Nervousness and Comfort

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Martin van Burden, May 25, 2004.

  1. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    Alright, so here's the story. My best friend came down to visit this weekend. We've been friends for about a year and a half now, and we're pretty close. We can talk about practically anything, and even though I think he's a complete goof, I care about him very much. Surprisingly, we met on this website.

    As it follows, conversations about sex and our anatomy and things came pretty easily. I'm not shy to talk about that sort of stuff, and neither is he. And at some point, it became pretty damn cool to know that he and I are packing pretty much the same amount in the pants.

    So, when he came down, it just hit me one afternoon: Hmmm, I wonder if we can settle the score and show what we got. I didn't think anything of it. I admit, it was hard for me to bring the topic up to you, but I basically said that I had never known any of my good friends to be well-endowed like myself and I thought it'd be interesting if we show them off to each other. I didn't say anything about jerking off or more; just a brief show and that's it.

    He laughed uneasily and said that that was a little too uncomfortable. Naturally, I ribbed him about it -- since our equipment's no different and that we both shower at the gym and things like that, what the hell. He said he'd think about it, but I called his bluff. I brought it up again later that evening and he didn't want to.

    Okay, that's cool.

    But while I was working on some homework in the other room, I got to thinking. What's his problem? I had all kinds of arguments worked out in my head about why a bit of show-and-tell would be nowhere near as threatening as he saw it. I thought about sexuality -- you know, I'm straight too, but I think I'm well-adjusted enough to realize that showing them won't make either of us gay. Was I going too far? Well, no... I just said show-and-tell. And I had to catch myself from assuming, hey, maybe he's just lying about what he has... I don't think that's fair.

    I know that he's allowed to have his boundaries. I'm not arguing against those.

    Let me put it this way. I have a full-size futon. We had to share it while he slept over since I'm only in a one-bedroom apartment. It's cool. We joked about the other not getting upset if they get jabbed with morning wood. Ha ha, indeed. But the nights that we slept (physically slept) together, he was totally comfortable being practically snuggled up to me. I didn't care. I'd throw my arm around him or I'd spoon him if he laid that close to me, and he did the same. Sunday night, I remember turning toward him and he snuggled up to me. He gave me this really delicate massage along my back and my arms. (Felt strange because the touch was so light, but it was relaxing, yeah.)

    I guess that's what I don't understand. Why doesn't he have qualms about more intimate behaviors which I think would be out of the typical hetero's comfort zone, but freezes up like the Antarctic when I brought up the show and tell? (I have one guess. He's not afraid of stuff he initiates, but...)

    Anyhow, sorry for rambling -- I just had to get all this out to make better sense of it.
     
  2. D_Humper E Bogart

    D_Humper E Bogart New Member

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    Hmmm, he's close, but maybe he doesn't want to go that far, it's one thing to be with someone, but "wang comparison" is a little too sexual for me, as an example.
     
  3. Mr. Big Stuff

    Mr. Big Stuff Member

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    Dee,

    I am sorry Dee, but I just do not know. At first, I was thinking that there should be no problem with a little show and tell. But that definitely depends on your comfort level. And maybe he just wasnt comfortable showing another guy. However, if he is more than willing to do what I consider much more intimate... spooning, massaging etc, then I do not know what to think.

    Like you, I hesitate to call someone a liar. There could be a host of issues to explain his behavior. Maybe he is really Bi, and wants to explore at a 'slower' pace. Again, I don't know.

    Sorry

    Ken
     
  4. twista

    twista Member

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    Like you said earlier Dee maybe that goes one step too far for him. Obviously, close physical contact and showing private part are two totally separate things in his mind, with showing being over the top. Personally, I would have a BIGGER problem with close "intimate" sleeping situations than having a "show and tell" session. But what can you say: "Different strokes for different folks."
     
  5. hungmormon

    hungmormon New Member

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    NOTHINGWRONGON SHOW AND TELL
     
  6. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Dee, I've often wondered if I'd ever have the pleasure to meet up with a brother from the board. I can imagine it would be quite normal for us to discuss our intimate lives and the challenges of being hung much like we do on the internet.

    I've also wondered how I'd react to a "Let's see how yours looks" comment. After years of being familiar with the packages of male family and friends, communal showering with strangers, hanging dick and balls over the elastic waist of sweat pants at the urinal in the mens' room, etc., I'm quite comfortable being 'exposed' so-to-speak.

    But would I flop the stuff out in a situation like the one you described?

    Only if he flopped his stuff out first! :p
     
  7. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    Ha ha, cop out! A quick two-of-three of rock paper scissors will settle the "Who drops trou first?" question. Or after enough beers, no one's gonna care.

    Brings up an interesting question, though: Since we're mostly secure LPSGers around here, if a few of us met up, would it seem "natural" to bring up our sizes again and haul 'em out? I remember a few posts way back when involving members who had met up and showed 'n jerked. I'm pretty sure I would, you know, if I liked ya and we got along and the whole situation was relaxed.

    I'm not sweating this. I'm glad you guys are giving your input; keep it coming.

    I'm talking with another LPSGer who laughed, as did I, figuring that people who meet on LPSG seem rather comfortable enough discussing their dicks and bods. It would seem strange not to take a minute or two to confirm, "Yeah, I'm packing a big one."
     
  8. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    To date, I've encountered eight LPSGers in person (other than my brothers). Of those eight, I've only seen the cocks of three of them. Usually our first meetings were preceded by many e-mails and phone calls. We had discussed many private things and had bonded before our IRL encounters. We were beyond the 'we both have big cocks' stage; we had become friends. Sure, we'll discuss our genital dimensions on LPSG: that's a large part of what this site is about. But our relationship had transcended the online dick thing. I'm sure we wouldn't have been offended by seeing each other's penis, but that's not what our friendship was about. Except for one of those LPSGers, I maintain contact with all of them, and the subject of our cocks never comes up, if you'll pardon the expression. I'm sure that a few of them would be embarassed if I asked them to haul out their équipage for my inspection, and I might feel the same if they made that request of me. (Yeah, most have seen my dick while I was dancing; the audience/stage distance somehow makes a difference.) They've become my friends, and I don't make a habit of playing penile show-&-tell with my friends. We have more things in common while our pants are on. Physical intimacy of a non-sexual nature (e.g. hugging, massages, spooning, etc.) doesn't bother us, but bringing our cocks into it seems to make it sexual. Maybe your bud feels the same way. I have less problems showing my cock to complete strangers than I do to friends.
     
  9. jay_too

    jay_too New Member

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    Yea, I am sorta goofy, but I know how your friend feels.

    Dropping my pants to show my stuff? Nah. On the other hand, I have no problem with changing and showering at the gym. Or maybe even streaking...hey, I am getting too old for that; but then, I might because I love the shocked expression when someone looks up and then the laughter and cheers (usual) or the icy prune look.

    Now that I think about it, I realize that it has been almost two years since I streaked....maybe I should do one before I get really old.

    jay
     
  10. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    * jay_too streaks naked past 2 old ladies who are sitting on a park bench *

    "Who the devil was that, Earleen?"

    "Dunno, Hazel, but his jogging suit sure needs ironing."
     
  11. jonb

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    Yeah, it's heterosexual not heterointimate. All males need a degree of intimacy with other males; it just happens that said intimacy doesn't usually lead to sex. It's like with incest: Some relationships are too close for us to actually add a sexual dimension to it.
     
  12. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    I think the last couple of posts have jumped the gun on some assumptions. Guess it's my fault for not clarifying in the first place, but...

    For starters, the friendship is considerably independent of the commonalities in our dick size. Very much so. Naturally, we act all childlike and goofy and we constantly jab each other with insults, but deep down, I think he and I are very good friends considering the method in which we first met. He DID drive 850 miles out of his way to visit, after all. Our friendship isn't centered and hasn't ever been centered on our dicks. We're friends first.

    Besides DMW, didn't you make a big hoorah a long time ago about meeting up with several people and you all had a circle jerk or something?

    But that's not the point.

    Jon, I'm agreement with you. Males do need a lot more intimacy, especially with each other, since in most cases, peers and society discourage that sort of behavior as feminine, homosexually inclined, or what have you. That's something that made our friendship click; that we could talk and be open about whatever's on our minds without it getting strange or weird. One thing I'll always appreciate about him is his candidness and his willingness to talk and listen, when he's not busy being a jackass.

    And when you said... "Some relationships are too close for us to actually add a sexual dimension to it" that really threw me off. See, I'm more prone to think of the intimate behavior as more sexual... or at the very least, way more personal... than a bit of brief exhibitionism. That exhibitionism was its own end -- take a moment to show the goods, appreciate, tuck 'em away, or at the very most, a quick jerkoff or something. That's it. End of story.

    "Presence of cock" doesn't necessarily mean sexual; it's situation specific. The easy argument is the gym or something -- everybody's getting naked and showering and there's no avoiding it. (And as much as a porn would suggest it, there's little inherently sexual about washing off some sweat.) The more difficult one to sell is the show-off, I know. Knowing that my intentions were rather pure (meaning the show-off was my limit and I had no wish to take it further), I have a hard time pegging that under "sexual." If I wanted him to blow me, oh sure... discomfort city. But I didn't.

    In fact, hell, I had the most difficult time summoning up the courage to admit my curiosity. That was way tough, even for a sensitized fucker like myself. And yeah, it was a bit of a blow to get rebuffed; and while I'm still trying to better understand the situation, it's not going to negatively impact our friendship.

    At best, I think it's, at best, a clash of comfort levels. I'm sure at some point in my life I would've froze up too, but since I had had quite a bit of fun in my day, I simply wasn't shocked. Like I've maintained all along, I don't understand his feelings but I accept them as they are.
     
  13. Imported

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    rainsfletcher: I'm not sure if my perspective is different from those who have posted before or not, but what struck me immediately about your question was that he was willing to be and do things that were truly intimate, but unwilling to expose his dick.

    There are (in my meager and uninformed) mind, only two options:

    1) He isn't all that he has said he is, but is afraid of exposure.

    2) He has some sort of curiosity or interest in you romatically or sexually, and is afraid of the next step?

    In my mind, you don't get into a bed with a guy (under any circumstances) unless you are open to him sexually. To massage a guy or touch him while in bed with him, well, that's a come on. I am not sexually attracted to men, but I would have the same reaction toward women. If I get into be with her and am massaging her, that is an invitation or a first step. Depending on the reaction, maybe more things happen.

    So, to answer you question...Maybe he was interested in you sexually, but was nervous about the next step??
     
  14. madame_zora

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    Rains, I agree with you there, but being the skeptical bastard that I am, I think he's not as well hung as he claims. Intimacy should be much more intimidating that just exposure, although you could also be right about the attraction factor. I've just had too many guys tell me they're hung like a horse, only to find out it was only in their fantasies!
     
  15. Imported

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    rainsfletcher: Ah, the fragility of the male ego.

    So many men are so incredibly insecure with their endowment. If I could only share with you all the off-line conversations.

    For so many men, the size of a man's dick is everything. THis is such a complex issue for men. Sometimes, I imagine, men lie about the size of their dick to get a woman (or man) into bed. More often, however, I think it's about building themselves up in their own mind.

    Madame_zora (and the rest of you), it's very difficult to be a man in this world, where size is purported to be the end-all and be-all (and probably is, if we're honest). In an old post from several months ago, there was a thread on size references in movies and TV....it went to, God - 8 pages? Between that and the spam, what is a man to think?

    He thinks that he's not interesting unless he has 8 inches+...sucks to be alive in this world, eh?

    I really think Dee's guy was intersted in him. I just can't get over the massage and sleeping in the same bed thing. As I said, I'm probably stupid, but I've paid my own way on business trips to avoid sleeping in the same ROOM as another man, let alone in the same bed. Maybe that says more about me than your friend, but in my opinion his degree of comfort with you should tell you something....
     
  16. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    A seahorse?

    :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  17. Max

    Max New Member

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    rainsfletcher,

    I agree with you about the fragility of the male ego. Come to think of it though, many women are just as sensitive about their image, and need reassurance as much as any man does; though of course it comes across in a whole variety of different ways, just as it does with men.

    But the sentence I have quoted I can't agree with at all. Plenty of men who are less than well-hung are fine and relaxed about it, and are obviously successful with women (or men) and are fulfilled in every other way --- and there also are some very well hung guys who have never been at ease at all. Only a small percentage of people of either sex are all that bothered about penis size IMHO, though a fair number of them have found their way here. :)
     
  18. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    It was not 'a big hoorah'; it was in answer to a question someone asked concerning what happened at my twenty-fourth birthday party. And only two of the people involved were guys I met here at LPSG. Those two were two of the three I mentioned earlier in this thread.
     
  19. Pappy

    Pappy Member

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    Dee,
    I don't think he's lying about his size but that he's afraid that he won't measure up to what you have, or he might not be cut and is shy about it. I've known a few guys that were shy about showing their packages because they were not cut.

    I feel he is supressing deep feelings toward you. Let him take his time and just go with the flow. Eventually you'll get to compare packages.

    Just an old man's take on the situation. B)
     
  20. jay_too

    jay_too New Member

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    Dee..

    The point of my previous post on this thread was that goofy guyz have limits beyond which they are uncomfortable. Dropping my pants and showing my stuff to another guy is something I cannot imagine ever doing. Why? I get really uncomfortable when a guy hits on me; and I would not want to ever send the message that I might be available. If I had been your friend, I would have wondered either "Where the fuck is this going?" or "Is this not a little fast?"

    A rejected "hit" [in my experience] results in a bucket of cold water being thrown on a friendship...maybe not immediately, but within a short time.

    jay
     
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