First, I have to say, I love this place! It's not often that I find a forum that I register at within the first ten minutes of learning of its existence. Yet, here I am! This will come off strange but stranger threads have happened, I'm sure! I'm bi, total 50/50. Some once asked me to picture myself laying next to the most beautiful and sexy woman I can think of on one side, and the most sexiest man I can think of on the other side. "Which one would you want to have first?" he asked. I was perplexed. And that is when I realized that I wasn't gay, I was bi in the truest fashion. When I'm with a man, I am a total bottom. When with a woman, I am agressive and the thought of men doesn't really turn me on. I've learned to 'figure' out my sexuality, just recently in fact. But in my more recent years of being with men, I've become much more aware of what I want in a man and what works for me in the sense of arousal. This is what confuses me now! I can't figure out my fascination with large endowed men. I have a hard time having intercourse with men with big cocks. But strangley, my best experience was with a man, much my senior with a really big and thick one. I thought it would hurt, and so did he. But thinking back, it was wonderful and I long to feel that sensation again. There's something about the thought of a big cock that really makes me horny. Even though it's not been feeling all that great inside me. The pleasure of knowing how large it is feels outweighs the pain of the cock it self. It's a strange feeling! When I say pain, I'm not talking tearing or anything like that, just 'basic' stretching pain. In the last two years, I've become absolutely obsessed with black men, big cocked or little! At first I thought it was just my reaction to the numerous sites and threads dedicated to interracial sex, including all the Craig's List dudes showing their desperate attempts seeing "black cock". Then I realized that that wasn't it. I was (and still am) aroused to no end end by the thought of being with a black man. The contrast in skin tones just takes me over the edge each time. This is not to say that I am exclusive to black men.... if that were the case, I'd never get dick! But there's something delightfully intoxicating about a naked black man that's about to use your body for his pleasure. It makes me weak in the knees and more willing to do things I normally wouldn't do. There's plenty of things that I enjoy thinking about doing sexually. But sadly, I realize that many of them simply will not happen. Either it's too risky from a health perspective or it's just too hard to actualize. I have some really perverted thoughts in my head... ALL THE TIME. At the risk of being harshly judged, I'll share some of those thoughts. I often fanstasize about being the center of a gangbang. Though I'd never bareback, the thought of several guys cuming in me is immensely hot! I am one of those that thinks cum oozing out of your hole and down the thigh after being fucked is awesome! For some reason, I always think of being stripped of my control by way of being somewhere I can't escape.... on a boat for example. As I'm on this large boat in the middle of the sea, I would be used by every man aboard. I've learned that my pleasure comes from pleasing... Even when I cum, I don't get the same level of satsifaction I get when a guy is cuming from my efforts. Then, there is the big cock question! I, for the life of me can't figure out why I have these feelings. As I said, it's not that I'm a sizequeen or anything like that. I truley am at my arousal peak when I'm in the bedroom with a nice guy and his big cock. The last guy I was with, about 2 years ago is a black man, and very well endowed. I was fine getting it in but he was a pounder, which doesn't take very well on my butt. But even though it felt less than stellar, the feel of holding his fat cock while he came in my mouth made it all worth it. Crazy, I know! I'm not really here to hook up (although it's not entirely out of the question should it happen), I'm really looking for answers to my bewilderment. Hopefully, you can help me figure it out. Thanks for sticking through my 1st post!