New Guy at Work Is Preoccupied with My Penis

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Fire Stick, Aug 11, 2007.

  1. Fire Stick

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    I am the manager of an office of about 20 people, and about six weeks ago, I hired a couple of new employees. One of them is a guy in his mid to late 20s. Several times, I have caught him checking me out – discretely, but I am sure that I am not imagining it. I think his interest may be partly fueled by the possibility that he has heard office gossip that I am reputably well-hung, something I understand was shared with my co-workers some years ago by another guy who used to work in the office and who saw me naked in a gym locker room during a business trip. Now I am noticing that whenever I go to the men’s room, my new employee frequently appears and uses the neighboring urinal. A large panel separates the urinals, and – again, although he attempts to be discrete – I can see that he wants to look over the top but that he is not tall enough. For the record, I am unaware of his sexual orientation. He is single and nice-looking enough, and to my knowledge, he has never mentioned a girlfriend to anyone, but at his age, that is not a sure indicator. Based on his behavior, one might suppose that he at least has gay leanings, but perhaps he is merely curious. Let me make it very clear that I have absolutely no intention of becoming sexually involved with someone who works for me. However, I do find myself wondering whether I should stand back from the urinal before I tuck my boys back into my pants so that he can have a look. This might satisfy his curiosity and end his preoccupation with my goods. However, conceivably, it might make him worse. I wonder if anyone has any advice to share or if someone has experienced a similar situation.
     
  2. ScottishLad

    ScottishLad Active Member

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    He obviously wants to see it; it sounds like the sort of thing I would do! Put him out of his misery and show him your big cock!
     
  3. bearman66

    bearman66 Member

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    Not being involved with a subordinate is commendable and generally part of a company's ethics and rules for employees, plus it's good sense to avoid romantic and sexual relationships with any co-workers. I don't reccommend allowing yourself to be accidently seen in an age where your behavior could be construed as sexual harrassment. For all you know he's a "corporate spy" looking for someone engaging in some type of office harrassment, though a company that goes this route is likely not to be a good company to work for.
    The rumors sometime end up twisted and may have reached a higher level whether there is a lot of "good ole boy" conservatism that has a great deal of homophobia, possible, since your profile says you're in the South Central USA.

    For now, take it as a compliment, and assume that whether he's gay or straight, he's likely to have heard office gossip already and curiosity is getting the best of him. You could be reading him wrong, but I don't think so from what you've said, just be cautious. Even if he's gay and attracted he may not be comfortable with the idea of any sexual activity either.
     
  4. B_RoysToy

    B_RoysToy New Member

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    From what you've told us, Fire Stick, you have every reason to question your new employee's curiosity. Since there is no way any kind of sexual overtures would be permitted, I think you should not even consider stepping back before putting away your 'stuff' at the urinal. If you're right in having noticed unusual movements on his part, letting him see what you're equipped with would only highten that curiosity and give him the idea that you might entertain a bit of, errrrr, fooling around.

    Be just as professional in the rest room as elsewhere and if he gets too blatant with his aggressiveness have a talk with him, putting a stop to any of his ideas. It's not good that you have no way of checking on the guy's background re. his sexual orientation and previous activities. My advice is based on the belief that you have no interest whatsoever in him in that manner and desire an immediate ceasing of his overt interests.
     
  5. Cale2

    Cale2 New Member

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    This almost sounds like sexual harassment, especially since you sound a little unnerved by it. Maybe you could use his behavior against him if he ever pisses you off for some reason.
     
  6. arliss

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    of course you are ...this stands to reason....he has done nothing to arouse your suspicions..he is in classic LPSG terminology 100 % straight...and naturally this is something straight men do...they run to the urinals and check each other out...to substantiate office gossip
     
  7. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    My first thought is that he might take it as a come on.

    Is it obvious from your observable bulge that you're hung Fire? Maybe it's not the gossip, just observation!

    BTW, your bod is beautiful. Maybe the best I've seen on this site.
     
  8. bigtwin

    bigtwin Member

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    Firestick, I had a very similar experience, in fact, it was almost exactly as you described. This guy would have the tendency to look at my crotch while talking to me. Especially if we were seated and facing one another. We do 3 and 6 month reviews for all new hires. I used the occassion of his 6 month review to comment on his "lack" of eye contact in one on one situations. I never said where he was looking but I could tell he got the drift. I told him it made folks uncomfortable when people didn't look at them when speaking. I also told him that I'd asked others (I did not) and that it seemed I might be the only one having this issue. Things got much better after that.
     
  9. yhtang

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    That's a very diplomatic move you made.
     
  10. B_cyrus

    B_cyrus New Member

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    Make him blow you in your office. Fuck him for good measure. Continue this until it becomes a problem, in which case send his ass packing.
     
  11. catman

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    if he follows you into the restroom, have you considered using the stall? It might 'show' him that you are aware of his 'leanings' and give him a hint (esp when he realizes you went in there to PEE and not...do other things)...
     
  12. DC_DEEP

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    As much as you are able, you should ignore his behavior.

    If he follows you into the restroom again, (assuming you don't have to stop mid-stream!) simply walk out again, wait until he leaves, then go back to finish your business.

    After a couple of times, he'll get the message that it's inappropriate office behavior. If he's really trying that hard to get a look, it will become obvious. Or, put more simply: if you leave the restroom when he walks in, and then go back 2 minutes later, he will either follow you back in, or he won't. That should tell you everything you need to know.
     
  13. Sklar

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    DC, I'll have to respectfully disagree with you on this one.

    This guys behavior, while probably just nothing more curiosity gone wild, is totally unacceptable. The OP is being harrassed. Plain and simple. Ignoring this idiots behavior is not an option.

    This guy needs to be confronted, in a non-threatening way, and told in no uncertain terms to back off and to document this, too.

    If that doesn't work, the guy needs to be fired. He's turned himself from an employee to a potential liability.

    Sklar
     
  14. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    I have to say looking at your pics that I can't really blame him.
     
  15. DC_DEEP

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    Annoying and inappropriate, perhaps, but not harrassment by most legal definitions. There may also be some misunderstanding involved, too. In the OP, the sentence " I have caught him checking me out – discretely, but I am sure that I am not imagining it" is important. Looking at someone is not a crime.

    I stand by my suggestion that he at least test it, to see if there may be some mistake.

    Yes, then if it is blatant (such as following him back in 2 minutes later) then the employee should be counseled.
     
  16. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    Do get over your litigious self! -- it's only a problem to the degree that the subject of this guy's curiosity thinks its a problem -- if it's being done to others beyond this one supervisor, then you are correct about a potential liability problem, but there have been NO complaints from others about this guy's behavior.

    What is it these days with people and their screaming HARRASSMENT at everything!? Are you one of those anal-retentive, uptight, prissy, self-righteous-type homosexuals who is just waiting for someone or something to offend you? If so, let me tell you, this is not behavior that is becoming of a member of a minority (I am gay, but I try to live as though I don't have a stick up my ass, and I do just fine)
     
  17. gjorg

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    Let him knock himself out!!! Just keep being professional. I can see why hes trying. Do your office mates know that your basically Homo?
     
  18. Fire Stick

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    I appreciate everyone’s thoughts thus far (and find humor in the more light hearted responses) but perhaps I should interject some additional and hopefully clarifying information. I do not believe that I am being sexually harassed. Even if I did feel that way, as a practical matter, the situation would have to become far worse before I would put either of us through a direct confrontation on the subject. Allegations of that kind are typically highly disruptive to the office, difficult to prove, and often very damaging to the individuals. He is a likable guy, and other than that he seems to haven taken a shine to me, his office demeanor in all other aspects is professional and even a little reserved. At this point, I am not inclined to want to embarrass him; I just think he needs to get a better grip. In answer to gjorg's question, I am not officially “out” in the workplace, but I am confident that it is commonly known that I am gay. I suspect someone has mentioned it to him.
     
  19. Detroit Rick

    Detroit Rick Member

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    Anyone here ever watch "rescue Me" with Dennis Leary? He is a fireman
    and the new boss is supposed to be quite hung. It becomes his job to verify that the new boss is packin' (of course he plays a "straight" guy).
     
  20. Sklar

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    Wow, talk about reading way too much in what I said.

    Never once did I say the OP should sue, all I said was that this new guy is a potential liability. Hence, why I said the guy should be confronted in a non-threatening way i.e. employee review so it can be documented.

    I never said he was being sexually harrassed, just harrassed. Never did I tell him to make a complaint about it, just counsel the guy. Unwanted attention is harrassment. What each individual does to correct the situation is up to them. But in a work environment, such behavior is not professionable and should not be acceptable.

    What I find most amusing about your post, Beeflover69, is that the OP asked others what advice they would share or if it has happened to them, both of which has happened to me. Yet you choose to go on the attack when someone offers advice, because the advice offends you.

    Before you go lableing others: Are you one of those anal-retentive, uptight, prissy, self-righteous-type homosexuals who is just waiting for someone or something to offend you? You might want to look in a mirror and try to figure out what it is in you that makes you jump to that kind of conclusion about someone you have never even met.

    Thanks,

    Sklar
     
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