Need to cheat to save a relationship, can any guy relate?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Multipass, May 14, 2006.

  1. Multipass

    Multipass New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2005
    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London, Canada
    Hey all. When I find myself sleeping with one girl for a while, I have this desire to sleep with another woman. When I do, I really get back into the old girl and my sex drive with her goes through the roof. I often find myself "cheating" on a girl to better our sex lives.

    Now I don't really consider it cheating cause I only do this with girls that I'm dating, not on a girl friend or anything. Although we never actually say it, it's assumed by girls that I could very well be sleeping with someone else.

    So my question is, can anyone else relate to this sort of primal urge? I'm only 20 so maybe this is just a stage I'm going through. Can anyone else relate to these urges? And I don't mean "do you ever feel like sleeping with someone else?" I mean that you have to sleep with someone else in order to want to sleep with your current girl again?

    It's fucked up but I figured I could ask here, thanks!
     
  2. Lex

    Lex
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2004
    Messages:
    9,536
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    In Your Darkest Thoughts and Dreams
    I personally can't relate. I have always had a strong fantasy life and have enjoyed watching some pron and jerking off to the idea of other people (or talking about other people we find hot during sex) but have never felt the need to cheat in order to rekindle my interest in my partner(s).
     
  3. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2002
    Messages:
    83,922
    Likes Received:
    34
    Pardon me for being skeptical but I feel you are trying to excuse your philandering.

    There is no excuse for infidelity, Multi. You are either faithful or you are not.
     
  4. rob_just_rob

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2005
    Messages:
    6,037
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Nowhere near you
    Sorry - but to me, that sounds like a poor rationalization for unkind behaviour.

    Sort of like when I was 20 and had never done a minute of volunteer/charity work in my life. I rationalized it to a woman I met at a party by saying "I wouldn't be good at it, because I can't get motivated to do anything that doesn't benefit me."

    The punchline is that I truly believed that she'd accept that as a reasonable position!
     
  5. dong20

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2006
    Messages:
    6,130
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    The grey country
    If I follow your logic...:confused: You seem to draw a definite distinction between dating and 'girfriend' so in your view there is no relationship thus no cheating....? If that doesn't bother you then I guess there's little damage done though I'd say potentially it sets a dangerous precedent.

    I have to ask though, how you would feel if the situation were reversed, then decide if it's cheating and also if you don't tell the girl that you're sleeping with others what's the rationale behind her assuming you are or is it just a convenient way to tell yourself well, she knows so it's OK?

    If you need to cheat to 'save' a relationship, I'd say you need a new relationship...:rolleyes:
     
  6. rhino_horn

    rhino_horn New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2006
    Messages:
    350
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    east coast-usa
    i tend to have the same problem..i describe it as getting bored with the girl ur with, but then again, ive never been in a relationship with anyone; ill screw a girl until my penis loses interest in her(usually just once) and then move on.

    it goes back to people saying that ur only interested in the sex, i imagine that if i considered a girl my friend maybe i cud stand her presence a little longer?

    personally, i wudnt cheat on a girl if i told her we were involved in a "relationship," and i certainly wudnt lie about it to her, u shud confess to her or stop banging other women, lest u become reputed as a scumbag.
     
  7. Multipass

    Multipass New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2005
    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London, Canada
    Well..... not a nice reaction. lol well let me just explain my rationale.

    If a woman that is dating me wants to sleep with other men, it is only a natural urge for her and she cannot be blamed for it. Honestly, I wouldn't be mad, upset, or hurt because of it. It even happened once when I was gone for a month, she needed sex and that's only normal.

    So I'm not pulling any double standard here, and I'm not a chauvanistic pig. I even have talked to some girls about it, they'll usually want to see a picture of the other girl I'm sleeping with, but that's it. As long as I'm not "in love" with anyone, many won't care.

    Thanks "rhino_horn" I'm glad someone could relate to me, maybe I just get bored easily like you?

    To everyone else: I am not making an "excuse" for sleeping with more than one woman at the same time. There is no need to excuse such natural behaviour. There are lots of women who understand this. Trust me, women can read you so well. Regardless of what your true beliefs or ideals are, as long as youre genuine they will more than likely understand.

    Do you guys honestly think I'm a bad person for this? Or are YOU just skeptical that this happens naturally?
     
  8. rob_just_rob

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2005
    Messages:
    6,037
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Nowhere near you
    Your clarification changes the situation somewhat. Your initial post didn't indicate that you were telling your partners about your other partners. In fact, the thread title including the word "cheat" gives the impression that deception is involved.

    So long as the women you're seeing are aware and okay with it, no problem in my mind. Otherwise, they're at emotional and physical (i.e. STD) risk with no way to protect themselves.

    As for whether I'd want to do the same thing - sure, I think about it, the grass always seems greener on the far side of the fence. But I am a little old fashioned, and I know I wouldn't like it if my g/f was seeing someone else. So no double standard for me. If I want someone else that badly, I'll end the relationship.
     
  9. dong20

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2006
    Messages:
    6,130
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    The grey country
    If you had explained fully at the start it would have helped, given the title of the thread. Though your statement now that you have showed girls pictures of others you're sleeping with is directly in contradiction with what you initially said:

    I wish the women I knew had been as 'open minded' when I was your age:rolleyes:

    I don't believe that's for anyone but you to decide, I also don't think anyone said you were a bad person just that you should come clean about it...which perhaps you did. But as you didn't say so at the start....you have to expect a little scepticism about your motivation.

    I don't doubt this happens a lot, just some said it wasn't for them.
     
  10. gg42

    gg42 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Messages:
    244
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Texas
    You're 20, you have no business being in a serious relationship and you know it or you would not have posted. Nut up and tell women that - it will cost you some sex, but it's the right thing to do.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted