New and Have a Problem.

[Max]

This is just about the most important topic on the whole board, IMHO. Nate's problem has affected a whole lot of us here in one way or another, although he has it in a more extreme form than some, partly because of his inexperience and his size.

It was the issue I had tremendous anxieties about as a young guy, and being in Nate's position was the nightmare I feared. There are other threads with a lot of helpful advice, and when I get a bit more time I will post the links. I take heart from the fact that it has only been a month .. but Nate, you need to get going ....

As I'm of an analytical turn of mind I tend to work by splitting the problem up into its component parts:

1. You have the physical difficulties: (a) of your extreme length, and (b) the large girth ... here I think the size taper and shape of the corona will be very important.

2. You have the psychological factor which will get stronger and stronger if you don't, together, deal with this. Not only fear of pain and size, but also getting set into the situation.

These two (three) need to be kept separate. 1 (a) for instance is a problem with an easy answer ... she hasn't got to take it all.

Now, a few suggestions. You could use, very gently, various "toys", in place of your penis to begin with, lots of cuddles, lube and foreplay etc etc, but removing the "threat" of your size. And maybe you could use larger ones after a while. When the moment comes to begin insertion of your glans, which might be weeks down the line, just begin ever so gently with just the tip.

There's no way she can begin to accept any length beyond the head for a good while. When she is accustomed to your girth, and only then, can you very gradually add length. She needs to know that you will not (ever?) expect her to take you all. It's unlikely that she will.

I think you might need to seek some medical help, but IMHO it would be good to talk about these issues together, and begin something along the lines I have suggested without delay.

Just one positive thing to add. If you are like me you will find this lengthy process of adjustment one of the sexiest times in your life. I still look back on it with fond memories .. though it is a long time ago now

Good luck!

 

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NateWA: I had a really encouraging talk with her just about an hour ago. I had her browse this thread and a couple others and she says she is willing to try some of the things you guys and gals have suggested.

Going to gradually move up, baby steps you know. From fingers, toys, eventually real penetration. She's a sweetheart and kind of felt silly for being so extremely worried about "accomodations". Thanks on behalf of both of us. I will do my best to keep you all posted. (But dont expect any juicy details, sorry folks.)

Goodnight.

 

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Javierdude22: Glad to hear that man, you guys will definately work it out with a little patience and a lotta love.

(Anduh, just wanted to say that i'm totally diggin some of the responses, sometimes the 'S' in LPSG is printed in Bold, great you guys)

On the other hand, i think some people should lay it low with the graphics and the -not-leaving-anything-to-the-imagination choice of words. We will get the idea anyway.

 

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jackinman: I must say folks I'm a little touched by most of the positive responses you gave this kid. Nate came to us with his very first post and a big problem, and within less than 24 hours you guys and gals stepped up to the plate and helped him. What's even more fantastic is that it seems to be helping. It's post like this that makes me very proud be to be part of this group. Like Javier said, you guys and gals truly great. Give yourselves a big round of applause. Great job.

Nate, I really don't have much to add, just that I'm also glad that it's working out for you. Great to hear that she at least browsed this thread and she is willing to try some of the things suggested. Best of luck to both of you.

 

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bklynbigballs: Some women are "built short." In spite of all this talk of footballs in women's vaginas and so forth, there are relatively common physical complications -- not just psychosomatic tension -- that can make sexual intercourse difficult or impossible.

However, I am a bit concerned that this woman -- who you say is a virgin -- hasn't actually tried to have sex with you and learned that she is unable to receive your penis. She has judged any future sexual intercourse with you as impossible without any evidence supporting this theory. I don't want to sound like a neanderthal, but this woman sounds to me like she might have a sexual hang up that she doesn't want to deal with. Instead of owning up to it and working it out, she says "oh, your penis is too large" and that's that.

Now don't get me wrong. If this woman doesn't want to have sex with you, that is her right -- for whatever reason. However, if she is not being honest with you about her reasons for abstaining, she is doing a huge disservice to your relationship.

 

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FrenchOnion: My comment was this: the two of you aren't bloody married until consumation. One would think that this would at least make her consider it. Besides this, a marriage can be dissolved if one mate denies the other mate intercourse. As has been previously mentioned, she is irrational. By saying "Tell the dodo to knock it off" I am, of course, refering to her irrationality. She is letting her "marriage" hang precariously over irrationality and prejudism. I again say, however unkindly, she may wish to have sex with you; it is rather important. There isn't reason not to.
Not to serve an ultimatum but reason.

 

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Javierdude22: [quote author=FrenchOnion link=board=meetgreet;num=1060641477;start=20#25 date=08/12/03 at 08:58:36]My comment was this:  the two of you aren't bloody married until consumation.  One would think that this would at least make her consider it.  Besides this, a marriage can be dissolved if one mate denies the other mate intercourse.  As has been previously mentioned, she is irrational.  By saying "Tell the dodo to knock it off" I am, of course, refering to her irrationality.  She is letting her "marriage" hang precariously over irrationality and prejudism.  I again say, however unkindly, she may wish to have sex with you; it is rather important.  There isn't reason not to.  
Not to serve an ultimatum but reason. [/quote]


Maybe i am wrong, or i have missed something, but i never heard of sex being one of the marriage vows. Thou shalt have sex together? Does it state a minimum per week? And would oral count? I am sorry French, but i don't think it works like that.

The reason is this case, for her, is that she was scared. The first reaction to anything anyone is scared of is: i dont wanna go there, or 'get rid of it'. After some talking, comforting, and upeasing someone, it will eventually work, as it already seems to .

 

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AnonyMs: ..

 

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Donk: [quote author=Javierdude23 link=board=meetgreet;num=1060641477;start=20#26 date=08/12/03 at 09:42:52]
Maybe i am wrong, or i have missed something, but i never heard of sex being one of the marriage vows. Thou shalt have sex together? Does it state a minimum per week? And would oral count? I am sorry French, but i don't think it works like that. [/quote]

Well, you have missed that in the law (and, I believe, in church doctrines) failure or refusal to consumate the marriage through intercourse has always been considered grounds for anullment, which is a declaration that the marriage never occurred.

That being said, two newlyweds who married for the right reasons (i.e., for more than just having sex together) should be encouraged to work through this problem rather than to call it quits.

 

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FrenchOnion: Thank you Donk.

My intent was to help Nate WA. I tried to do so by noting three things. One, once in British law, consummation was a sine qua non of marriage. Two, once in U.S.A. law, consummation was a sine qua non of marriage. Three, failure to have intercourse with one's marriage mate at the insistance of the other mate has been grounds for divorce for millennia.

These were facts I layed at Nate WA's disposal, for him to use as he pleases.

AnonyMs: "But please! respect that the two have taken marriage vows and that is something not taken lightly." This seems to me to be a contradiction of what I said. By the way, marriage is legal. Whether or not it is also a social contract is irrelevant. Marriage is a legal union with laws pertaining to it.

 

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robbnks: As a psychotherapist, I will offer the following: Find a way to discuss this openly with her. Discuss your feelings, frustrations, concerns, and be there to listen to hers. If communication doesnt go as well as you'd like, you might consider seeing a LMFT Licensed Marriage and Family therapist to discuss her fears of being hurt using a therapist to facilitate discussion and provide mediation in the event that the conversation becomes one-sided. Good luck. Grant