitment is a two way street and I don't understand why you accept his screwing around on you. What if you played the same game?
I think he is being disrespectful of parameters that you have agreed to in other words he doesn't seem to appreciate how good he has it.
Time to really assess how much you want to be part of this one sided game
Hopefully you will reestablish your self worth and wave goodbye............find someone that wants to be with you only
ps. for what it is worth, he is a dick!

Perfectly said
....

Also, it sounds a bit like your self-esteem is pretty low.
Don't accept being treated like this. You deserve an equal.

Lastly, I get that you don't want your daughter to be traumatized by leaving this guy.
But, the long- lasting trauma of her growing up believing this is the way relationships are supposed to be, is much, much worse.
 

AlteredEgo

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It is okay if your daughter loses him right now. In fact, it may be better for her that you admit to yourself he isn't a man who can give you what you want from a man. He just can't. He's not going to change much, people rarely do. My advice is to get on with your life. A year from now, your little girl won't even remember him.
 
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725672

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I would say he cares little or even doesnt care at all about you or your daughter. Your standard and unlimits give him opportunity to go and do what he does.
Honesty....do you really think he will be truly honest with you? He should be about you and your daughter, is he? Honestly NO. (His actions if in fact he is sleeping around etc.)speak loud and clear.
I agree that you need to relook at your relationship. More importantly I think you need to look at the standards your setting for yourself, these standards should be higher because the results may and could and will directly effect your daughter and how she deals with men, and people in general.
I commend you for having her, and I encourage you to lift your head up high and do all that you can so that she your daughter have the best possible life you can offer and give to her.
Your man needs to be all about and all for you and your daughter, point blank none of this go do what you want junk.

.
 

tiger61

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so it is ok for him to screw other women but not ok to talk with them on the phone?

Since there isn't a ring on your finger (or his), you technically don't have a "union". So in other words he is free to do as he wishes.........and so are you.
 

EllieP

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Sweetie, I'm old fashioned, so what you're going to get from me is plain old-fashioned advice. But first let me tell you I was in your shoes. I was 18 with a newborn and a husband who was bedding every other female but me.

First, you cannot tell a man it's ok to sleep with someone else and then expect him to play by rules.

Secondly, never fall into the trap that you need him. You need a companion who is faithful and a will love your daughter, but you don't need him.

Third, you will never get him back even if you rescind your permission. That boat has sailed.

You have every right to be suspicious of him because what he's doing is suspicious. But remember, you let him do it!

If anyone suspects their mate of doing something wrong over and over again then there's only one of two things you can do: quit being suspicious or find someone you can trust. The second is the easier way, I know from experience.

You never said if you're allowed to sleep with other guys, in which case there's no situation here because there's no real relationship.

If I have to explain why subjecting your child to an "open" relationship is not a good thing then I don't think I can explain anything to you.
 
D

deleted848353

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Ok first off you told him he could sleep with others as long as you knew about it well what did you expect from him with that clause him to stay to the agreement nope sorry doesnt work that way and im pretty sure had you told him he couldnt he would have done in the end anyway. Also he doesnt have any ties to your child as you stated he isnt the father. I also think if he could be cheating on you with his ex what says he didnt do the same to her. Also checking his phone or demanding to check his phone is against his privacy get over it and stop being so controlling and insecure or you find yourself on your own
 

Mercurygirl

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So here's the back ground. We've been together for a yr on and off. I have no problem with him sleeping with other people as long as I'm aware of it. We have a daughter together I'm 19 he's 24. Since we've been together he's done a few shady things. He tried to get me to meet his ex as if they were just friends but when I saw messages from her to him she was telling him she isn't going to meet his family so she can pretend there isn't something going on. I knew he went t see her. He never told me about the fact that they were fondling each other. Now he suddenly won't let me look through his phone. Any time I ask why his only response is why are you so obsessed with looking at it. Insight?:confused:

Thank you guys for all the advice. Him messing with other females doesn't bother me. All I ask for is honesty. And not the "leave out pieces" kind of honesty. True and utter honesty. It's the only thing that really means a lot to me. Here's my worry. Child isn't his biologically. We met a few days after I had her and since my pregnancy was a result of a rape he stepped in as father. I'm afraid if I lose him my daughter will too.

So in fact you don't have a child together. You have a child.

Why do you feel he needs to answer to you? You don't care if he fucks other women but you have to know about it? Why? How about it's none of your business? How about you find someone you are emotionally invested in and serious about if you're so concerned about your daughter having a father? Seriously, are you going to continue this pattern of absurd behavior through your daughter's entire life? ... "No, daddy isn't come home tonight again, I spied in his phone and he'll be sleeping over that other woman's house." Really, that's what you want for your daughter?
 

lafever

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So here's the back ground. We've been together for a yr on and off. I have no problem with him sleeping with other people as long as I'm aware of it. We have a daughter together I'm 19 he's 24. Since we've been together he's done a few shady things. He tried to get me to meet his ex as if they were just friends but when I saw messages from her to him she was telling him she isn't going to meet his family so she can pretend there isn't something going on. I knew he went t see her. He never told me about the fact that they were fondling each other. Now he suddenly won't let me look through his phone. Any time I ask why his only response is why are you so obsessed with looking at it. Insight?:confused:
You started a thread with this OP http://www.lpsg.com/358444-new-here.html#post4836185 and you're upset because you cannot control your man. You tell us where you work and what you do like an advertisement and you say this>
[quote(TweetyBaby)]"Not sure how I ran across this site except I was surfing the web and thought it looked interesting."
You do know that we get constantly attacked by spam from the place you call work, could that be how you found this site? Are you just out to get attention to that site where you just happen to work? If so then you're spamming now, if I'm wrong then please set me straight.
Although when you say things like this>
[quote(TweetyBaby)] "No you can not have nude pics of me for free." then it makes me hard to believe that anything you're saying is legit.

C.
 
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