Nick8's 12 Days of Christmas

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by B_Nick8, Dec 24, 2008.

  1. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    Ms Michelle Edwards
    69 Cash Ave
    Cambridge MA

    14 December, 2008

    Dearest Jonny:

    I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.

    With deepest love and affection,

    Michelle



    Ms. Michelle Edwards
    69 Cash Ave
    Cambridge, Ma

    15 December 2008


    Dearest Jonny:

    Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves! I am delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.

    All my love,

    Michelle



    Ms. Michelle Edwards
    69 Cash Ave
    Cambridge, Ma

    16 December, 2008

    Dear Jonny:

    Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one! Now I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity--three french hens. They are just darling, but I must insist---you have been too kind.

    Love, Michelle.


    17 December, 2008

    Ms. Michelle Edwards
    69 Cash Ave.
    Cambridge, MA

    Dear Jonny:

    Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they're beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.

    Affectionately,

    Michelle


    18 December, 2008

    Ms. Michelle Edwards
    69 Cash Ave.
    Cambridge, MA

    Dearest Jonny:

    What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for every finger! You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

    All my love, Michelle


    19 December, 2008

    Ms. Michelle Edwards
    69 Cash Ave.
    Cambridge, MA

    Dear Jonny:

    When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge! Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket.

    Please stop.

    Cordially, Michelle


    20 December, 2008

    Jonny, What's with you and those fucking birds? Seven swans a-swimming. What kind of goddamned joke is this? There's bird shit all over the house and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny so stop with those fucking birds.

    Sincerely,

    Michele


    Ms. Michell Edwards
    69 Cash Ave
    Cambridge MA

    21 December, 2008

    Ok, Buster:

    I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight maids a-milking? It's not enought with all those birds and eight maids a-milking, but they had to bring their Goddamned cows. There's shit all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me, smartass.

    Michelle


    Ms. Michelle Edwards
    69 Cash Ave
    Cambridge
    MA

    22 December, 2008

    Hey, Shithead:
    What are you? Dome kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And, christ, do they play! They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to get me evicted.

    You'll get yours,

    Michelle


    Ms. Michell Edwards
    69 Cash Ave
    Cambridge, Ma

    23 December, 2008

    You Rotten Prick:
    Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.

    I'm siccing the police on you.

    One who means it.


    Ms Michelle Edwards
    69 Cash Ave
    Cambridge, MA

    24 December, 2008

    Listen, Fuckhead:

    What's with the eleven lords a-leapig on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten, viscious swine.

    Your sworn enemy,

    Michelle


    Law Offices
    Badger, Bender and Cahole, Esq.
    303 Knave Street
    Boston, MA

    26 December, 2008

    Dear Sir:

    THis is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict upon out client, Ms. Michelle Edwards. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondance should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Ms. Edwards at Promises Sanitarium the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

    Cordially,

    Badger, Bender and Cahole


    Have a Very Merry Christmas, Y'all!

    Love, Nick8

     
    #1 B_Nick8, Dec 24, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2008
  2. got_lost

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    :lmao:
     
  3. Realslik

    Realslik Member

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    Well thats lovely
     
  4. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    It's rather a sad tale, actually. No one ever accused Michelle of being an appreciative girl. She had no sense of the romantic and she just never got into the Christmas spirit.
     
  5. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, and for that matter, after those original twelve days of Xmas, it appears as if Jonny's own personal "spirit" will never get into her as well.:biggrin:


    http://instantrimshot.com
     
    #5 MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK, Dec 24, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2008
  6. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    Quite possible. However, she's been known to drink heavily on New Year's Eve. :wink:
     
  7. D_Portelay Porquesword

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    *Loves it*

    lmao @ river of shit. lol

    Leave it to you Nick.

    OY
     
  8. Principessa

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    Let this be a lesson to men everywhere. Stick with jewelry or shoes as gifts. Earrings are always appreciated and are always the right size. As for shoes, even if we gain 20 pounds our feet remain the same size. :cool:
     
  9. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

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    I am so appreciative.:irked: I just hated those goddamn birds and no I don't want anymore animals who leave trails of foul smelling crap everywhere since I do not have a doo-doo fetish!:yuck: Although the milk maids and their accompanying huge udders :015:made for a wild and cuddly soft,smushy pillows for me to suck er sleep on! :boobies2::lew:
    Girls I like the girls!......... :084: psst! and the gold rings!
    C.B. aka Michelle :fest30::fest06:
     
  10. HellsKitchenmanNYC

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    Did I miss something...? Why didn't she get 12 days pf bullits? :D
     
  11. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    :chairfall: That's brilliant! I love it!

    Have a wonderful Christmas!
     
  12. Meniscus

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    Not to be nit-picky, but Jonny got the dates wrong. On the liturgical calendar of most Western churches, the 12 days of Christmas are the 12 days between Christmas and Epiphany (January 6). Also, he got the last gift wrong. It's 12 drummers drumming, not 12 fiddlers fiddling.

    The Twelve Days of Christmas
    Twelve Days of Christmas - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    This is a little pet-peeve of mine, but according to tradition, Christmas trees should be left up until Epiphany, not taken down the day after Christmas or New Year's. (And if you're putting your tree up right after Thanksgiving, you're putting it up too soon.) Finally, it's considered bad luck (not to mention bad taste) to leave your Christmas decorations up past February 2 (Groundhog's Day, also St. Brigid's Day, formerly Imbolc).
     
  13. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    Meniscus, you couldn't be more correct on either account. But because it's a rare, um, bird who knows the difference, Jonny adjusted the dates so as not to confuse the more common understanding. As for those fiddlers who ought to have been drumming, well, you can chalk that up to both exhaustion in the recounting of this endless tale as well as rank stupidity.
     
  14. B_starinvestor

    B_starinvestor New Member

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    Another thoughtful guy getting raked over the coals by women and attorneys...
     
  15. nudeyorker

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    I love people who know this. I also love people who know that they are supposed to blacken the wicks of new candles.
     
  16. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    Very funny you should mention this. I was just telling someone this last week and they were thoroughly surprised, which thoroughly surprised me. Bad luck comes in so many disguises.
     
  17. got_lost

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    I didn't know this til recently! :rolleyes:
    & I learnt it in NYC! :tongue:
     
  18. D_Ireonsyd_Colonrinse

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  19. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    Good god, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

    Just shoot me now.
     
  20. HazelGod

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    Get in line, pal.

    :crucified:
     
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