New relationship advice.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by HeBop, Oct 5, 2010.

  1. HeBop

    HeBop New Member

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    About a week ago a female friend of mine sent me a text saying she had a cute boy she wanted me to meet. I told her to feel free to give him my phone number. Later that night he gave me a call and we had a nice conversion. We have been texting and talked a few times on the phone.

    Things are a bit complicated for me right now as I have been dealing with my dieing mother who passed yesterday. So I have been a bit hesitant to talk or chat the last couple of days. He has been fine with that and understands

    My real concern here is I am 38 years old and never been in a serious relationship (Not that I haven't wanted to) I always fall for the wrong guys. He seems nice and I find him attractive. I just think he may want to take things a bit faster than I am ready for. He left me a voice mail the other night when I was out with friends and in it he said I love you. That scares me as we have never really spent any time together. We met once about 8 years ago and like I said we've been texting for about a week.

    My other concern is how do we even know if we are sexually compatible. I've never really had to have that conversation with a guy before. I am a total bottom (actually I don't even like anal sex that much at all I much prefer oral sex) and don't know where he stands. How do you deal with this? I don't want to pursue a relationship if we are not gonna be compatible sexually.
     
  2. ericbythebay

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    You have a lot on your plate right now and the grieving process will take time. If you want a serious relationship, I'd take it slow. The sex will work itself out, I wouldn't even worry about it at this point.
     
  3. helgaleena

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    It's a bit too soon for I love you unless he means in a brotherly way. If you have shared your loss with him, try letting him give you some comfort in person, like going out to meet at a restaurant or coffee shop. Keep things public if you are worried he might want to go 'too far' right away. But don't shut out well-meaning people when you are grieving. Be gentle with yourself and also accept what is sincerely given.

    Relationship is too strong a word to use now. Friendship is what will help your heart. If it becomes more, that is for later.
     
  4. irox19

    irox19 New Member

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    I'm sorry about your mom. Hope you are taking care of yourself the next few days.
     
  5. erratic

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    My condolences. Your mother died yesterday? Rule of thumb: Don't do anything drastic over the next two weeks. Even if you think your head is all sorted out, it probably isn't. Be kind to you and give yourself some time.
     
  6. HeBop

    HeBop New Member

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    Thanks for the advice guys.
     
  7. Chase1600

    Chase1600 Member

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    HeBob, so sorry to read about your mom, of course you want to take some time.

    Context has different meaning to different people and sometimes text messages, being brief, are all context. Could it be he said he loved you in the context of what has happened – something like “I love you man.”

    If the two of you haven’t met, even if you are infatuating on the phone, even if your mutual friend has shown him pictures of you, he can’t really be in love with you. When we fall in love it may come on quickly and we might fall for someone we’ve know only a few weeks, but it takes something more than some recent phone chat.

    I have, however, become infatuated at first glance with someone whom I grew to love and with whom I spent an important part of my life.

    As to your other questions, this is a tough time for you to be seeking those answers. I don’t think I ever needed answers to those questions. Nature took care of it. I meet a guy; I’m crazy for him; what I do and what he does are what we want to do and because I’m doing it with him, it’s terrific.

    If I don’t want to do anything intimate with someone, the sexually compatible issue is irrelevant. If I’m responding to them and there is a particular behavior they want to do which has been beyond my experience, I may be en-route to getting my horizons moved.
     
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