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Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by Imported, Aug 10, 2005.
Abdul Al-Hammers: Do you know anyone with 3 balls?
Hitler had three balls. (We hit Godwin's Law pretty early in this thread!
ahhhh.... the urban legend is actually that Hitler had ONE ball.
from "The Straight Dope":
"Among conspiracy buffs, this is what is known as (ahem) the lone-nut theory. The case of Hitler's missing testicle is one of many bizarre twists in the life of one of history's most bizarre hombres. Originally sung by British Tommies during World War II to the tune of the "Colonel Bogey March":
Hitler has only got one ball,
Goering has two, but very small;
Himmler is very sim'lar,
And Goebbels has no balls at all.
It's customary, of course, for soldiers to impugn the sexual capacities of enemy leaders. But the troops may have had some reason to believe Hitler really was playing with a short set, so to speak. As a soldier in the German army during World War I, the future dictator was wounded in the Battle of the Somme in October, 1916. Sources differ on the precise location of the wound, but some say it was in the thigh or the groin. Conceivably some anonymous poet in the British Army heard this and used it as the basis for the abovementioned ode, although at this late date it's hard to say for sure.
At this point we have to delve into the mystery surrounding Hitler's demise. On May 1, 1945, German radio announced that Hitler had been killed fighting at the head of his troops. But the Russians captured the Fuehrer's bunker, and nobody in the West ever saw the body.
In 1968 a book was published that included the report of the autopsy performed on Hitler's body by Russian pathologists. This contained the startling news that Hitler's "left testicle could not be found either in the scrotum or on the spermatic cord inside the inguinal canal, or in the small pelvis. . . ."
This revelation struck many as suspicious. None of Hitler's doctors or attendants had ever mentioned anything about a missing testicle, and his medical records were silent on the subject. A woman who claimed to have been his lover said he was normally equipped. Moreover, the autopsy report said Hitler's body showed no external wounds, even though all the German witnesses mentioned a shot through the head.
Hitler's World War I company commander, however, offered some support for the Russian finding. He said he'd discovered Hitler's missing testicle as a result of a wartime VD exam.
Questions about the authenticity of the Russian autopsy records were more or less resolved in 1972. Dr. Reidar Sognnaes, a dental expert at the University of California at Los Angeles, compared the Russian data with previous X-rays of Hitler's skull and pronounced the former genuine. (Sognnaes used similar methods to confirm that a body dug up in Berlin was that of Hitler's secretary, Martin Bormann.) So I guess we have to conclude that in some departments, at least, Hitler really wasn't all there."
Condoleezza Rice, though, definitely has three balls.
And they are f'n enormous!
But of any practical use?
They play a tune when she pisses...
"Hail to the Chief"
I heard Cheney has two assholes.
Agh ... you're right, of course. I can't believe I slipped up there!
Years ago, I worked at a company where one of the founders was named Chuck. He liked to draw this diagram of the three main sectors of the business, as he saw it. The diagram became known as "Chuck's Three Balls," because of the particular tri-testicular way he drew it. It seemed rather fitting, as Chuck was prone to compensate for his insecurity about his small physical stature by this pretense of hypermasculinity.
But, on a more serious note, polyorchidism is a rare but real condition. You can see clinical ultrasound images, courtesy of GE Healthcare, here:
Gore Vidal's memoir, Palimpsest, reveals that his father, Eugene Vidale (one time head of the FAA), had three balls.
The sporting teams he belonged to in his youth would often win bar-room bets over which team had more balls. Count'em and weep.
A guy who has 3 balls walks into a bar he's never been to before and says loudly, "I'll bet $1000 with anybody here that between us, the bartender and I have 5 balls!'
The bartender motions the guy closer to the bar and whispers to him, "Fella, you'd better have 4 balls 'cause I only got one!"
The guy from Crash Test Dummies (of "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" fame) said on I Love the 90s that he had three testicles, and he attributes his deep voice to that.
Yes, and he was also a brown-eyed, black-haired, part-Jewish, satanical, circus-performing, bisexual, bipolar, drug-using, sadomasochistic, extraterrestrial, cave-dwelling, depressive, sociopathic, unintelligent, flying, purple people-eater.
...You left out carrot-loving.
I was especially amused by that.
Yup - I've got three balls. I was told that it's a benign cyst and not a true testicle, but I've been told it sure looks (and feels) like a third ball. Been to the doc about it for ultrasound checkup, and they tell me it's not a health risk, but haven't heard much more about it than that. I don't know if it produces anything, but I shoot a lot more than most guys, so... :+
Lets not forget Guys with HydroSeal Problems...
I have issues, where I have large masses on mine, if I dont J/O frequently.
I once was with a guy who had three balls, all tightly packed in his sack because they were all of even size, perhaps a hair above average. sure caught me off guard... had a nice 9.5x5.5uncut to top it all off... very impressive...
This post has got to down in LPSG fame. I've not laughed so hard in a long time.
Congrats, gang. I don't think we really welcomed our newcomer (or was that even the subject!!??)
I don't have anything to contribute after reading such eloquent bullshit.