Next Saturday is the Day

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Martin van Burden, Jun 24, 2005.

  1. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    I'm so excited. My mom and my sister are returning from Greece next Saturday, which will be perfect timing for Independence Day celebration. It works out nicely because I'll have an extended weekend.

    They have been gone since Thanksgiving. Some entries in my blog make explicit mention of what I've been going through. Thankfully, it's not been all that tough since I'm way busy enough with school and clients and waiting tables and such, but the closer I get to that fateful next Saturday (the 2nd), the more emotional I get.

    I had a great Christmas in Oklahoma celebrating with my Uncle Steve and Aunt Roxanne and my sisters. (Of course, these aren't family through blood. Steve is my mom's first husband and his whole family, but they've been nothing but good to me as long as I can remember.) But it was amiss. I had never, ever spent holiday away from my family.

    And speaking of which -- family -- I've arrived at two conclusions.

    My family is incredibly small and scattered. My great grandparents had all the fuckin' children and since then, nobody wants to have more than a kid or two, and many on my mom's side have already been married and divorced with no children on record. Don't know squat about Dad's side and don't care to -- divorce happened when I was six. So, whether I'm talking blood relation or fictive kin, I really, really truly adore where I come from and I can't imagine not giving my folks a little closer with this hiatus considered.

    And this is incredible for me to admit, but when I checked FedEx to see if the airline tickets made it to my mom's hotel in decent order, when I got the confirmation, I got really teary-eyed. I didn't break down, but I was right there and I haven't been emotionally touched like that in a long time.

    But -- and here's the second conclusion -- as much as I love my family, there's a whole lot of strife in my mother's side, so much so that I battle these feelings of longing and shame for them. Trust me, when I say I wanted to really belong to this Greek group of kin, I almost did the unthinkable -- take the family last name for my own. That's Dee Hill Koutsoukos. And I still long for that sense of connection, but it pains me to know that my mom felt so unwelcomed and hurt staying there for the past few months. I don't know details, and I'll learn 'em, but it's enough to make me consider keeping my bastardly dad's name. Just Hill.

    Anyway, wanted to get this out. I'm way too excited. I can't wait.
     
  2. B_Jeremy

    B_Jeremy New Member

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    I'm really excited for you as well Dee!! :) This made my day! There are times when I wish I had a big huge family to love and cherish, or even had the ability to get to know the few aunts I have better, but because I do love my mom so much, I'd have a hard time changing anything about my life.

    Here's to hoping next week is a great one for you! :)
     
  3. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    Dee,

    I am so glad they are coming home to be with you if even for a short while. YOU need to get take a picture of you all together and let us see them. Yes, families as you well know are a trip. I often have a love /hate relationship with some part sof my very large family of origin.
    I know that there is nothing like the blood family and itis draw though and I am so glad you are going to get to see two people who love you very much, very soon.


    Naughty K.
     
  4. B_werfghj

    B_werfghj New Member

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    love ya dee!
     
  5. Freddie53

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    Dee.

    I am excited for you. You sound like a very devoted person. I am sorry about your relationship with your dad. Every guy benefits from having a real dad who is always there. My dad wasn't perfect and there were times I wish he had been gone. He had problems. But he did love us. I am sure of that.

    You seem to be a guy with strong ideas of right and wrong. I may not always agree with those, but I respect them.

    Have a wonderful day.

    Freddie
     
  6. steve319

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    Good for you, Dee! Glad to hear about the upcoming family reunion!

    Family is a funny thing, isn't it? I think that, living in a rural area with lots of family close by, I take their proximity too much for granted. (Of course, there are a lot of drawbacks too....)

    I hope that whatever you hear about their stay overseas isn't as bad as you're expecting.

    Enjoy the familial companionship!
     
  7. Edmond405

    Edmond405 New Member

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    Dee - ALL families have their own issues. Know that at the end of the day, when all is said and done, no one is perfect. It is the love that a family shares in spite of that imperfection within each of us that makes "family" (by birth or chosen) so wonderful. I hope that your visit is great and that you receive the love you hope for.

    Take Care - Ed
     
  8. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    I'm not so sure I could just write the negative feelings off so easily, Edmond. The reality is, my mom and my sister and I all share a really strong bond that came with time, experience, and a lot of mutual support and trust. Those things make up family to me. There is a lot of mystery surrounding my family outside of these shores. I know a little bit about where I come from, who's in the picture, and the strangeness that travels from generation to generation. I know some of my family dirt. Regardless, there has been a lot of petty, rude stuff that went on unhalted for years and years and, reality speaking, there are quite a few splits in my family for various reasons.

    It's clear that I really miss Mom and I'm glad that she's coming back to stay. I hope the best for her. And however the emotional scars heal, I hope my family stays happy and healthy.
     
  9. prepstudinsc

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    Dee, I'm so glad that you got everything worked out for them to come back home.
    I know it's a relief for you and for the two of them.
     
  10. Lex

    Lex
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    In Your Darkest Thoughts and Dreams
    Dee--that's such a mature way to look at family. I have just begun reestablishing my relationship with my mom (I restarted with my dad a few years ago). I know its not easy to move forward, but its worth it. Very much so.
     
  11. oldbodybuilder2004

    oldbodybuilder2004 New Member

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    Dee;

    I guess I don't know how lucky I was. I had a very good relationship with both of my parents and my brother and the whole family of both sides. I just can't imagine not having family. I think you are doing the mature thing now reestaablish while they are living. Mine are long gone and it would be impossible now.
    God blesss and love to all

    OBB
     
  12. BuffMusicIdol

    BuffMusicIdol New Member

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    I can only hope for you that despite the regular and somewhat predictable ups and downs of what being a family means, that the time you have with your mom and sis will yield great memories, happiness and enough balm to help apply the healing needed in the "off" seasons.

    My family is riddled with rifts on both sides. I made peace with dad, who is slowly dying now. My divorce caused my two kids to be totally estranged from me for over 3 years. Their mother just kicked them out of her house, and they are on their own (18 and 21). Now, being remarried for a year, I have collected step kids, and it's a wild ride trying to mix it all together.

    I have concluded, as I have tried to help all our kids see, that a family is blood, and very often beyond blood. It's who we adopt in our lives to fill the voids, bring richness, and share our culture, traditions and drreams with.

    All my best wishes to you and your family, Dee. I'm very excited for your anticipation and happiness. I hope you'll give us a follow up!

    I hope what ever fireworks there are this weekend will all be positive and memorable.

    :D
     
  13. headbang8

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    Treasure the reunion. Enjoy. Love to you all.
     
  14. D_Ignatius Demonfahrt

    D_Ignatius Demonfahrt <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi

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    Dee - I don&#39;t post that often, but I try to read posts regularly; and a few things in your posting here really touched my heart; especially your openness in sharing your feelings about your family struggles.

    First of all, I think it&#39;s cool that you are getting emotional about your mom&#39;s return. Sometimes we get busy in our daily lives, and it obscures how much we really care for our close family members. I can tell how excited you are, based on the title of this thread&#33;

    Second, make every effort to enjoy your family. Even though I had a great Mom and Dad, Dad died of a heart attack when I was 16, and Mom died of a stroke when I was 26. Looking back, had I known how soon they were going to pass away, I would have tried harder to have a deeper relationship with them. So enjoy the time with your Mom and Sisters, and don&#39;t be afraid to let your emotions out&#33;

    As for the troubles with your mom&#39;s relatives, it&#39;s been my experience that parents tend to keep the strife and dirty laundry from affecting their kids when they are young; they want to provide a simple, safe, and innocent environment for their kids. Now that you are an adult (Although Mom&#39;s are rather slow at realizing that fact), my guess is that she will want to share more of the "nasty" stuff with you. Enjoy your adult friendship with your Mom; I wish mine was still around&#33;
     
  15. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    Oh geez&#33; My afro&#39;s springing up into spikes, I&#39;m so fuckin&#39; excited. Mom left me a voicemail at roughly one a.m. my time. I called her right back and couldn&#39;t even say "Hey" without getting all misty-eyed. As soon as I electronically check her in at New York, I&#39;m packing up the car and headed home.
     
  16. B_Jeremy

    B_Jeremy New Member

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    So do tell&#33;&#33;&#33; :) How did it all go?
     
  17. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    Rather well.

    I was running late so I had to motor from Lexington to Radcliff in order to drop off some of her furnishings. A childhood friend of mine tagged along to the airport. Thankfully she was only delayed about 30 minutes -- New York (JFK) was hellish -- and, while I didn&#39;t burst into a stream of tears on seeing her, I did make a hullabaloo. Insert high-pitched yelling, screaming, "Mommy&#33;" sounds.

    I stayed in Radcliff overnight and we caught up a bit at a late night breakfast. Some family friends hosted a cookout this evening, and I stuck around a few more hours. She&#39;s really glad to be home, upset about what she went through with her family, feels even more cut off from them and yet she&#39;s kept her head high through it all. She&#39;s really appreciative of the family and friends she has in America, made some new ones overseas, and can&#39;t wait to get back on her feet properly -- almost anxiously so.

    But the big surprise, she&#39;s dropped a lot of weight and she really looks good. Fire engine red hair. Good tan. And my little sister has grown too -- all legs, that girl. I&#39;m so glad they&#39;re home.

    I might go back in a couple of weeks, anyway. That childhood friend cited earlier is getting married to his girlfriend of five years. Actually, I&#39;m a little shocked because I didn&#39;t think they were together that long.
     
  18. steve319

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    I&#39;m so happy for you, Dee&#33; It sounds as if all of you are back where you belong and that the family is whole again.

    Congratulations on an enjoyable homecoming.
     
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