Nervousness? How to overcome?

[jason_els]

I've had huge anxiety issues. My issues were with pee shyness, conflict, intense crowds, and unfamiliar places. It didn't help my self esteem sucked too.

I was prescribed Xanax and/or Ativan for these attacks and they work extremely well for me. They're highly addictive so I'm very careful about often I use Xanax because I don't want it to lose its effectiveness.

What surprised me the most is how good it is just to have the pills on me. I take them everywhere and just knowing they're there if I need them is a big help. It makes me more willing to try to ride out the anxiety attacks.

 

[D_Leotols Toy]

For me to even mention to my mum I was going to see a psychiatrist she would automatically assume I'm full of it or that I'm suicidal, not the most calming person. The thing is I BELIEVE it's not as serious to seek help or medication. It's not severe in the sense that it prevents me from committing to something, because I always make myself do what I'm dreading regardless, since its part of life.

Fuzzy I like your view on it man, I'll PM you in the morning time.

The truth is for the longest time I was highly confident in myself and to a certain extent I am very confident in myself, it's just for some reason at times I'll doubt my capabilities, like the serving incident. I served great for 2 days and then I had one table of grouchy older people with kids and it set back my progress and a manager actually noticed and asked if I wanted to get off the floor and go back to my old job as a busser.

It's mainly when college starts that I feel this uncertainty. The main thing is at school or large areas, I feel lost and this lost leads to a slight bit of anxiety. I'm a small town dude so large areas kind of make me nervous, although, ironically enough, I want to be in a larger city.

But given my families history, I don't want to start medication for something that seems so common from what I talk about with my dad, who said he did the same thing.

Thanks Bull, I really liked the quote, gave me a sense of calmness when I read it. I guess what I need to do is just experience more of the things that make me nervous

 

[Steinweg9]

You don't need any drugs, nor do you need to do research on drugs.

Look around you for a good body psychotherapist. You simply need to work with your internal mechanisms and become aware of what you are feeling and the location of the origins of those sensations.

This is concentrated work, but you are intense enough to engage in it.
You really need to begin this with a professional, but you can introduce yourself to the idea by simply lying on a flat surface, no pillow, knees up, palms facing upward.
Ask yourself what you are aware of. Feel your whole entire body, be gentle with yourself. Go within. Stay there and remain with it. You will find tensions, pains, movements and runnings, pockets of ache; attend to any body part that seems distressed, for there you are holding emotion, and it needs to move. Rub, gently massage...sometimes heavy pressure is necessary for you to discover the depth of the hurt.
Another human being should apply the pressures, and should hear you describe what you experience. A good professional might really help you with this, he can expedite the process. (If you are a man, it should absolutely be a man.)

Your poor body is overtaxed; you are allowing your energies, which should flow positively and lead you to a life of beauty, to misdirect, collect and hole up, blocking the pathways and causing you to fear other human beings. Other human beings are not there to be feared by you, they exist with you for joyful exchange.

Yoga, T'ai Q'i, Q'i gung, and general meditation habits might help you very much too. For myself, I refer to my a.m. meditation as my "Clearing and Alignment" at the beginning of each day. It has helped me so much -- I am much less fearful, much more self-assured and less concerned about what negativity others might direct toward me. And when they don't smell fear, they don't bite!

Whoever you are, You are Loved. LPSG is probably not the very best place to begin working on your particular issue, but you have shared here -- much respect.

I am a singer, and worked through stage fright issues long, long ago. Now, the stage is my home, I could eat, drink, sleep, and bathe there. When I am onstage, from there I can connect hearts -- mine to theirs and theirs to each other. It's incredibly rewarding and keeps me alive and living. In addition to my solo stuff, I am a choral conductor, and I teach singing, both high school and college levels. I deal with people's fears of exposure and of communicating every day. No drugs, you are well within the range of normal. You've not yet explored yourself much.

You have nothing to be afraid of; but like every one of us, you have memories and experiences informing the way you respond to new stimuli. So go inside and find them, and work them out because your cells are telling you old lies, not the new truth.

All the best. I wish I could give you, right now, the warmest, softest, most reassuring hug you have ever felt -- and I would just hold on for a little while. So just close your eyes and imagine it, it's from me!

 

[silentview]

my best answer would be to practice plain and simple.

 

[pornographicpoet]

I had terrible anxiety in public situations. I overcame it by facing my challenge head-on. I worked as a canvasser where I would spend all day talking to people and trying to get their $$$. Then, I took an Acting class when I returned to college.

There is no way I would have been able to succeed at my job (teaching) if I still had the anxiety. Best way is to put yourself in extremely stressful situations and just deal. Then the everyday stressors won't be as bad. Hope this helps!

 

[D_Leotols Toy]

All excellent advice from all different theories of it. Thanks everybody, never thought I'd get this good of a response on LPSG to be honest, but I did. So, thank you!

 

[bigbull29]

All excellent advice from all different theories of it. Thanks everybody, never thought I'd get this good of a response on LPSG to be honest, but I did. So, thank you!

We do care about you!

Many people suffer with severe anxiety. You're anything but alone, and you're anything but mentally ill. And you can learn to relate to your anxiety differently so you can live a happy life and do what you want to do.

Sometimes what creates horrible anxiety (and anger, too) in someone is their inability to express themselves. In my case, being in little towns drives me insane. I feel like someone has put a mask over my face and forcing me to be what I am not. That freaks me out like nothing else!!!!

I'd have to talk to you more to understand your anxiety and give you more advice, but keep mindful acceptance in mind (pardon the pun:biggrin1

 

[D_Leotols Toy]

Haha right on Bull.

I dug a little deeper today and I think it all stems from my mother. I don't want to put all the blame on her, but I do believe that's where it all stems from. It'll be really good to express over writing rather than talking to someone, cause no one can seem to relate.

My mum has always been a drinker, her mum was a drinker who ended up dying from drinking related problems at a mere 55 years old. My mums the exact same way, the exact same age. She has holes in her stomach caused mostly by over stressing herself and continuous drinking. I have two brothers that are about 10 years or more apart and watched my mum neglect me as a child because of drinking too late at the bar, which I was never aware of because I was too young. My dad and her split because of her drinking and his chrons disease. She's always made up stories about how horrible of a person he is, to make herself look better. I'm a college student still living at home cause of money and most every other night I watch her drink herself to sleep and she wonders why we never talk or I tell her things. Usually because when I do she's drunk and only leads to her pulling a pity card no matter the topic and saying how she's a bad mother and should die and shes going to kill herself. So talking to someone is pretty much out of the question and my friends don't understand it at all. My dad and brothers live in another state so that's difficult as well. I guess you could say I'm resentful and angry because even when I asked if she even cared that it upsets me to see her drink, her response is "well I just want to party and have a good time" Mind you that's what I should be doing, not babysitting her. I feel as if I've grown up too fast and it shows because I take responsibilities for shit I shouldn't have to.

I guess it finally got to me because this morning while cleaning some condos I just busted out crying for no reason, just thinking about it. I thought it was because I was sad, but what really led me to it was anger. I have no way to vent other than the gym and even that can't let it all out. There's no one really to vent to that can actually relate other than agreeing and nodding their head. Phew, with that said I feel a bit better.

 

[Steinweg9]

My mum has always been a drinker,
her mum was a drinker
I have two brothers that watched my mum neglect me as a child because of drinking
My dad and her split
She's always made up stories
most every other night I watch her drink herself to sleep
we talk
Usually when I do she's drunk
only leads to her pulling a pity card
saying how she's a bad mother and should die and shes going to kill herself
it upsets me to see her drink
I should be not babysitting her.

It finally got to me because this morning while cleaning some condos I just busted out crying for no reason


OK, my man.
YOU NEED to get to an AL-ANON support group IMMEDIATELY. OK?
Find one and begin attending this week, right away. There is not a moment to lose.
It would be a terrible mistake for you to ignore this message. No one has any way of coming to get you and taking you to the meeting, so go yourself: that would be the way you could assume the most responsibility for your appropriate role in the issues that surround you.
What you have communicated in this post is deeply, deeply serious, and your life will suffer long-term consequences that could be terrible if you do not begin the recovery process now.
Do not wait, the warning signs are dire.
Codependency can end up killing you -- I myself came very close to self-destruction five years ago.
Don't wait. Counseling personnel at your school can help you find the group. Talk to them right away.
Love,
Todd

 

[D_Leotols Toy]

I appreciate the post, but I'm not an alcoholic, in fact for a 19 year old college student, I drink slim to none. Pisses off a lot of my friends who don't understand. As far as getting my mum help, not a chance considering she doesn't see the damage. That's why I just lock my door in my room and zone out with music. I plan to move out, but with no real income and a full time school load, that's almost impossible. The only real solution for my mum drinking is just talking to someone. But no one relates, so it makes that almost impossible with my friends who can't even empathize for me.

 

[MarkLondon]

Al Anon (not Alcoholics Anonymous) is for people affected by others' drinking. It's a support organisation for people affected by or living with alcoholics.

 

[D_Leotols Toy]

Oh my bad then, thanks for the suggestion

 

[D_Cock_Hudson]

Possibly training or if it's really bad, then medical help.

 

[D_Leotols Toy]

I think I've come to terms with things. Over the summer I didn't have much social interaction then a few parties here and there so it made me start to feel inadequate in the social area. While I still have the nervous feelings, they'll cure themselves I believe because my 2nd year at college just started yesterday and for ONCE in my life I wasn't nervous at AT ALL. In fact, I felt really good and was saying saw a lot of people from high school that were saying hey to me and stuff.

 

[SomeGuyOverThere]

I was just wondering if there was anyone out there who used to have nerve problems and then over came and how they did it?

When in front of a crowd or put on the spot, I tend to get really nervous, shaky, and start to sweat, which is what pisses me off most cause it's gross.

I ended up getting overwhelmed trying to serve at a restaurant cause I got too nervous and I just want to get over it so I won't avoid situations like these just due to the fact I know I'll get nervous.

You know I had this for a very long time - but it wasn't just public speaking, I had a terrible stutter when talking to people I didn't know.

The way I got round it was to put on a sort of... larger than life personality when necessary. Like a mask, I wear it in situations where I need to be upfront and communicative, like in a job interview or when meeting new people etc. even when at parties I don't want to be at!

As usual, Shakespeare put it best - "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts"

Acting isn't hard when you know the part.

As for public speaking - well I noticed that when public speaking to a large audience - hardly any of them are listening, so really you're speaking to a small handful of people in the audience who are actually interested in what you're saying, and since they're interested in what you're saying it should be easy to talk to them.

 

[B_KOKOBWARE]

Face your fears...
take a strong b complex every day...
could be anxiety bro...you must learn to cope with it. I've been through it too. Public Speaking is a good idea, builds confidence.

 

[D_Leotols Toy]

Well said both of you, I like the idea of playing off as people being players and also the fact that most people really aren't listening I know I'm not when people are lol

 

[austin]

The choice to me seems simple, take a pill and mask the issue or be proactive and take the steps to understand and overcome the issue. Let us know what you decide.

Perfectly said!:smile:

 

[D_Jurgen Klitgaard]

I had a Generalized Anxiety Disorder from the age of 18 to about 27. It was almost unbearable. It was so bad that I developed adrenal fatigue. I had such bad shock syndrome that I couldn't hold a cup of coffee in the morning due to my shaking hands.

I didn't take anxiolytics because they made me very dizzy, but they might work for you. If you are extremely anxious then they really just take the edge off.

Like you, I got nervous from anticipation. I would know that an anxiety/panic attack might happen in a certain situation, so I'd get nervous just thinking about that. Eventually the anticipation itself would lead to a panic attack. In this situation, distraction is your best friend. Don't let it reach the point of no return; do anything to keep your mind busy.

What really saved me was my budding tennis 'career'. I became obsessed with it and did about three hours of on-court training every day... along with the off-court cross-training, nutrition, strategy, etc. Tennis kinda saved my life.

I now have very mild anxious depression. It's highly tolerable, so I am off of all related medication. I have dealt with my past demons and I learned how to handle stress. I don't expect to ever be on those meds again.

My advice to you: get medication that controls your anxiety but also see a shrink. You aren't crazy, but a psychologist or psychiatrist can help you get to the cause of your problem. It did wonders for me.

I feel great now, and you will too.

You know I relate very much to what you have gone through, so it's comforting to know that you have seen the light and a way to cope with it.

I recently started going back to counseling. If need be, I'll go back on medication. Right now I have gotten a better grip on the things that make me anxious and nervous. But it got so bad that it did put me into a depression. Talking about your feelings and fears really help. It also helps to have loved ones that are understanding.

 

[D_Leotols Toy]

Yea I've found that talking about anything that makes you nervous or anxious helps tremendously