I'd like to introduce myself to everyone, My handle is Ithurtssogood, (likely story, Uh?) Anyway, it sounded good to me. I'm looking for advice with difficulties I have now in my life. I'm a mess. I've been gay (where I thought about men and had sex) since 12. I don't have much of a problem being gay, I don't think, except finding someone who can see past all my faults, (some like to call it luggage) and insecurities. My life hasn't been easy, and I'm sure I'm not the first sad story you've heard. But as it is stands now, I had a heart attack and a emergency double by-pass surgery in 2001, since then I've had 2 stints inserted. I'm on 27 different medications for Anxiety, Bi-Polar, Depression, Heart meds., Blood pressure, water pills, sleeping pills, muscle relaxants for Cervical and Spinal Stenosis, you name it, I've either been on it or am now. This stuff just adds to my other problems of being Shy, Insecure and a introvert. I can go into a gay bar, sit down, order a cocktail (When I used to drink, don't now) and not one person would say anything other than the Bartender for as much as 3 hours being there. I know I have to make a advance, and when I do, it's like oh, Hi, how are you? And then they go back to talking. I have no current event issue I wish to talk about, no knowledge of who's doing who, nor who just got busted for drunk driving. What do I say? My insecurities I think have been etched in stone. I lost my mother at 7 to cancer, my father remarried the same year and pretty much never saw him, he worked to pay off my mothers medical expenses. My Step-mom came with 4 of her own kids, there were 3 of us already, then my Half-Bro was born 6 months after they wed. Um, right, I know! So she resented me and my brother and sister, cause one by one her kids choose to move back with their father. So that's a peek into where it all began, then a family business, grandparent issues. The works. I just glad Im not in a mental institution. I also would like to ask if anyone has remedies to non-erection due to meds. I've already tried shots, worked about 2 weeks. Pills are out of the question because of blood pressure and heart medication. What about pumping? Will that work, and if so, what are the instructions? I will not kid you, my penis has inverted itself. I have to push and squeeze to get it to pop out just to piss. I kid a friend of mine, I tell him I'm only looking for a boyfriend just so he can blow up my butt, to pop it out. lol I know this is a lot of info real quick like, but I need someone to understand my issues before they can offer a cure. Kinda like knowing what kind of baking flower your going to use before you bake a cake. That is a bad analogy, but you get my drift. HELP ME PLEASE! Thanks.