No luck in gay love

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by kinggalaxia, Apr 28, 2005.

  1. kinggalaxia

    kinggalaxia Member

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    I just can't seem to find a steady relationship with another guy. Sure, I work alot and have college, but I do go out when I can afford it. Yet when I'm out in a club or somewhere else, no one seems to have any interest in me, not even to just pal around, let alone get intimate...and it's so frustrating.

    The best I can do is long-distance and even that sucks, because I've never had a long-dist that I could actually drive to in less than a day. I get depressed at times, just thinking of how lonely I am.

    Also, I'm a big guy...and I don't mean cock either. So along with my sadness of being single, I'm also bitter at how I am more or less shunned by guys. Looks shouldn't matter x(

    I know I'm "just young", but so is every gay friend I know in college who has someone already...

    Sorry if this sounds like me bitching. I'm just looking for advice here.
     
  2. blackwood

    blackwood New Member

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    You say you are not hung, BUT you are 6.5 x 5. You may not have a KIDNEY WIPER but you are hung.

    "Looks shouldn't matter". Fact of life so work at it, LOOKS DO MATTER! You are attracted to an individual because of his "self". An attraction that gets ya. True to yourself, it you don't like what ya see, work to improve.

    Your pic indicates, a fleshy but good lookin young man, that probably could benefit from some health club exposure.

    Work-out, diet, work-out eat sensibly, show a loss of weight and improved self image, and bango, someone I am sure will take interest. A work out buddy, what ever.

    You know what YOU like. Help yourself out by improving your health and physical condition to attract others as you are attracted..

    Some guys have "IT" naturally, Bless Them. Most guys have to work at it to get "IT". Get Started and stick with it!

    Wishing will not get what you desire in life. It ("IT") all takes work.

    Ya gotta "Wrap Up The Package". You'll benefit.

    blackwood
     
  3. Onslow

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    All I can tell you is that they are out there. I'm not the image of what a gay man is. I'm too short, too fat, too old. However there are men out there who will love you for who you are. Look around and you'll find that there are lots of guys into portly men, older men, furry men, blubbery men, burly men, fems, all sorts. When you go out for your night on the town just be yourself. Put a smile on your face and feel confident (even if you have to fake it).

    You show yourself as being in Pittsburgh which is one hecck of a fun city. I had some fun times there and am aware of a decent size gay community there as well. Hang around there and you'll notice not all the men are GQ models (or whatever they are supposedly being these days).

    Be open to surprises. You don't state what you yourself are looking for in a man but that you yourself are physically large--which for the record has always been a turn on for me! I have mentioned at times my current relationship and it is with somebody who except for his fur factor meets none of my supposed requirements. It comes down to personality. He has one and I loved it immediately. As for me, I wasn't who he was looking for either. It just happened starting with a simple conversation.

    Stop worrying or thinking about how all your gay friends in college have hooked up with somebody. People move at different rates. Some relationships don't happen until a person is past 30 or (not to scare you) past 40 or even 50. For now just get good and comfortable with yourself, that will show in your outward appearance and the next thing you know you'll have them breaking down your door to get in.

    Get involved in this years Gay Pride activities, you have a parade coming up in June--heck here's the article (I hope) Shadyside

    The point is there are activities which you can get involved in. Are you attending classes at Carnegie? Duquesne? Whatever school you are in check for any gay related groups there, start reaching out a little bit more.

    Again, just try to stay positive and upbeat that's the biggest hurdle.
     
  4. Kimahri

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    This subject touches pretty close to me, but for a couple different reasons.

    I don't "act" gay nor are many of my habits, hobbies or interests. I'm considered kinda odd amongst my straight friends, so you can imagine how I fared on the "scene". I'm a big guy too, but a little on the athletic side, but I play rpgs, MMORPGs, go to sci fi conventions, quote all three of the first Star Wars movies with 95% accuracy, etc etc.

    None of the above are really impressive traits to woo other gay men. Particularily when I was younger. I strove to change myself for them, but I gained nothing. I had dated a few guys here and there, but nothing really long term happened. Then, I said fuck it. I'm going to be me. If they don't like it, they can move on. When I was younger, I did the strange thing of choosing being odd over being popular. Odd was closer to my true self anyway.

    Truth be told, I think attitude got me involved with the studs and straight guys that I've been with. I don't think that well of my appearance, my endowment, etc. And when I did that, it showed. When I said fuck it and revelled in my own existence, things got better.

    So, you asked for advice and here it goes.

    Be yourself and do what you do that makes you happy. You will find someone there, like my friend pointed out to me. If someone isn't interested in you for who you are on the inside, they don't deserve you in the first place. Hold your head up, be you and do what YOU feel you need to do to make yourself happy. I'm not going to lie, taking that route is going to be a long and lonely thing, but you will find someone and that will be far better than any of the interim ones you'd have found along the way.

    You wanna talk, feel free to IM me.
     
  5. cjb76

    cjb76 New Member

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    Just my two cents...


    The biggest thing you can do to boost your attractiveness is just plain old confidence... I mean just going up to the perfect 10 and saying hello will go far, since half the time those guys can either be shy in a way and wonder why no one says hello and just be intimidated to, or they are total jerks, which you wouldn't want to date anyway... either way the worst thing is that they'll ignore you and or say no... and again, you wouldn't want to date the type that isn't even nice enough to respond back...

    the other factor is that you're looking for it, and wanting it... desperation comes across very very easily and people pick up on it and fear "clingy, needy, psycho-stalker" . It's funny when you are dating someone, it seems like everyone comes out of the woodwork and says hello and wants to get to know you... mostly cause you're not looking and just acting yourself true and true and you don't have any expectations since you're already taken.

    So really since you are young, and settling down for life with someone in college is pretty rare in any sense.. just have fun meeting people and have NO EXPECTATIONS... because when you do, you put pressure on whoever you talk to and they'll shy away and run. Do things you love to do and meet guys that way, the bar scene is very superficial and mostly all about sex and quick hookups.

    If you're worried about your appearance, change it, it's one thing you have total control... anyone can have a 6 pack if they work hard enough... and just being in generally fit shape is good health and better sex... and if that helps you feel better about yourself and boost esteem then it's not a bad thing to change, in the end you get better health. A lot is diet... and the simplest things are just eat more often, always eat sig protein at each meal, grab a vegetable and don't eat lots of carbs and lots of fat in the same meals.. and eat most carbs after you've exercised.... throw in some fish oil caps(6g a day in research had people drop 3lbs and add 3 lbs of muscle without any changes in diet or exercise over 2 weeks.. cool huh? ) and you're set to change.

    Personality does count a lot in the long run, appearances just get the hello 90% of the time, and confidence gets the hello 100% of the time.

    Gay dating is rough and gets rougher as you age... there's less choices since we're only 10% of the pop.... but mostly just have fun meeting new people and do things you have fun doing, so the attitude toward it all... if there's no expectations, you're never disappointed, and then you'll be surprised how fast you'll be dating someone that may or may not be long term, but you'll enjoy the time you get, life's short.
     
  6. txquis

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    Short answer: Dating (gay or straight) is tough.
    Longer answer:
    I blogged about this and
    the complete version is here at lpsg in my blog archive, but...here are some highlights...Understand, my blog is from nobody's experience but my own and may not apply to all gay men, lest i hear cries of, "thats not how it is for me".
    :D

    FROM TXQUIS TIGGERBLOG:

    My challenge as a gay single man, is not finding someone to have sex with,
    but finding someone to romance.

    In my lifestyle there is little or no pressure or expectation to ever "nest"...
    to ever not "run and play".
    The seduction of the lifestyle for so many is
    it is BoysNightOut.........forever.
    .......Those who desire romance and love and commitment are not EXTINCT,
    but more difficult to find.
    Hell, all men in general seem to have
    trouble with 'settling down".
    it is:
    "Well, dude...uh...fucking is great, but..you're not
    my WIFE...we're not MARRIED for God's sake" is the credo.
    It can be a very SUPERFICIAL lifestyle at times.

    The gay world is very unforgiving of the average looks.
    And it is downright cruel to UNATTRACTIVE.
    Then you have to juggle little things like....are we both tops?
    What role do i favor in bed? What if i want to be the top sometime
    and I'm with a total top? What am i going to have to sacrifice
    sexually? Or...who will turn me down based on my role in bed not
    matching...or worse yet, my average size.

    A "forever" kind of love is uncommon in this world,gay or straight.

    I have some hope however...i have some very caring friends, who
    fit with my style of thinking...and i have been advised that as i grow older,
    more guys will come to terms with romance.......

    ........Meanwhile, it is still
    Peter and the Lost Boys.
    and I am trapped in Neverland.
    And sometimes, i just want to go home
     
  7. woskxn

    woskxn New Member

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    I think in the end, nobody wants to die alone. For that reason, its human nature to come to the conclusion that love is really what you need, someone to support you, not sex.

    When you are young, horny, and have a great sex drive, its a pretty easy decision...but when you get older, people realize what they need the most.
     
  8. funcub

    funcub New Member

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    The bottom line is: only YOU can make you happy. If you get shunned by some guys (not that gay men would ever be cruel to each other :eyes: ) then fuck 'em. There are a ton of other guys out there that will like you. You just simply have to find them, or be where they can find you. Depending on your preferred type, There are bear clubs, chubby chaser groups and all sorts of bars and websites where you can meet guys (and that includes hot, thin, muscular and well hung men) who are into your body type.

    All the people saying looks don't matter forget that there is ALWAYS some visual component to how we find people attractive. Yes, we want them to see through the exterior into how great we are inside, but how often in life does that happen? I don't know what type of men you go for, but maybe that is where the problem lies. If you don't use or like any of the above mentioned gay sub-groups, it becomes harder to find someone into your type of guy. And I can say this because I have been right where you are. I even still use my old log-in name (mainly because "Two Legs Over Easy" sounds way too slutty) from when I was a lard-ass. I got myself together and changed the way I looked because the type of men I wanted was not going to change. In order to try and achieve the happiness we all crave, and to be healthy and live long enough to enjoy it, I changed the way I look. People complained that I should have only done it for me, not for others, not realizing that finding a man/men to hop in the sack or settle down with WAS for me.

    If those are the types of guys you like as well, then you're going to have to bite the bullet and do what it takes to achieve it. Complaining that nobody wants you will never get you anywhere unless YOU take action to make yourself wanted. We've all been at those horrible down points in our lives where we feel nobody wants us, the beautiful men and the less than beautiful ones alike.

    Do what YOU need to do to make things happen. If it's weight loss, working out, finding new places to meet men into you, new internet sites for dating, etc., then now's the best time for you to start making your future happen. And always have some confidence in who you are and what a great catch you are. I guarantee you that men can see when you feel good about yourself.

    If you want a friend to chat with, or help with anything, PM me, 'cause I'm getting off my soapbox now!
     
  9. pumpmaster

    pumpmaster New Member

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    Well my friend love is a very complex thing! But being gay has nothing to do with it. Love transcends all barriers so it does not matter if one is straight, gay, black, white a mix couple or what ever love is just love because it comes from a higher state of being.

    But finding that special connection is hard to find even for those that seem like they have everything. But just because someone looks handsome or pretty on the outside does not mean the inside is the same. And in time even if you did find the special someone the sex usually fades over time or at best evens out over the years. So there needs to be far more between you to keep the relationship alive and growing. So relationship take a lot of work to keep them going strong.

    Yes you are young and you still have a lifetime of experiences still to have so go out there and have them. I have been married, raised three kids, divorced, and had a male lover for three years before he died. Yet I have found that my friendships in general have far out lasted any relationship I have ever had. We tend to forget that our friendships our relationship too and there is love there as well only a different kind of love.

    In time you will find what you seek. But it will find you usually when you are not looking for it.


    Good luck and don’t be so down.


    Pumpmaster
     
  10. manta88ray

    manta88ray Member

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    King,

    You have all the power here, and I hope you know that. The people that you (anyone) idolize might be beautiful but honestly thats only one aspect of a persons being. It takes more then looks alone to someone worth. I'm sure that sounds cliched but it's what I believe. Other people have told you that you need to work out, and get in more fit. That sounds like a solid idea, but know one thing about it, DON'T do that if your only doing it for someone else, or for some "idea" you have of what other people want. Because only you can make that decision and it has to be for yourself. All these choices have to be for yourself. Because you have to trust and believe in "you" thats the first step. Play to your strengths and work on your weaknesses.

    Heh, heh. Think of it in terms of Naruto, I know you like that series ;) , everyone is born with different levels of talent. Just take note of the ones you need the most work on and work hard on them. "Even a dropout can defeat a genius with hard work!" :D

    And remember this site and your friends are there for you, for advice, support, and everything. Just be patient and if you cant be patient find something to do to work on fixing it. You'll get there.

    Yosha!
    manta >.> <.< ray
     
  11. naughty

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    Workin&#039; up a good pot of mad!
    Wow guys&#33;

    I am a straight female, but this thread really touched my heart. You all are what LPSG is all about&#33; God bless all of you for rallying around King Galaxia. The funny thing is that much of this advice would work for any one of us on the board straight or gay. I am hearing some of the same things that I myself have said to younger friends of mine, gay and straight. We have to be comfortable with us because like it or not there will be periods in our lives when that is the only person there. That is not a tragedy, it can be a good thing if we look at it correctly. King, sweetie there is a book by Iyanla Vanzant called "In the Meantime" which really helped me and many of my friends get it together and keep it together in just this time of transition .This is all just part of the journey.

    naughty
     
  12. KinkGuy

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    King,
    First, don&#39;t buy into the gay "stereotype" of what our lives and relationships are all about. It&#39;s not about the perfect bodies and 20K trips abroad. It&#39;s just as mundane and day to day as everyone else&#39;s in the world, with a few complications thrown in. You absolutely must love yourself first. The possibility of loving someone else can&#39;t occure till you are a happy, contented, staisfied person yourself. Believe me, there is someone out there for every single one of us. Stop worrying, working so hard and being desperate. Relax and be happy and when the time is ready, the Gods will bring that person to you.
     
  13. jonb

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    Yeah, not all gay guys are bodybuilders or twinks. In fact, most guys are surprisingly average. Don&#39;t go anorexic over it.
     
  14. kinggalaxia

    kinggalaxia Member

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    Awww, thank you so much for all the replies, guys&#33;&#33; :D

    Sorry for the long reply, too. I&#39;ve been working my ass off at my full time job + I got finals coming this week :eek:

    So yeah, I am much too preoccupied to go out and search for &#39;him&#39;, per say. Once I have the time, I&#39;ll think on these replies, instead of just reading them. Right now, tho, I&#39;m near burnout stage, lol.

    Yes, on the weight issue, I will most definitely be working out. Anyone hear of Dance Dance Revolution??? Well, once I start summer vacation, I&#39;ll be on that sucker for at least a half hour/hour every day. Sure, it&#39;s unconventional, but it&#39;s damn good cardio. I sweat buckets when I do it, hehehe. Also, I&#39;ll be cutting back on fatty foods and such as much as possible.

    Again, thanks so much for replying and ya never know, in perhaps no time at all, someone may find me as charming and cute as I think am. B)

    Peace&#33; ^__^
     
  15. Altairion

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    First off, I hope you do well on your finals. I know how much fun they can be since I&#39;ve got mine comin up this week too, so any relationship plans that I want to set in motion are currently on hold. :)

    I bet some DDR would work well to burn off some weight. It looks like fun, and I&#39;m sure Skai would vouch for it. ;)

    One suggestion on losing weight, I have a friend that told me he lost around 55 lbs after high school just by running and not drinking pop anymore. That was just for him, but I&#39;ve heard that either reducing the amount of pop you drink or not drinking at all can have a positive effect.

    Whether you lose weight or not, everyone&#39;s comments are sound advice. I doubt every gay guy out there is fantastic looking. You just need to overlook the stereotypes so you aren&#39;t trying to force yourself into them. Just throw yourself out there, and if people don&#39;t like you for who you are you can shrug that off because you shouldn&#39;t have to care about the opinions of others that much to start with.
     
  16. kinggalaxia

    kinggalaxia Member

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    Ok, I&#39;m back and I read everyone&#39;s replies better.

    blackwood, thanks for the &#39;you&#39;re hung&#39; comment. *blush* I do remember this female friend who saw me in underwear before I went into my tanning bed (I&#39;m not rich; it just came w/ the house, k? LOL) and later said "there IS some bounce in that, I saw" So yeah :9 thanks for bringing my what-is-hung numbers back down to Earth.

    to all who wondered what I like in a man? well, let&#39;s just say I sound like a hypocrite. I like smaller guys, around my age. Still, I don&#39;t care if the hottest man on Earth came onto me; if his personality sucked ass, I&#39;d (relunctantly) say &#39;fuck off&#39; }(

    Kimahri, thanks for the anecdote. I&#39;m in the &#39;must be myself&#39; mindset but I also understand that I do need to get healthy, if only to give myself more time to live.

    Onslow, I&#39;m at California University of PA and yes, I&#39;m in the Rainbow Alliance there. I&#39;ve met some nice guys whom I don&#39;t have any expectations with, which is a great feeling to have. I even talk w/ one about problems about his man. Sure, I don&#39;t have good experience, but I like to analyze situations and often give good input.

    funcub, thank you so much for the comment about my reasoning to lose weight. "You&#39;re working out just to get a man??" "Damn right, I am." (you watch, me & Mom will have that exchange in the future - she still thinks I&#39;m having a big illusion -_-). But yeah, not only am I making myself physically healthy but emotional & mentally healthy enough to start & keep a romantic relationship, something I have NOT done at all in my life.

    Manta, how do you know about my anime fandom? o_O...do I know you....? *giggles* anyways, damn good quote. Next time a twink disses me, I&#39;ll think of that and like Naruto, will refuse to give up. Believe me, if I decided to give up, I&#39;d probably be too depressed to move properly right now.

    Alt, thanks for the comments and yes Skai could vouch for that....right hon? *bats eyes @ Skai* B)

    and to everyone else, thank you so much. I&#39;ll make sure I look at this topic when I&#39;m feeling down and I&#39;m sure it&#39;ll perk me right up, reading these sweet, wholesome replies.

    In the words of the immortal Sherman Klump, YES I CAN&#33;&#33;&#33; *dramatic pose*
     
  17. jonb

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    All I know about love is that if you search for "him", you&#39;re no more likely to find "him" than when you&#39;re just living your life.
     
  18. DC_DEEP

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    King, all the advice so far is valid. And special thanks to our female and straight male friends for their kindness and input, too.

    I too looked for "him" for years, and all I found were the posers, flakes, jerks, and assholes. I was 41 years old when I finally said "ENOUGH&#33; I&#39;ll die alone rather than deal with gay men" and decided that I would just be a celibate hermit the rest of my life. Then some friends who were into the leather/BDSM scene dragged me (almost literally) to an event with their club. I had no interest in that scene, but went anyway. I met several very nice, very interesting men, but one in particular caught my attention. He was a bit above average in looks, 5 years older than me, and intelligent (with a Ph.D.) I went home alone that evening, but stayed in touch by email with the "interesting" guy. We have now been together 4 years, and I could not be happier. Moral of the story - don&#39;t be afraid to venture outside what you have convinced yourself is your comfort zone. Don&#39;t be too rigid in requiring a potential partner to conform to certain standards, especially if you yourself don&#39;t conform to them. Just let things happen. And most especially, put yourself into situations where the men are likely to be less superficial. Best of luck with finals, school, and life&#33;

    HUGS&#33;
     
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