These may be old, but they turned up in my Inbox... NEW DRUGS D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. ST. PAPA'S W O R T Plant extract that treats Daddy's depression by rendering partners unconscious for up to two days. P E P T O B I M B O Liquid steroid drink for single men. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases cock size and body muscle mass, decreases intelligence, and prevents sexually transmitted disease. D U M B E R O L When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks. F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. M E N I C I L L I N Potent anti-twink-otic for older men. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person and go to college. Can we get naked now?" BUYAGRA Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree. J A C K A S S P I R I N Relieves headache caused by a partner who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or name. A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T A spray carried in your wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators and, of course, your favorite cruise bar. N A G A M E N T When administered to a boyfriend or partner, provides the same irritation level as bitching at him.