no one, the best gf I've ever had

Discussion in 'Fictitious Stories' started by smith2267, May 1, 2009.

  1. smith2267

    smith2267 Member

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    no one, the best girlfriend I ever had

    no one meets me when I come home
    no one kisses me any chance she gets
    no one snuggles up with me at night on cold winter evenings
    no one is an awesome gf!
    She's mine, boys, and you can't have her!
    But---I am a bad man! I cheat on no one!
    so, girls, if you are looking for some action, hit me up
    no one will never know
     
  2. Incocknito

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    What a load of shit.

    You just said you cheat on your girlfriend.

    And aside from that, it was boring.
     
  3. smith2267

    smith2267 Member

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    wow, here I thought I had written a good one....I guess a person is never a good judge of his own work, eh?
    I'm sort of clever with words, but everyone lays an egg once in awhile.
     
  4. SpoiledPrincess

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    He was a bit harsh wasn't he, not a bad idea, but needs a bit of work.
    It would read better if the lines were a more uniform length, and instead of the penultimate line starting 'so girls' it would work more successfully if you said 'so anyone' as a counterpoint to 'no one'.
     
  5. B_blessed boy

    B_blessed boy New Member

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    ye i agree with princess. its goofd just needs work .
     
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