Hey there. So I don't mean the post title to sound cocky. Here's my dilemma. I'm at college, and I've never had anything even close to a relationship with someone. I've tried, but I've sold myself out to someone I'm not really attracted to just because I'm lonely and I'm not doing it again.
I'm a good looking guy. I've modeled before, I go to the gym every day, I'm very masculine (in the military), muscular, and I'm confidant. I'm really nice, and I try hard not to be picky about guys I'm attracted to. But I'm attracted to guys who are also muscular, masculine, and confidant. I think it's pretty normal to want to be with someone who's as or more attractive than one self. And I'm starting to get depressed, because in this whole big town full of hot, built, nice college guys, all of them seem to be straight. I'm in a school that's probably really conservative (it's sort of in the middle of nowhere).
I have kept my feelers out but obviously no real-life opportunities have presented themselves. I've gone on craigslist, met a few guys, and all of the experiences have been train wrecks. I'm not going to go out with someone I'm not attracted to! I'm not looking and waiting for that PERFECT guy, and I'm not just looking for outer attractiveness. But trust me, nobody I've met has even been remotely attractive, let alone someone I would wanna be a bf with. Everyone I've talked to has been head over heals for me, but I wanna barf.
WTF do I do? I'm so frustrated. 22 and never even been close to anything. And everyone keeps saying "quit looking for it, it will come!" But obviously nothing's coming. What do I do? Any other good-looking muscular guys had the same problem? I don't mean to seem shallow, but I just wanna find a guy that makes ME nervous and excited and all those good things because I just wanna see him, ya know?
The bolded parts are the parts that tell me something about what your problem is.
For a start off, 22 is still very much at the beginning of your love life. I don't know how out you are or if you're out at all, but given that your college is conservative and in a remote area it's worth remembering that lots of gay guys don't come out until their mid twenties and in some cases considerably later, especially in conservative places far from the permissive major urban areas. All those masculine, hunky straight guys you've been ogling... without any shadow of a doubt, some of them are gay, but given their environment and probable background they've just not realised or come to terms with it yet.
No comfort to you that, or so you'd think anyway. But tbh at 22 it's hardly as if the sands of time are slipping away and you're running out of time is it? Don't be pressured by notions that you should have had a BF by now, or possibly lots of them. Things happen when they happen, some people go through dozens of relationships and start doing so early, some people start meeting people they're really compatible with slightly later in life. There's no "normal" love life progression which every person should expect to go through.
You mention being attracted to confidence (among other things) a lot. The truth is most 22 year olds (in general) aren't that confident, if you are that's great, but unfortunately most other guys in your age bracket probably aren't going to be at that stage in life yet, especially if they're from conservative backgrounds.
Now I have to address some of the stuff you're saying about looks. No, it doesn't make you shallow that you're looking for guys you're actually attracted to. Nor is it shallow or wrong to hold out for a relationship with someone you find physically attractive. That's all normal and fine.
Having said that, the list of positive attributes you give of yourself are essentially all about your looks. You tack confidence on at the end, but given that this is preceded by a list of physical attributes I can't help but wonder if your confidence is based on how you feel about your appearance. You're good looking, you've modelled, you work out all the time, you're muscular, you're masculine and it seems from what you're saying that these are why you're confident. Are you a nice person? Are you kind? Are you friendly? Are you open? Honest? Caring? Funny? Intelligent? Passionate? Interesting? Easy to get on with? etc. And if you are any and/or all of these things, why don't they figure in your list of positive attributes? If these kinds of things are the source of your confidence too why don't you mention them even once?
I ask because I have worked with a lot of extremely beautiful people through my involvement in the fashion industry over the years, and as an artist who specialises in capturing beauty in his work. I've known (and indeed now count some as friends) dozens of earth shatteringly gorgeous men and women who appear to be, and indeed seem to think themselves, extremely confident. But when I took the time to look closer at what the source of their "confidence" actually was I tended to find that their "confidence" was merely assurance that they thought they were hot and knew other people thought they were too. This self-assurance of one's hotness, is not the same thing as confidence. Nor is it always a very attractive quality.
Generally speaking these confident seeming, very physically attractive men and women tend to have something slightly off-putting about them which keeps others at a distance
and it's not other people being intimidated by their good looks. It's the fact that their self assurance, based on their appearance, comes across as inauthentic confidence, and always has a slightly insecure and grating edge to it. People can never quite put their finger on why they're not actually attracted to these perfect specimens, but it's because they're picking up on this undertone in their manner.
Now I may be way off, who knows you could be a truly confident person, and I'm sure you probably are a really nice, and really interesting guy (whether you're confidence comes from that or not). But I'm only going on what you've written and the way you've described yourself and your situation.
I certainly applaud you for going so far as to tell yourself that you're not just looking for someone who is as hot as you, though saying that you want to barf when people who aren't as hot as you are attracted to you slightly undermines that assertion and adds to my belief that far too much of who you are and the confidence you think you feel is based in how good looking you are.
If you're beginning to think that the reason you're not meeting anyone is because of how good looking you are then stop thinking that, like now if possible. That train of thought is both self-destructive, and liable to make you highly unattractive as a person.
Ask yourself some serious questions, what is the real source of the confidence you feel? How do you think you come off to other people? Do people think you're conceited about your looks? Are you presenting yourself as a whole human being or a particularly gorgeous physical specimen of one? How much would your confidence be undermined if all of a sudden you weren't as hot as you are right now? What kind of person are you looking for? What do you expect them to see when they see you?
Lastly, you're looking on Craigs list and at the gym, CL is for hookups period. If you want to meet guys who are as hot as you just to fuck then Grindr and hookup sites are one way to go, as is the gym, but if you're looking for a BF then you're looking in the wrong places. And that's where exploring other ways to find confidence in yourself can actually have a double benefit. If you decide to do something which helps you develop as a person, lets say volunteer work, or night classes in something which helps you develop your mind, or perhaps getting involved in politics or campaigning or advocacy or something (anything) like that, you are bound to meet someone who recognises you for more than just your looks who is someone who makes you feel excited and they may or may not be the physical type you thought you would be attracted to. But it's true, absolutely true, that love is the greatest aphrodisiac in the world.
But if you're looking for hot fuck buddies and hookups then be honest with yourself about that, because otherwise you'll make yourself really unhappy thinking that you're looking for a relationship which is emotionally satisfying when really what you're looking for is some seriously fine ass to fuck the night away with. And to be absolutely clear, if that's what you're looking for that is also 100% A OK, you're young, hot and horny, and have every right to want to meet other young, hot and horny guys to have sex with. But the criteria for what makes a hot fuck buddy isn't the same (or at least shouldn't be the same) as the criteria for a guy you actually want to have an emotionally fulfilling relationship with. Sure you need to be really physically attracted to your BF, but when you're out there looking for him, you're not going to find him by having a list of physical attributes followed by a list of other attributes he has to have in your head. You'll meet guys to have sex with that way, but not a BF. And tbh, physical attraction should compliment emotional and mental attraction, not the other way round. Be honest with yourself, and you'll make all of this easier, ask yourself whether what you're looking for is someone to love (
and have wild sex with), and not simply someone to have wild uncomplicated sex with. And be patient, 22 is decades away from being on the shelf, and deciding at 22 that "obviously nothing is coming" is waaaaaaay hasty.