New Guy at Work Is Preoccupied with My Penis

[DC_DEEP]

I appreciate everyone’s thoughts thus far (and find humor in the more light hearted responses) but perhaps I should interject some additional and hopefully clarifying information. I do not believe that I am being sexually harassed. Even if I did feel that way, as a practical matter, the situation would have to become far worse before I would put either of us through a direct confrontation on the subject. Allegations of that kind are typically highly disruptive to the office, difficult to prove, and often very damaging to the individuals. He is a likable guy, and other than that he seems to haven taken a shine to me, his office demeanor in all other aspects is professional and even a little reserved. At this point, I am not inclined to want to embarrass him; I just think he needs to get a better grip. In answer to gjorg's question, I am not officially “out” in the workplace, but I am confident that it is commonly known that I am gay. I suspect someone has mentioned it to him.

I figured out most of that, just from your original post. That's one reason I suggested that you see if he "gets the hint" if you walk out of the restroom as soon as he enters, then you go back in after he leaves. That would make things a little more clear, and also give you an opportunity to discreetly tell him "that's not really appropriate, and it's uncomfortable."

 

[B_RedDude]

I appreciate everyone’s thoughts thus far (and find humor in the more light hearted responses) but perhaps I should interject some additional and hopefully clarifying information. I do not believe that I am being sexually harassed. Even if I did feel that way, as a practical matter, the situation would have to become far worse before I would put either of us through a direct confrontation on the subject. Allegations of that kind are typically highly disruptive to the office, difficult to prove, and often very damaging to the individuals. He is a likable guy, and other than that he seems to haven taken a shine to me, his office demeanor in all other aspects is professional and even a little reserved. At this point, I am not inclined to want to embarrass him; I just think he needs to get a better grip. In answer to gjorg's question, I am not officially “out” in the workplace, but I am confident that it is commonly known that I am gay. I suspect someone has mentioned it to him.

Fire Stick, is this a younger guy, who perhaps is gay, and just doesn't have a lot of experience dealing with sexual orientation issues in a professional environment, i.e. the degree to which one wishes to be "out", or not, in the workplace?

What prompts me to ask this is that you mentioned that he is even somewhat reserved around others, which is very different from the other behavior that you have described in regard to his curiosity about your endowment. The polarity in these behaviors seems perhaps to indicate some kind of unresolved conflict.

 

[B_RedDude]

Wow, talk about reading way too much in what I said.

Never once did I say the OP should sue, all I said was that this new guy is a potential liability. Hence, why I said the guy should be confronted in a non-threatening way i.e. employee review so it can be documented.

I never said he was being sexually harrassed, just harrassed. Never did I tell him to make a complaint about it, just counsel the guy. Unwanted attention is harrassment. What each individual does to correct the situation is up to them. But in a work environment, such behavior is not professionable and should not be acceptable.

What I find most amusing about your post, Beeflover69, is that the OP asked others what advice they would share or if it has happened to them, both of which has happened to me. Yet you choose to go on the attack when someone offers advice, because the advice offends you.

Before you go lableing others: Are you one of those anal-retentive, uptight, prissy, self-righteous-type homosexuals who is just waiting for someone or something to offend you? You might want to look in a mirror and try to figure out what it is in you that makes you jump to that kind of conclusion about someone you have never even met.

Thanks,

Sklar

I was not speaking of "litigious" in the strict sense of a lawsuit or other procedural action, but in the general sense of always being censoriously ready to pounce with an appeal to "the law". (And your post seemed to implicitly, if not explicity, be an accusation of "sexual" harrasment.

And for the record, I quite honestly despise the type of gay personality that I asked you if you had in my response to your post (and it was a question, not a "conclusion"). I find such a personality highly maladapted, socially repugnant, and stupid, and it has always highly embarrassed me as a gay man for another gay man to act in this way. And if you were to ask anyone I know, they would quite honestly tell you that I am not like that personality at all.

It was the SHRILL and RIGID ATTITUDE in your post that caused me to ask you the question about your personality. Do reread your post, and consider whether it does seem rather stronger than what you subsequently have said that you were trying to convey.

There is subjectivity in general concepts of harrassment (I am not including legal defintions), and I repeat, it is my view that if it's not harrassment to the object of attention, or so open as to actually offend others, then it is not truly harrassment in the general sense.

Incidentally, I remember my harrassment training at a former job, and it was ABSURD!

In any case, perhaps you will find my response (#7) to the OP more reasonable.

 

[B_RedDude]

What I find most amusing about your post, Beeflover69, is that the OP asked others what advice they would share or if it has happened to them, both of which has happened to me. Yet you choose to go on the attack when someone offers advice, because the advice offends you.

Before you go lableing others [following quote is of beeflover69's question in response to Sklar's original post: " 'Are you one of those anal-retentive, uptight, prissy, self-righteous-type homosexuals who is just waiting for someone or something to offend you?' "] You might want to look in a mirror and try to figure out what it is in you that makes you jump to that kind of conclusion about someone you have never even met.

Thanks,

Sklar

Dude, I just noticed, even your post tag line shows punitive tendencies!:

"Private messages are greatly appreciated but be warned: If you say anything offensive in them, I'll start a new thread and post it there for all to see."

 

[Sklar]

Dude, I just noticed, even your post tag line shows punitive tendencies!:

"Private messages are greatly appreciated but be warned: If you say anything offensive in them, I'll start a new thread and post it there for all to see."

Wow, Captain Obvious strikes again!

For someone who hates, and again I'm going to quote your own words,:

'Are you one of those anal-retentive, uptight, prissy, self-righteous-type homosexuals who is just waiting for someone or something to offend you?'

You seem to have no problem in using that same behaviour yourself.

1) That has been my tag line for months now. I changed it to it's current incarnation because at that time people were recieving obnoxious PM's from trolls. I like being proactive. I have a few people who PM me so I'm not going to turn PM's off. I do get offeneded when I get PM's along the lines of: "How big are you?" "You can bottom out in me anytime." So to keep down unwanted PM's, I incorporated that and haven't had a problem since then. So, for stating the obvious, I'm tagging you with anal-retentivness.

2) Why on Earth are you shouting? And shouting until you are blue in the face? Why use Verdana 7 point with blue font? Are you incapable of chatting in a normal font? Talk about being uptight and prissy and waiting for something to offend you!

3) This entire last post of yours does make you self-rightous. You seem to think I am being hypocritical, which I'm not and that you are somehow the wounded party, which you are not. You're the one who took offense to my advice to the OP and again, read way too much into it. Never once did I mention sexual harassment. Never once did I say he should sue. You somehow got that into your brain.

So, again, I'll ask you to look in a mirror and to take a good, long look at yourself to see that the behaviour you find so offensive in others is what you are actually doing right now

4) I'd like to apologize to the OP. It was never my attention to hijack your thread. I felt the need to defend myself. I hope things have worked out for your situation.

 

[B_RedDude]

Wow, Captain Obvious strikes again!


3) This entire last post of yours does make you self-rightous. You seem to think I am being hypocritical, which I'm not and that you are somehow the wounded party, which you are not. You're the one who took offense to my advice to the OP and again, read way too much into it. Never once did I mention sexual harassment. Never once did I say he should sue. You somehow got that into your brain.

So, again, I'll ask you to look in a mirror and to take a good, long look at yourself to see that the behaviour you find so offensive in others is what you are actually doing right now

Some people are too thick to ever get it.

 

[jeff black]

If that doesn't work, the guy needs to be fired. He's turned himself from an employee to a potential liability.

Sklar

MY only problem with this idea, is this. What if the employee isn't really looking? I know, I am trying to give the employee the benifit of the doubt, but could this be coincidence?

Even if it is not, and the guy is looking, should firestick go out of his way to confront this guy and risk office problems? I ask because if this guy isn't looking ( or even if he is) it could cause tension within the office. Maybe the best thing to do would be to doccument it, as recommended by another of the posters. Should it continue, or some sort of proof occurs, well... then take the appropriate measures.

 

[Industrialsize]

I am the manager of an office of about 20 people, and about six weeks ago, I hired a couple of new employees. One of them is a guy in his mid to late 20s. Several times, I have caught him checking me out – discretely, but I am sure that I am not imagining it. I think his interest may be partly fueled by the possibility that he has heard office gossip that I am reputably well-hung, something I understand was shared with my co-workers some years ago by another guy who used to work in the office and who saw me naked in a gym locker room during a business trip. Now I am noticing that whenever I go to the men’s room, my new employee frequently appears and uses the neighboring urinal. A large panel separates the urinals, and – again, although he attempts to be discrete – I can see that he wants to look over the top but that he is not tall enough. For the record, I am unaware of his sexual orientation. He is single and nice-looking enough, and to my knowledge, he has never mentioned a girlfriend to anyone, but at his age, that is not a sure indicator. Based on his behavior, one might suppose that he at least has gay leanings, but perhaps he is merely curious. Let me make it very clear that I have absolutely no intention of becoming sexually involved with someone who works for me. However, I do find myself wondering whether I should stand back from the urinal before I tuck my boys back into my pants so that he can have a look. This might satisfy his curiosity and end his preoccupation with my goods. However, conceivably, it might make him worse. I wonder if anyone has any advice to share or if someone has experienced a similar situation.

I'm Preoccupied with your Penis, I hope you don't mind:wink:

 

[DC_DEEP]

MY only problem with this idea, is this. What if the employee isn't really looking? I know, I am trying to give the employee the benifit of the doubt, but could this be coincidence?

Even if it is not, and the guy is looking, should firestick go out of his way to confront this guy and risk office problems? I ask because if this guy isn't looking ( or even if he is) it could cause tension within the office. Maybe the best thing to do would be to doccument it, as recommended by another of the posters. Should it continue, or some sort of proof occurs, well... then take the appropriate measures.

Jeff, this is exactly why I suggested not immediately jumping to any conclusions. Body language can be misinterpreted.

 

[jeff black]

Jeff, this is exactly why I suggested not immediately jumping to any conclusions. Body language can be misinterpreted.

Oh, I know. I'm in complete agreeance. Nothing worse than making an accusasion without the facts.

 

[Fire Agate]

maybe the next time your in the bathroom and he walks in you accidently turn around with a boner?:wink:

see what happens

 

[B_RedDude]

Fire Stick, any updates on this situation?

I appreciate everyone’s thoughts thus far (and find humor in the more light hearted responses) but perhaps I should interject some additional and hopefully clarifying information. I do not believe that I am being sexually harassed. Even if I did feel that way, as a practical matter, the situation would have to become far worse before I would put either of us through a direct confrontation on the subject. Allegations of that kind are typically highly disruptive to the office, difficult to prove, and often very damaging to the individuals. He is a likable guy, and other than that he seems to haven taken a shine to me, his office demeanor in all other aspects is professional and even a little reserved. At this point, I am not inclined to want to embarrass him; I just think he needs to get a better grip. In answer to gjorg's question, I am not officially “out” in the workplace, but I am confident that it is commonly known that I am gay. I suspect someone has mentioned it to him.

 

[Fire Stick]

Not really. His behavior is the same, and I am continuing pretending to be oblivious. I am thinking that, at some point in time, he will move on to other interests.