Night Of Bad Performance?

AtYourCervix10

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I met a woman from online tonight went back to her hotel room. she was older. sexy. she moaned a lot. It was going great, until about half way into it, i just lost my erection and couldn't get it back. I'm not sure why. I tried. She tried. Just couldn't get it going. It was embarrassing. Although i have theories. has anyone had this happen to them? I honestly can't remember the last time. It was such a bummer.

But this is ALL TRUE. I"m not making excuses. But i noticed things going downhill, then got into my head. Once I got into my head, i couldn't get it back and was a goner. What could have led to this decline? I noticed the following in my descent...

- First, she didnt say anything about my cock or size. which was unusual for me. It got me thinking and suddenly questioning myself.
- the hotel bed was too soft. i'm 6'1, 220 pounds. I kept sinking into the bed and couldn't get good positions. (i know this sounds like an excuse, but it's true. i couldn't get comfortable)
- it was a school night and i had an early rise. plus just being tired and stressed from work.
- i was/am dealing with a lot of stress from work and family issues. that resurfaced before i went to her room.
- she was submissive which sometimes they just lay there and don't respond... which is really boring and disappointing for me. I need that feedback and interaction to stimulate me mentally.


i know this all sounds like excuses, but i am trying to figure out how and why this happened. i don't want it to happen again. thanks!
 

Complex8

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Mate, I don't think those sound like excuses. Half of what you described have happened to be in sexual situations before, despite being totally turned on by the situation and the person/couple (imagine being asked to be part of a 3some and not be able to perform, talk about embarrassing!).

For me, being comfortable when having sex is just as important as the act itself. If my legs get too tired from thrusting, or standing, I can lose my erection because I'm overthinking, or unable to focus. I recall one time when I was having sex with a couple, I was asked to top the guy - and the idea was a HUGE turn on since she was egging me on to do it, but as soon as I started, the guy just laid there, started moaning like a woman, closed his eyes, was clearly in his own head enjoying it but his submissive nature was a huge turn off and I couldn't finish. I went so soft the condom came off.

I've tried many different scenarios over the years, experimented a fair bit, and find that not every sexual situation is amazing, despite how I feel going into it. I think the best experiences are when I know the other person wants me - when they comment on my body, or my dick, when they give me approval throughout (it's a mental thing, like I know that they are into ME rather than the scenario). It's a huge turn on to know it's me they are into - and if that is absent then I start to wonder what I'm getting out of it, and it related to the strength and longevity of my erection...
 

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Sex is truly a reciprocation.

It seems like she just wasn’t the right natural, sexual fit for you. If we were to turn the situation around: In this case you were the one not turning her on through moves that she considers turn-offs, you would probably ‘blame’ (for lack of a better word) yourself, right? So in each and every case it would be your fault/problem/issue?

You are both having sex, you are both exchanging sexual energy, you are both there to pleasure the other person and yourself.

On top of that, you appear to have been in your own head too much. The reasons that you described all being solid ones, and not mere excuses. However, this did not allow you to properly enjoy the moment/yourself, so that any sexual energy that wás coming your way did not impact you at all.

If you are into this woman, tell her what you like and what turns you on. If she is into you, she would want to give you pleasure just as much as you want to. This also opens the dialogue for her to share what she loves, which you could use.

As for the stuff going on in your own head - remember that sex is amazingly fun and has nothing to do with anything else in the world. Find an outlet to process all the stress going on in your life to ensure that you will live a whole lot longer ^^
 

AtYourCervix10

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yes. so right and spot on. thank you. yes, i felt like a pitcher that suddenly couldn't throw a fastball... or any ball for that matter.

i will say once i started questioning myself.... i didn't know how to come out of it. the anxiety just spiraled on top of itself into a tailspin. almost like a panic attack.

also, i know how women are... many women are turned on by the guy being turned on. so if a guy cant keep an erection, they blame themselves. and part of my anxiety was... i didn't want her to blame herself! so that compounded my anxiety.

ugh. thank you for the posts.



Sex is truly a reciprocation.

It seems like she just wasn’t the right natural, sexual fit for you. If we were to turn the situation around: In this case you were the one not turning her on through moves that she considers turn-offs, you would probably ‘blame’ (for lack of a better word) yourself, right? So in each and every case it would be your fault/problem/issue?

You are both having sex, you are both exchanging sexual energy, you are both there to pleasure the other person and yourself.

On top of that, you appear to have been in your own head too much. The reasons that you described all being solid ones, and not mere excuses. However, this did not allow you to properly enjoy the moment/yourself, so that any sexual energy that wás coming your way did not impact you at all.

If you are into this woman, tell her what you like and what turns you on. If she is into you, she would want to give you pleasure just as much as you want to. This also opens the dialogue for her to share what she loves, which you could use.

As for the stuff going on in your own head - remember that sex is amazingly fun and has nothing to do with anything else in the world. Find an outlet to process all the stress going on in your life to ensure that you will live a whole lot longer ^^
 

Thickbear96

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Totally been there before. My wife and I went through a stint last year where we just weren’t getting along and though we generally had sex daily things weren’t lining up. To the point she even mentioned finding what she needs elsewhere. She later stated she just meant taking care of herself....

We generally have a pretty awesome sex life. But I think between the two of us and what we have going on with work or other stresses we can both be off at one time or another. Sometimes we are both off and the sex is just bad. Other times we are on different planes and it works but it’s not good. Then there are the times we are firing on all 8 cylinders. When that happens my cock gets rock hard to the point it almost hurts. I can fuck like a porn star and I make her cum so many times she’ll tap out and tell me I need to cum.

I honestly think I have a “time of the month”. My body is like dude seriously chill out. But my brain wants that daily nut. I’m still trying to work on this. Trying to lay off on the porn and other distractions. Maybe actually let my body get what it wants so I can perform better the remainder of the time.

The brain is a messed up thing sometimes. If we jump on the bed and she throws her ass up too soon sometimes I get it in the back of my mind she’s saying...okay just get in with it.... But other times my brain is like “hell ya let’s pound her like she deserves”. The other distractions like the way the bed squeaks in a certain position, a/c blowing on me weird, blanket under my knee, or just some other dumb thing has thrown me off before.

Every now and then I can psych myself back into the game. She’ll say the right thing or move her ass some way, and I’m back in it. Other times let’s face it. Let the mind wander and think of something or maybe someone else. The little fantasies of things that never will happen come to mind and I give it to her good. Sometimes she’ll ask what got into me....

I’ve been working out too. Following advice on here and tried a few supplements. I’m experimenting with blewchew and have had mixed results. It works great when the mind is in the game..
 
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AtYourCervix10

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i agree. men get a bad rap about not being emotionally invested or minded. Yes, i do love sex and i want that physical connection, but the mental aspect has to be in line too.

Totally been there before. My wife and I went through a stint last year where we just weren’t getting along and though we generally had sex daily things weren’t lining up. To the point she even mentioned finding what she needs elsewhere. She later stated she just meant taking care of herself....

We generally have a pretty awesome sex life. But I think between the two of us and what we have going on with work or other stresses we can both be off at one time or another. Sometimes we are both off and the sex is just bad. Other times we are on different planes and it works but it’s not good. Then there are the times we are firing on all 8 cylinders. When that happens my cock gets rock hard to the point it almost hurts. I can fuck like a porn star and I make her cum so many times she’ll tap out and tell me I need to cum.

I honestly think I have a “time of the month”. My body is like dude seriously chill out. But my brain wants that daily nut. I’m still trying to work on this. Trying to lay off on the porn and other distractions. Maybe actually let my body get what it wants so I can perform better the remainder of the time.

The brain is a messed up thing sometimes. If we jump on the bed and she throws her ass up too soon sometimes I get it in the back of my mind she’s saying...okay just get in with it.... But other times my brain is like “hell ya let’s pound her like she deserves”. The other distractions like the way the bed squeaks in a certain position, a/c blowing on me weird, blanket under my knee, or just some other dumb thing has thrown me off before.

Every now and then I can psych myself back into the game. She’ll say the right thing or move her ass some way, and I’m back in it. Other times let’s face it. Let the mind wander and think of something or maybe someone else. The little fantasies of things that never will happen come to mind and I give it to her good. Sometimes she’ll ask what got into me....

I’ve been working out too. Following advice on here and tried a few supplements. I’m experimenting with blewchew and have had mixed results. It works great when the mind is in the game..
 
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