New stock market terms

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by BUSTERHYMAN, Mar 12, 2011.

  1. BUSTERHYMAN

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    NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

    CEO
    - Chief Embezzlement Officer

    CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer

    BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

    BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

    VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.

    P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

    BROKER - What my financial planner has made me.

    STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.

    STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

    STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

    MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.

    CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

    YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

    WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought the Yahoo at $240 per share.

    INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

    PROFIT - an archaic word no longer in use.

    LIQUIDITY - When you look at your investments and wet your pants.


    # # # # # # # #


    If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.

    If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today (even less now.)

    If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.

    But---if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for a recycling refund--you will have received $214.00

    Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.

    It's called the 401-Keg.

    I am sorry if i offend anyone with my joke or any misspelled words .?


    :confused:
     
  2. istanbulean

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    hehe, nice said.
     
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