need urgent advise!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by andreaaa, Nov 19, 2010.

  1. andreaaa

    andreaaa Member

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    my bf discovered a couple of dvd i had registered with guys having sex or masturbation or whatever from cam4.. He's very mad, he noticed that they were downloaded recently, and he asks for an explanation.. what should I say to him? i'm having trouble admitting that i'm a porn addict.. he's also very sensitive and insecure, and knowing that he probably now thinks that he is not enough for me and stuff like that.. what should i say to him?? HEEEELP!!
     
  2. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    I find that in relationships that Honesty is the best policy. My BF and I have been together 33 years and I think "Honesty" is one of the things that has kept us together. Keeping secrets from each other can only lead to a sense of "separation" from each other. just my 2 cents.
     
  3. green carnation

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    My advice is to disconnect your computer and start to connect with your relationship.
     
  4. AlteredEgo

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    Tell him what you've told us. Are you really addicted to pornography? If so, are you willing to get help so you can be more focused on your relationship?

    Have you and he ever discussed porn or masturbation before? Has it been expressly forbidden to download porn? Can you enjoy porn together?
     
  5. andreaaa

    andreaaa Member

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    guys, guys!.. I would love to be honest but Idon't know what to say to him.. It's not like i'm watching lots of porn.. I was exagerating calling myself a PA! I don't know why I downloaded that stuff!? I never watched it!.. Me and him we are openminded persons, we discuss everything.. but this one here I don't know how to explain it to myself either..
     
  6. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    Just be honest, say you downloaded them because you wanted to watch them at some point. Reassure him that you didn't do it to hurt him and it was not your intention to cause him any upset. If he is someone who strongly objects to you owning porn then if you are serious about showing him you mean what you say why not offer to get rid of the discs?

    Hindsight is an annoying thing, but in the future perhaps you should be honest about what you are doing online. It's no big deal but it will quickly become a big deal if he thinks you are doing things behind his back.
     
  7. andreaaa

    andreaaa Member

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  8. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    Oh lord, this is your own relationship - if you knew it was such a big problem you shouldn't have done it in the first place. Just be honest and make sure your apology is genuine. Sorry to say it, but you got yourself in to this mess.... ;)
     
  9. andreaaa

    andreaaa Member

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    thanks flameboy, you are getting really close with your intuition!
    but he doesn't object in having porn, the problem as you said is doing things behind his back (especially because he is insecure)
    Let's say i had my lesson and in the future i will probably be more honest, but right now telling him unfortunately that I didn't meant to upset him won't be enough..
     
  10. XSILVER

    XSILVER Well-Known Member

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    Well I (in my personal openion) think that you are going through a state of embarassment. It has happened to me where my BF and I were sitting at a friends place and he asked me to check something on the internet (on my phone) and when i opened the internet, there was the porn i was looking at a couple days prior. I was a bit embarassed and we were akward with each other the whole ride home but talked when we got home he was the one who said "you think i dont look at porn and you are the only one?" Honestly IS THE ONLY WAY to have a relationship. Talk to your BF and tell him the truth. Tell him that you watch porn and it has nothing to do with him and his ability to pleasure you. Put all your cards on the table and I have no doubt that everything will work out in the end.
     
  11. andreaaa

    andreaaa Member

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    xsilver, watching porn it's one thing! registering it is something else!..
     
  12. B_curiousme01

    B_curiousme01 New Member

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    We seriously need like 100,000,000 more Fb's in this world. Think of what we could achieve and be as a complete society? Seriously, every post you reply to is thoughtful and considerate. Admiration everywhere for you.
     
  13. XSILVER

    XSILVER Well-Known Member

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    Well I would have to respectfully disagree with you on that one. Porn is porn! weather you watch it for free or registering for it. If you are anything like me (which it sounds like you are) your are trying to justify your BF's feelings buy analyizing what you did and making it out to be worse than it is. Just take a moment to yourself and really try to disect the situation and tell yourself that it is not that big of a deal...Its not like you were caught in bed with a goat.
     
  14. helgaleena

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    A lot of the free porn is just as good as the paid for porn. And if you don't know why you downloaded it, tell your SO that you would like to find out why, and that you wish to watch it with him.

    You have two things to discover: one, why you downloaded porn onto a DVD which is pretty permanent, and two, what watching it together does to your relationship. Let your SO help you with the answers.
     
  15. sexplease

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    Try telling the truth and being honest. Explain yourself starting with, "I feel..."
     
  16. Stephenmass

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    I don't see a major problem. So you watch porn...my partner does too...as do I. What is the big deal? If the ones you DL'ed are hot, watch them with him. Etc. What's wrong with a little fantasy? Nothing in my own opinion. Now some will disagree with me here, but if you were camming with someone that may bug me. But beyond that, not much else would unless you start actually meeting up to do whatever.
     
  17. Adrian69702006

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    I don't there's any doubt that honesty is the best policy. If you want an honest, trusting relationship it's important your boyfriend knows about your needs and your situation and that you explain the situation properly - but tactfully as well. If you feel you've got an addiction it would certainly be of benefit to try and get professional help if you can. Good luck. I hope you can get things sorted out soon.
     
  18. BBCP

    BBCP Member

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    I'm still trying to figure out what the issue is... Your boyfriend found porn. Was he pissed because it was from a cam site therefore you may have been broadcasting yourself at the time as well?

    The thought that a boyfriend would get pissed over porn is so foreign to me, I can't really wrap my head around it. It seems like a given when dealing with men. I'd guess honesty would be the best way to handle it. Say "yes I downloaded it to look at when I wanted to jack off" or whatever. Other than that I have no clue. I've never had a BF who took issue with porn.
     
  19. andreaaa

    andreaaa Member

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    All my respect for you, fb!.. For your advise, intuition and maturity! Thanks!
     
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