No orgasm during sex for me

[dolfette]

see? another ''i'm done'' post.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Personally if i could go back and change the numbers to be more accurate, i would. I dont think the big deal is 50 orgasms in a month. My husband orgasms maybe 3 times a week. So my numbers are based on my reality, not necessarily trying to pin dudes down to 50 orgasms in a month. My husband also doesn't jack off and hasnt in years, i can't use his situation as the norm compared to those at lpsg.

If i said that women orgasm 100 times in a night, which i can, i would have had even more guys or gals come out and tell me that is not true. I can't win for losing. I just hate that the moral of MY story is being watered down to this.

 

[HazelGod]

I can't win for losing. I just hate that the moral of MY story is being watered down to this.

Pearls before swine, dollface... :wink:

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Dolfette- i should just be happy that no dude has said "Maybe a bigger dick like mine would help"

Maybe a trip to the dark side, Piggie style, would help :wink::wink:

Pearls before swine, dollface... :wink:

That's what I'm talkin' about! *suggestive leer*

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

That's what I'm talkin' about! *suggestive leer*

Oh daaaarling, you want pearls? I have lots, how would you like them? Rings, a Tiara perhaps? Would you like them set in Gold or Platinum perhaps?

 

[alwaysguessing]

Personally if i could go back and change the numbers to be more accurate, i would. I dont think the big deal is 50 orgasms in a month. My husband orgasms maybe 3 times a week. So my numbers are based on my reality, not necessarily trying to pin dudes down to 50 orgasms in a month. My husband also doesn't jack off and hasnt in years, i can't use his situation as the norm compared to those at lpsg.

If i said that women orgasm 100 times in a night, which i can, i would have had even more guys or gals come out and tell me that is not true. I can't win for losing. I just hate that the moral of MY story is being watered down to this.

I probably average less than 50 these days. When I was a teenager and wanking it all day, I probably averaged over 100/mo. Technically I think I could achieve over 200/mo with enough opportunity and motivation.

Not that the slight discrepancy has any bearing on the original message.

 

[hsarge]

MR, thanks for the information. While each women is unique, it is interesting to hear your situation in order to understand what women experience. Really, if it wasn't for the information that the women contributors provide, this site might be only testosterone loaded machismo.

 

[Chaotica]

Dolfette- i should just be happy that no dude has said "Maybe a bigger dick like mine would help"

Actually I was thinking a smaller dick could help! Even though I know you don't want help.
If a guy has a pronounced mushroom, that can make things particularly sensitive and irritated. I think I get what you're saying. UTIs are NO fun. And I have always gotten UTIs from big dicks, not small ones, FYI. Not fair.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Oh daaaarling, you want pearls? I have lots, how would you like them? Rings, a Tiara perhaps? Would you like them set in Gold or Platinum perhaps?

How sweet of you to offer - but I think I'll just ask Hivk for a pearl necklace :biggrin1:

Actually I was thinking a smaller dick could help! Even though I know you don't want help.
If a guy has a pronounced mushroom, that can make things particularly sensitive and irritated. I think I get what you're saying. UTIs are NO fun. And I have always gotten UTIs from big dicks, not small ones, FYI. Not fair.

Oh... right. So do you think she should dump her husband or just cheat on him, then? In order to attain that intercourse orgasm that SHE DOESN'T EVEN WANT!!!

 

[B_subgirrl]

I don't know why people have so much trouble understanding that MR is HAPPY with no-orgasm-sex. Although I'm extremely orgasmic during sex, I don't just enjoy sex when I'm having an orgasm. I enjoy it the entire time. So I have no problem understanding that someone could enjoy sex without orgasms.

And if that person actively does not want orgasms during sex (for whatever reason), why do so many people assume that they don't know what they're talking about and that they have a problem that needs fixing? Grrrr. I just don't get it.

 

[dolfette]

I don't know why people have so much trouble understanding that MR is HAPPY with no-orgasm-sex. Although I'm extremely orgasmic during sex, I don't just enjoy sex when I'm having an orgasm. I enjoy it the entire time. So I have no problem understanding that someone could enjoy sex without orgasms.

And if that person actively does not want orgasms during sex (for whatever reason), why do so many people assume that they don't know what they're talking about and that they have a problem that needs fixing? Grrrr. I just don't get it.

it's that lots of people are really, really stupid :smile:

actually, it kinda is. they lack the ability to understand that people have different perspectives on life.
you know...likehow little kids assume you know everyone/thing they know.

i like = it is good

whereas you and i would say,

i like = it is good for me

 

[B_subgirrl]

it's that lots of people are really, really stupid :smile:

ROFLMAO :biggrin1:

actually, it kinda is. they lack the ability to understand that people have different perspectives on life.
you know...likehow little kids assume you know everyone/thing they know.

i like = it is good

whereas you and i would say,

i like = it is good for me

I never get it when people think the sexual preferences of others need to changed. The only things that I think are totally off limits as sexual preferences are sex with children and sex with animals. And in both cases it's because they can't fully understand what is being asked and give consent. That's not to say that anything goes for me sexually. I have things that I just couldn't do because it's just not in me, things that just don't work for me, and big fat boundaries that I wouldn't cross if my life depended on it. But I'm not about to judge anyone else's sexual preferences based on my own.

 

[dolfette]

i think most people would say that it's a bloody good thing they aren't expected to fit into my ideals of how sex should be.

 

[petite]

I don't think Chaotica was suggesting a "solution" for MR. I think she was responding to MR's comment on guys who think that a larger penis would help a woman orgasm, and how she doesn't even think that that kind of thinking would be correct.

 

[nicenycdick]

it's that lots of people are really, really stupid :smile:

Yes...and there seems to be a certain kind of debating style that is used on the internet that is now driving me crazy. These posters take one sentence, sometimes one word, from a serious and well-crafted post and build some crazed, irrelevant and immaterial argument around it that is created only to show us all how smart they are. They use multi-syllabic words, scientific terms of art and warped step-by-step logic that only reveals how stupid they truly are. And, for the most part, all to reinforce some particularly ugly personal belief they hold about the relationship between men and women.

Please...I beg of you all! Just ignore them!

 

[WriterGirl]

Great post! You explained everything very clearly, and I really agree with your point. In the few instances where I don't orgasm I still thoroughly enjoy everything about sex - the physical (skin on skin contact and rippling muscles - sigh) and emotional closeness. You are so right that about the whole process being much more than orgasms, and extremely satisfactory in its own right. I hope men take the time to read your post to understand - giving them the benefit of thinking they want to give pleasure to the women in their lives, that they want to return the favor because an orgasm is "it" for them. But your reason for not wanting to is totally understandable! And it is important for guys to know that some if not many women can totally enjoy sex without having an orgasm.

 

[alwaysguessing]

I don't think Chaotica was suggesting a "solution" for MR. I think she was responding to MR's comment on guys who think that a larger penis would help a woman orgasm, and how she doesn't even think that that kind of thinking would be correct.

Yeah, I understood that she was merely commenting on the general possibilities surrounding that type of situation. In fact she made it pretty clear that she was not offering advice to anyone in particular.

The thing is, points are often raised in a thread that are tangential to the main objective, and as a result, some folks might learn another helpful hint or two. I think it can be healthy and productive to allow for some extracurricular debate as long as folks can avoid taking things personally and getting defensive.

 

[B_johnschlong]

Note, i'm referring to a clitoral orgasm during sex. It's the only way i know to feel an orgasm. I have a million clock hours of sex behind me in my 30 years, it's not happened involuntarily in my life during sex or otherwise. I don't expect it to happen in the future. If it does, sure i'll take it. But i'm not going to be working for one anytime soon during intercourse.

Let me tell you why...

It hurts to have a girthy cock inside of you when you have a small vagina. Not only does it take a lot to get past initial entry pain, but you don't want to jeopardize the goodness you have once the pain has subsided. When a woman is trying to orgasm, she tightens up her vaginal (PC or Kegel muscles) in order to build up muscle tension in the area to allow for a release with the orgasm.

Orgasm requires muscle energy, the muscle energy comes from tightening up. If you are filled to the max already tightening up these muscles is painful. I require my husband to stay completely still and not move at all while im stimulating my clitoris because the penis will literally pull my urethra (which is right up against the vaginal opening for me) and then the urethra will bruise up and trying to urinate after sex becomes almost impossible. Then i end up with a bladder infection from the bacteria being caught in the urethra.

I wish i could enjoy orgasms like this during sex like other women do. But my anatomy and his anatomy make it so difficult that i'd rather just enjoy them outside of intercourse. Most of the time intercourse gets me so turned on that i will desire my orgasms after sex. They are much more intense that way.

Sometimes i don't want an orgasm at all. This is very hard for men to understand because sex is designed for a man to orgasm. For women, most of us don't naturally orgasm from internal stimulation only. Regardless what the numbers say, many female sex therapists, physicians and other women will tell you the number is more like 80% of women need more than just intercourse to get off. This shouldnt be surprising because the clitoris glans is on the outside of the vagina.

Why would I feel satisfied without a clitoral orgasm during sex?

Because i discovered my orgasms when i was 14 years old and i came to rely on them as a form of going to sleep, getting rid of a migraine, having alone time, being in my bedroom alone for hours on end without interruption. It became a quiet, personal time for myself. For many years before anyone else was able to give me an orgasm. My husband is the only one who has been able to. And while i enjoy them with him at times, there are times where it is my time with myself. I see intercourse and sex as an entirely different experience that i am incapable of duplicating alone. So my satisfaction with the other person and the intimacy i can only get with him is enough most days that i don't need an orgasm to feel a completeness between us.

I hope this helps some guys understand why some women aren't keen on the idea and really don't mind not having an orgasm during sex. I don't feel like i'm missing out on much because if i want an orgasm, i just ask him to give it to me and he always does. I am very thankful my husband is secure and doesn't feel the need to make my orgasms about him or his cock.

I know Dolfette will be able to relate to a lot of this and maybe can share a little more about her own feelings so we can have another story to add to the reasoning.

You should read Michel Foucault's Histoire de la sexualité, 1: la volonté de savoir.

This explains why you, a total stranger to us, give us, total strangers to you, so much incredibly detailed information about your incapacity to orgasm and about your kegel muscles.

Why would anyone feel the urge to talk in a serious tone about their own sexuality in public, in front of people they've never met, and why would anyone want to reply and engage in such a conversation?

It's a very philosophical question about sexual identity, the making of the self and the power of the socius and the State. Explored in La volonté de savoir.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Actually, i created this thread based on other threads going on in the Women's Issue forum, a little place where your dick doesn't matter to anyone. LOL

You see, unlike you, i actually have favor here. People take what i say and they don't write me off as a troll like you. I actually have some people who agree with me on most issues i choose to talk about. You couldn't get the worst of mankind to agree with you. Sadly, you think you are the one who is always right. MMmmmk, we'll just keep letting you fall hard on your face each time you try.

 

[alwaysguessing]

This explains why you, a total stranger to us, give us, total strangers to you, so much incredibly detailed information about your incapacity to orgasm and about your kegel muscles.

Why would anyone feel the urge to talk in a serious tone about their own sexuality in public, in front of people they've never met, and why would anyone want to reply and engage in such a conversation?

I assume that she started this thread in order to share information and experience on a matter which is relevant to a significant number of women. And people are replying and engaging to agree, contest, or ask questions, all in the effort to learn and provide more information for anyone who would seek it here.

This site is based on sex. Why would you be here if not to discuss sex? And if we are going to discuss it, why should we not be serious about it?