nice guys finish last
- Thread starter bigrider
- Start date
Judging on the luck I've had being said "nice guy," the asshole approach will guarantee you more pussy... also, it seems to work for my friends as well. I hate it so much, but its the way things are. Women like dominant, cocky, well endowed (money, muscles AND cock), and at times, assholish men. I've met soo soo soo many fine- ass women that go for all these douche bag men that treat them like shit and the claim that they "love them " and "can't stay mad at them." It makes me sick.
It has a lot to do with all of those aforementioned women having psychological problems stemming, usually, back to their childhood. Lack of a strong father figure, mother figure or the lack of the progression through the necessary stages of childhood up through adolescence and into adulthood. Its sad, but its truth.
Knowing that your friends are asses would you like to see a really sweet girl, whom you care for, hook up with any of them? I doubt it. Let them continue to bray, biglapinski, while you keep being a gentleman.
You'll eventually get a real lady while they'll keep getting the dregs.
Phil Ayesho
Superior Member
women attracted to assholes lack intelligence or are otherwise damaged.
They mistake fighting in the relationship, the yelling and throwing, for passion.
You want that kind of woman?
The kind of woman who really wants a decent guy is worth sifting thru the scads of skanks.
However... keep in mind that love is an economy, like anything else in this world.
A beautiful supportive and desirable woman has something to offer you, and she has a right to expect something in return... and I hate to break it to you, but your dick isn't it.
Men are driven by issues of desire...
But women are driven by issues of security.
Trust me, if you are having trouble with your woman... it comes down to security... ( and girls, if your having man trouble... chances are you aren't making them feel desired )
perhaps your flirting with other women makes her feel insecure about your affection... or perhaps your lack of intestinal fortitude makes her fell physically insecure... or perhaps your inablility to keep a decent job makes her feel financially insecure...
Or some esoteric combination....
So- be aware that women worth a damn really want two things from you... one is some form of security... the other is for you to make them laugh.
Men make sex objects of women, because men want to be desired by women.
Women make success objects of men because women want to feel they are in an environment safe to raise their children. They want to feel you will BE THERE for them when they are old...
There is nothing wrong with this.... its how we evolved...
A smart man, who wants a smart and attractive woman, will bring something to the table and offer it gladly in exchange for what she has to offer.
And one other thing... as I told my sons... there is no such thing as unconditional love.
If you want to be loved... you damn well better be lovable.
They mistake fighting in the relationship, the yelling and throwing, for passion.
You want that kind of woman?
The kind of woman who really wants a decent guy is worth sifting thru the scads of skanks.
However... keep in mind that love is an economy, like anything else in this world.
A beautiful supportive and desirable woman has something to offer you, and she has a right to expect something in return... and I hate to break it to you, but your dick isn't it.
Men are driven by issues of desire...
But women are driven by issues of security.
Trust me, if you are having trouble with your woman... it comes down to security... ( and girls, if your having man trouble... chances are you aren't making them feel desired )
perhaps your flirting with other women makes her feel insecure about your affection... or perhaps your lack of intestinal fortitude makes her fell physically insecure... or perhaps your inablility to keep a decent job makes her feel financially insecure...
Or some esoteric combination....
So- be aware that women worth a damn really want two things from you... one is some form of security... the other is for you to make them laugh.
Men make sex objects of women, because men want to be desired by women.
Women make success objects of men because women want to feel they are in an environment safe to raise their children. They want to feel you will BE THERE for them when they are old...
There is nothing wrong with this.... its how we evolved...
A smart man, who wants a smart and attractive woman, will bring something to the table and offer it gladly in exchange for what she has to offer.
And one other thing... as I told my sons... there is no such thing as unconditional love.
If you want to be loved... you damn well better be lovable.
HazelGod
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That was an awesome post. So many great points. I hate to see men beat themselves up over not getting women because they think they're too nice. Let's face it, while some guys go through a ton of bitches before they land a decent catch, you are missing out on a lot of shallow bitches- is that such a bad thing?
I had ZERO and i mean, ZERO, attraction to overly confident assholes. I had no interest in giving them a single minute of my time. The shy guys are where i put my attention and energy. I'd rather have a cup of coffee with a shy, quiet guy and carry on great conversation with him and bring him out of his shell. I'd rather learn great qualities from him and pace things slower because of his shyness.
The overly confident asshole tries to get his hands up your shirt and pull your pants off before he even opens the door for you. IMagine how much lying or exaggerating this guy does around his friends that makes him feel even cooler and his friends even shittier about themselves?
Why do you think these groups of guys are notorious for lying to one up one another? When you get a bit older and out of college and in the adult world you dont see as much of these uber-cool guys. People have real things to worry about like bills and mortgages and finding a good mate. They settle down or stay single.
Also keep in mind that aggressive people tend to attract more passive types, so this aggressive super cool guy is getting women who are probably having a lot harder time saying NO to him.
If you are passive in nature, which is not a bad quality, you might be interpreting your niceness as why you arent getting laid. It's probably because you are getting aggressive females who arent getting themselves in the back seat of mens cars because they have more respect for who they are.
Many of you who say these things are very young and have a lot yet to see in your life. People change as they mature or they stay single or in unstable relationships.
Also, there are some guys who try too hard at being nice or trying to befriend women thinking its going to get them laid. Women don't fuck their bestfriends or people who resemble the "brotherly" types. Women want to be paired with a person who isnt trying so hard that it makes them loose respect. I think some of you act in a way that repels women even if thats your last intention in the world. It happens to a few people out there and its a fact. Some women repel men and some men repel women inadvertantly.
I had ZERO and i mean, ZERO, attraction to overly confident assholes. I had no interest in giving them a single minute of my time. The shy guys are where i put my attention and energy. I'd rather have a cup of coffee with a shy, quiet guy and carry on great conversation with him and bring him out of his shell. I'd rather learn great qualities from him and pace things slower because of his shyness.
The overly confident asshole tries to get his hands up your shirt and pull your pants off before he even opens the door for you. IMagine how much lying or exaggerating this guy does around his friends that makes him feel even cooler and his friends even shittier about themselves?
Why do you think these groups of guys are notorious for lying to one up one another? When you get a bit older and out of college and in the adult world you dont see as much of these uber-cool guys. People have real things to worry about like bills and mortgages and finding a good mate. They settle down or stay single.
Also keep in mind that aggressive people tend to attract more passive types, so this aggressive super cool guy is getting women who are probably having a lot harder time saying NO to him.
If you are passive in nature, which is not a bad quality, you might be interpreting your niceness as why you arent getting laid. It's probably because you are getting aggressive females who arent getting themselves in the back seat of mens cars because they have more respect for who they are.
Many of you who say these things are very young and have a lot yet to see in your life. People change as they mature or they stay single or in unstable relationships.
Also, there are some guys who try too hard at being nice or trying to befriend women thinking its going to get them laid. Women don't fuck their bestfriends or people who resemble the "brotherly" types. Women want to be paired with a person who isnt trying so hard that it makes them loose respect. I think some of you act in a way that repels women even if thats your last intention in the world. It happens to a few people out there and its a fact. Some women repel men and some men repel women inadvertantly.
The Dragon
Sexy Member
Men and Boys,
Take heed of this MAN.
He knows what he is talking about.
This post should be required reading
for teenage boys who are starting to date.
Sorry to say but ive found out that the "nice guy" always ends up being the jerk
What do you mean by respectful? I think women get turned on by knowing you want to be with them sexually. If respectful means you don't show a lot of sexual interest then women will interpret this as you are not attracted to them.
Also, since society frowns on women who outwardly show interest in sex, women prefer men who are the sexual aggressors. This way they don't feel guilty about the sex. The problem is some of us boys are brought up to also feel guilty about wanting sex, then we have no chance except with aggressive girls.
The conclusion is you need to be assertive and show interest, but still be respectful.
*Disclaimer: I don't know what the heck I'm talking about really!
I found this article on AskMen.com It has great indepth articles on some of the issues men face in their relationships. Here is one that address your situation. I am going to do a break out listing, but I urge you to go read the full article AskMen.com - Confidence
ARTICLE: WAYS TO BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE WITH WOMEN
Any woman will tell you: The single most attractive thing a man can possess is confidence. But, actually getting confidence is easier said than done.
You can't buy it. You can't just "decide" to have it. And you certainly can't fake it.
So how can a guy acquire this magical trait that attracts women like a magnet? It's actually quite simple, once you know how. Here are 10 things you can start doing right now to shoot your confidence with women through the roof, and become that charming, charismatic man that all women are looking for.
1. Remind yourself that you are the catch.
2. Look beyond her looks.
3. Focus on having fun.
4. Date multiple women
5. Practice, practice, practice
6. Succeed and repeat
7. Conquer your fears
8. Do the right thing
9. Be a leader
10. Improve your image
ARTICLE: WAYS TO BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE WITH WOMEN
Any woman will tell you: The single most attractive thing a man can possess is confidence. But, actually getting confidence is easier said than done.
You can't buy it. You can't just "decide" to have it. And you certainly can't fake it.
So how can a guy acquire this magical trait that attracts women like a magnet? It's actually quite simple, once you know how. Here are 10 things you can start doing right now to shoot your confidence with women through the roof, and become that charming, charismatic man that all women are looking for.
1. Remind yourself that you are the catch.
2. Look beyond her looks.
3. Focus on having fun.
4. Date multiple women
5. Practice, practice, practice
6. Succeed and repeat
7. Conquer your fears
8. Do the right thing
9. Be a leader
10. Improve your image
Rugbypup
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This thread is depressing, I'm very much a 'gent' and a 'nice guy' and I think it's because of that i've always finished last and never had a sex life.
Here are two photos, the first is an average dominate male face, the second, an average submissive male face.
Photo one will treat women like a bastard and photo two will treat women like a true gentleman, I can already say nearly every woman will pick photo number one as the most attractive, even knowing he's a bastard.
http://www.liv.ac.uk/images/newsroom/press_releases/2006/04/dominant.jpg
http://www.liv.ac.uk/images/newsroom/press_releases/2006/04/submissive.jpg
Here are two photos, the first is an average dominate male face, the second, an average submissive male face.
Photo one will treat women like a bastard and photo two will treat women like a true gentleman, I can already say nearly every woman will pick photo number one as the most attractive, even knowing he's a bastard.
http://www.liv.ac.uk/images/newsroom/press_releases/2006/04/dominant.jpg
http://www.liv.ac.uk/images/newsroom/press_releases/2006/04/submissive.jpg
Always been the nice guy and never done too bad....but like one poster said, you need to have confidence and not be hesitant to make a move.
Why nice guys finish last.
Its a fact it happens alll the time and its science.
As you can see many girls like bad boys: Do girls like bad boys? - Yahoo! Answers
Any way its all to do with hormones and testosterone.
So I suggest you keep being a nive guy but make it more obvious you like the person by looking at them, paying them attention, flirting, naughty comments with a cheeky smile etc etc.
Its a fact it happens alll the time and its science.
As you can see many girls like bad boys: Do girls like bad boys? - Yahoo! Answers
Any way its all to do with hormones and testosterone.
So I suggest you keep being a nive guy but make it more obvious you like the person by looking at them, paying them attention, flirting, naughty comments with a cheeky smile etc etc.
Playing devil's advocate here - now reverse that
hypothetically- would you go for the sexy female first (the one that would not give you the time of day), or the less attractive female but 'nice girl' who suffers rejection just like the 'nice guy'?
I myself would pick image #2. Just going by looks only, he has a kinder face, less intimidating. Also to me I find him more attractive.
hypothetically- would you go for the sexy female first (the one that would not give you the time of day), or the less attractive female but 'nice girl' who suffers rejection just like the 'nice guy'?
I myself would pick image #2. Just going by looks only, he has a kinder face, less intimidating. Also to me I find him more attractive.
Phil Ayesho
Superior Member
Lots of 'nice' guys imagine that their failures have to do with being nice.
Nice-ness seldom is the issue, except for screwed up women who will simply walk all over a nice guy cause she can.
What you are missing, nice guys, is that what women are looking for in a man are those traits that their hindbrain tells them will translate into success and security.
This is an evolved response to a tribal past.
The reason even the ugliest guy in the band gets laid is because he is on stage. He is the object of attention of a large group of people.
Women's hind-brains tell them that men who attract attention are potential leaders...
Less evolved women look at mavericks and bad boys and physically aggresive men and their hindbrain tells them that physcially powerful men are potential leaders; something that was true back when male success was largely tied to male ruthlessness.
But that is no longer as true today... but these women can not help how evolution has programed their sense of attraction.
The reason men who screw lots of women get attention from women is a little more revealing... partly, its the consensus... women are, unconsciously or consciously, in competition for high quality males...
Well... how does a women identify a high quality male? ITs not based on their looks, but on their potential to offer security...
a male who gets a lot of women SEEMS like he MUST be a sought after commodity.... his very success at getting women might be indicative of potential success across the board.
And that , right there, is the rub.... women are not really attracted to you as you are... generally.... rather, they are using their brains to try and evaluate your POTENTIAL for providing the security they crave.
Women have long sought older men simply because older men are less of a guessing game... their potential has been proven.
The idea that men get more attractive as they age is only partly true... Not ALL men do... just those who prove they can provide.
But how does a woman evaluate the potential of a young, unproven male?
This is why young men drive nice cars, take women to expensive restaurants, buy them things... they are trying to display the ability ( or willingness) to provide security.
Some women fall for those things... most just factor them into a gestalt.
The number one characteristic that attracts women is SELF CONFIDENCE.
The reason assholes get girls is not their assholishness... its the swagger and self possesion that assholes often exhibit.
The reason womanizers get lots of girls is because of their own confidence that they CAN get girls... that self assurance is the thing that women respond to.
The reason bad boys and mavericks get girls is because the next tribal chief, or CEO, is unlikely to be the wall flower... its likely to be the guy with the self assurance to buck the trend and make his own way.
I used to be a 'nice guy" with limited success with women...
Then, as I got older, I began to have a lot of success in a field that is very hard to have success in.
Even I began to notice that I carried myself differently... its called the "buzz" of success.
And suddenly, women found me far more attractive without my even trying.
It was not so much the income, as these women had no idea of my income... it was that I felt self confident, assured and capable, within myself.
I literally stopped caring whether women responded to me or not... which eliminated that sense of nervousness that women sense as insecurity.
So--- my advice to "nice guys" donlt stop being nice.... rather, look at your own sense of self assurance and confidence.
Strive for success at your job.. or, do SOMETHING in which, in a social setting, you can feel confident of your ability...
For example.... learning to dance really really well...
When you can look a woman right in the eye and ask her to dance... knowing in your heart that you are GOING to show her a good time on that floor....
that is what she will respond to... not the dancing, as much as that sense of confidence...
And if you WANT her.... show her a sense of self confidence in that arena, too... and I don't mean groping clumsy or crude innuendos...
I mean look at her so she knows you think she is beautiful, desirable and delightful... I mean be direct with her about your attraction to her....
Have confidence in your own emotional response to her....
And yes... being forward... being out there, being willing to hang your heart on a nail right in front of everyone... you WILL get hurt.
So what?
When My son got dumped by his first real girlfriend and called me, devastated.. I had to tell him how happy I was to discover that he had grown into a man whose heart COULD be broken. And I told him that the secret to finding and keeping a good woman was to continue to be willing to risk his heart...
...to be willing, every time, to take the risk of being utterly shattered.
You want a woman?
Show her you're willing to throw all in...
Nice-ness seldom is the issue, except for screwed up women who will simply walk all over a nice guy cause she can.
What you are missing, nice guys, is that what women are looking for in a man are those traits that their hindbrain tells them will translate into success and security.
This is an evolved response to a tribal past.
The reason even the ugliest guy in the band gets laid is because he is on stage. He is the object of attention of a large group of people.
Women's hind-brains tell them that men who attract attention are potential leaders...
Less evolved women look at mavericks and bad boys and physically aggresive men and their hindbrain tells them that physcially powerful men are potential leaders; something that was true back when male success was largely tied to male ruthlessness.
But that is no longer as true today... but these women can not help how evolution has programed their sense of attraction.
The reason men who screw lots of women get attention from women is a little more revealing... partly, its the consensus... women are, unconsciously or consciously, in competition for high quality males...
Well... how does a women identify a high quality male? ITs not based on their looks, but on their potential to offer security...
a male who gets a lot of women SEEMS like he MUST be a sought after commodity.... his very success at getting women might be indicative of potential success across the board.
And that , right there, is the rub.... women are not really attracted to you as you are... generally.... rather, they are using their brains to try and evaluate your POTENTIAL for providing the security they crave.
Women have long sought older men simply because older men are less of a guessing game... their potential has been proven.
The idea that men get more attractive as they age is only partly true... Not ALL men do... just those who prove they can provide.
But how does a woman evaluate the potential of a young, unproven male?
This is why young men drive nice cars, take women to expensive restaurants, buy them things... they are trying to display the ability ( or willingness) to provide security.
Some women fall for those things... most just factor them into a gestalt.
The number one characteristic that attracts women is SELF CONFIDENCE.
The reason assholes get girls is not their assholishness... its the swagger and self possesion that assholes often exhibit.
The reason womanizers get lots of girls is because of their own confidence that they CAN get girls... that self assurance is the thing that women respond to.
The reason bad boys and mavericks get girls is because the next tribal chief, or CEO, is unlikely to be the wall flower... its likely to be the guy with the self assurance to buck the trend and make his own way.
I used to be a 'nice guy" with limited success with women...
Then, as I got older, I began to have a lot of success in a field that is very hard to have success in.
Even I began to notice that I carried myself differently... its called the "buzz" of success.
And suddenly, women found me far more attractive without my even trying.
It was not so much the income, as these women had no idea of my income... it was that I felt self confident, assured and capable, within myself.
I literally stopped caring whether women responded to me or not... which eliminated that sense of nervousness that women sense as insecurity.
So--- my advice to "nice guys" donlt stop being nice.... rather, look at your own sense of self assurance and confidence.
Strive for success at your job.. or, do SOMETHING in which, in a social setting, you can feel confident of your ability...
For example.... learning to dance really really well...
When you can look a woman right in the eye and ask her to dance... knowing in your heart that you are GOING to show her a good time on that floor....
that is what she will respond to... not the dancing, as much as that sense of confidence...
And if you WANT her.... show her a sense of self confidence in that arena, too... and I don't mean groping clumsy or crude innuendos...
I mean look at her so she knows you think she is beautiful, desirable and delightful... I mean be direct with her about your attraction to her....
Have confidence in your own emotional response to her....
And yes... being forward... being out there, being willing to hang your heart on a nail right in front of everyone... you WILL get hurt.
So what?
When My son got dumped by his first real girlfriend and called me, devastated.. I had to tell him how happy I was to discover that he had grown into a man whose heart COULD be broken. And I told him that the secret to finding and keeping a good woman was to continue to be willing to risk his heart...
...to be willing, every time, to take the risk of being utterly shattered.
You want a woman?
Show her you're willing to throw all in...
Nice guys DO finish last. I think you have to find a balance between an asshole and a nice guy. There is a time for being nice and a time for being an ass. You have to know when to be nice to them and when its time to put your foot down, believe me she might not tell you but she respects that, its called being a man.
Phil Ayesho
Superior Member
then its called being a man... not being an asshole.
The idea that women like assholes refers to the fact that men who treat them like shit seem to have no trouble finding women.
Of course,,, all they find are damaged women who want an excuse to fight...
It is possible to stand your ground without treating a woman like shit.
It is possible to have dick rather than BE a dick.
The idea that women like assholes refers to the fact that men who treat them like shit seem to have no trouble finding women.
Of course,,, all they find are damaged women who want an excuse to fight...
It is possible to stand your ground without treating a woman like shit.
It is possible to have dick rather than BE a dick.
Nice guys should expect to take their lumps like everyone else. But, one's approach to the whole world of sex, I believe, is very important. I have not sought casual sex with any man or woman. The relationship for me is important. First, you make friends; sometimes, but not always or even most times, friends become more than just friends and that puts one on the road to greater intimacy of the physical sort. Two persons who have created bonds with each other, I have found, do make their way to the point where sex becomes the natural next step. The sex is a kind of sealing of the bonds that already exist and it is fantastic. In this kind of sex there is the sharing of oneself with the other and this togetherness is such that no one gets hurt and each is affirmed as a person of importance and great worth. The sex just gets better over time. Nice guys have a way of staying around; they find that love finds a way. And, nice guys are usually the smarter sort; they are not satisfied with less than the best from themselves and they get the best from their partners as well.
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