nervous about dorm room mate

[rebelmen]

No need to worry really. I lived in dorms for over 4 years very recently. One of the biggest, possibly the biggest, concern for a straight guy moving in with a new, unknown roommate is that he will be gay. That's because straight guys are just as concerned with sexual etiquette as you would be. My advice is don't ever bring it up directly, that would be awkward. Instead, just let him see you hanging around with with guys (non-sexually) and having female friends. He'll get the hint soon enough. He'll also respect your privacy for sure. If you need the room to yourself, just ask. He won't care who you're in there with.

 

[LeeEJ]

No need to worry really. I lived in dorms for over 4 years very recently. One of the biggest, possibly the biggest, concern for a straight guy moving in with a new, unknown roommate is that he will be gay. That's because straight guys are just as concerned with sexual etiquette as you would be.

Hopefully, that's all it would be. There's always a risk of getting assigned with someone who is very anti-gay, but optimistically, I like to think that more and more people are getting beyond that mentality.

barsonlyone, I don't envy your position at all. I haven't had to deal with the situation myself; I can only guess at how nervous you must be. Take everything that's been offered, put together your own scenario, and hope for the best.

For everyone who says, "Just be yourself, nobody can tell you what to do," I reluctantly have to say that dorm living isn't the place where anyone can completely "be themselves" 100% of the time. It's been said that people really live three lives: a public life that everyone sees, a private life that only close friends & family see, and a "secret life" that nobody else sees.

To illustrate this in a funnier way, I think of a skit on Saturday Night Live where guest host Patrick Swayze reprised a scene from Ghost. Rather than romantically helping his girl with her pottery, he saw how she lounged around like a bum, smoking, drinking beer and picking lint from her belly button. That was her "secret life" that he never even saw for himself. :wink:

Dorm life is easier to manage when you can figure out where your public/private/secret lives begin & end, and how to deal with them in a small space that would otherwise be very private & personal. It's almost like living in a completely public space.

 

[D_Lee_Iacuckold]

do you think there is something wrong with having straight/gay/lesbian as a choice in an application for housing? it sounds like segregation though. im sure more than not a straight guy would opt, if given the option, for another straight guy to dorm with, and i would think a gay guy would do the same. wut problems do you think that will cause? but can it be called segregation if the party chooses to room with another straight or gay guy?but then what happens to the bisexual people? or the transgendered? im so imaginative tonight.

 

[rubberwilli]

do you think there is something wrong with having straight/gay/lesbian as a choice in an application for housing? it sounds like segregation though. im sure more than not a straight guy would opt, if given the option, for another straight guy to dorm with, and i would think a gay guy would do the same. wut problems do you think that will cause? but can it be called segregation if the party chooses to room with another straight or gay guy?but then what happens to the bisexual people? or the transgendered? im so imaginative tonight.

Individuals can and will often choose to segregate themselves to like individuals. But how does that benefit society or your growth as an individual? Living segreated and socializing only with like minded indiviuals, people would have have no basis to understand social differences, and many will approach those unknown difference from fear.

Think about the "typical" straight guy going to college at 18. He's probably never known an "out" gay guy and he's afraid he going to hit on him, make a move on him, or even worse. By mixing it up, you eat away at those stereotypes and bring a human element to some aspect of diversity.

People fear the unknown. Especially in others.

Alot of the college experience is about breaking out of the comfort zone that your family and youth have created for you. It's about experiencing the diversity of the world. A liberal arts education is about all of their experiences be they academic, social, fraternal, athletic, financial, etc. that make you a well rounded adult and person of the world.

That goes for your roommate as well.

College is a stepping stone to the real world. It's a bit less controlled than high school, but a bit more controlled that the business/professional world on your own.

Enjoy it and remember that everyone is just as nervous as you for their own reasons. Most colleges have a required orientation program for freshmen students a few days to a week before classes begin, and one to two weeks of campus activities designed to make you feel at home and comfortable once you've arrived. Some of those are dorm or floor based, while others are campus wide to expose you to the campus life in general.

Remember your RA is your friend and if anything seems wrong you should have NO problem talking to them, or find an RA that you feel comfortable talking with. RA's go through extensive training, and they shouldn't blink an eye at any issue, especially GLBTQ issues. It's not easy to be an RA, they are a special breed of college student and the selection process is rigourous.

You'll be fine. Just take it as it happens and judge each situation indiviudally and based on the circumstances of the situation.

 

[B_IanTheTall]

Just be yourself. If your roomie has issues with you then it's his problem because you are who you are. Be up front with him and tell him you're gay and you hope he doesn't have a peoblem with it but if he does then he needs to check into moving because you're not.

Colleges make the person with the issues move.

 

[alex8.5]

I told my roomate the second day we moved in, that way I figured if he has trouble with this issue he can move out asap, while there were still rooms available on campus. I had to respect the fact that not all men are comfortable with having a gay roomate, so that is why I made the choice to tell him. Personally I didn't care if my roomate was gay straight, intersex, or whatever people are these days, I just take folks for who they are.

Anyway, he was o.k. with it, he was Bi. but it took awhile for him to be comfortable enough to strip in front of me, or walk around without a shirt on or just in his underpants. He slept naked, so he would always turn out the light before stripping to go to bed, it was funny, it was like he had never seen a penis before. I sleep in the nude as well, so it took about 4 weeks for him to be o.k. with being naked in front of me and to look at me naked as well.

Interesting that two straight men can have a converstion naked in a gym locker room or a steam room, throw in a gay man, and right away they cover up the jewels, like thats all were interested in.

Anyway I think you may want to consider al least telling him sooner than later, in case he wants to move out. Or ask him if he's gay or straight. Why is it that it's always the gay people that have to announce their orientation.

 

[Charles Finn]

yes be who and what you are find friends and roomies that accept you and like you for you.
I will never understand hate I have been the victim of hate way too many times. can't we all just love each other and if thats too much to ask then why can't we at least get along.
way too much violence and hate in this world for me.
but I was born in the summer of love and try to love my fellow man and women.

 

[Industrialsize]

I went to college back in the dark ages, the 70's......I was the only gay person on a floor of about 50 guys with one large communal bathroom. I was myself from day one. All of the guys were totally accepting of me. Some of them were quite hot and would enjoy when I would compliment their bodies whan I saw them naked in the bathroom. Some of them were very accepting. We would double date with their girlfriends and my boyfriends. We would sometimes go to straight bars, and sometimes go to gay bars. They're some of my fondest memories. But i think i may have been lucky in what a positive experience i had.