No sex in relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jj86, Dec 6, 2009.

  1. jj86

    jj86 New Member

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    Ive been with my current girlfriend for some years now (im now 23, and shes 22). Ever since we've been together sex has always been difficult. Its been a mixture of both my size (im just over 7" when erect, so by no means huge compared to most of you guys) and the fact she suffers from a disease called endometriosis which can causes painful sex.

    However over the past year or so this has gotten worse to the point we almost never have sex. We've even taken the step to see a sexual counceller who has given her some vagainal dilators to try to get used to having increacing sizes inside her - but as yet this is not working.

    We still have intimaty, and she still satisfies me with handjobs/ great oral, but its just not the same.

    Anyone have any advice, or been in a similar situation?
     
  2. blkbro510

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    It's really up to you and what you can live with, because I doubt any of us can give you the right answer.

    With that said, if it was me, I would either break up and still be a friend, or keep the relationship but have the understanding that I have sexual relations outside of the relationship.

    I have met a couple of male swingers who are married or dating women who have low or zero sex drive,or couldn't handle dick (sizes 5 inches up to 11 inches), so because they still love each other option was to have sex with other folks but she shouldn't know. I don't know how it work out in details.
    Where are the male swingers in this forum, help us on how that work?!
     
  3. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    This was on the Tyra Banks show a few months ago (don't laugh at me, I was flipping channels).

    I heard everything from Steriod/collagen injections in her vagina, to therapy. There are actual physical disorders that cause the woman to experience physical pain, no matter how aroused they are. Some of them even shut their vaginas tight.

    While the collogen idea isn't for everyone, it loosens up the vagina enough that the woman can actually relax and enjoy the sex.
     
  4. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Side note, it's just a suggestion, and something you have to do with a doctor (a specialist, not a random as the problems can be large)
     
  5. Sexlover38

    Sexlover38 New Member

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    Get out man .....Take my advice i was in one for 10 yrs that turned sexless after 7 .Your heading in the same direction .In less you are both deeply in love and cant stand being away from each other .Other then that my advice to you is Run before its nothing and the sounds of it its already nothing already :frown1:
     
  6. blkbro510

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    Dude what was the deal breaker for you? What made you realize that it was over and you had enough?

     
  7. blkbro510

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    Hey Tyra's the new Oprah and they show her show like three times a day so you on point with it.


     
  8. onanedger

    onanedger New Member

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    If it was me, I would break up and still be a friend.

    Perhaps you may keep the relationship but make her understan that you need have sexual relations outside that relationship.
     
  9. Sexlover38

    Sexlover38 New Member

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    When we fought too much ....It was the end
     
  10. rob_just_rob

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    I haven't been in that exact situation, but I have been with a woman who had a condition that made sex difficult.

    I recommend getting out. But be VERY tactful. There's no easy way to break up with someone who can't have sex without coming off as insensitive or blaming her.
     
  11. Rowan Ravenseed

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    I realise that this may be a rather radical suggestion but have you considered anal sex? The anus can accommodate some pretty large sizes and while it might take a bit longer for you to help her relax enough to handle your size it might be a fair compromise for her.... and women can and do enjoy anal sex.
     
  12. JacobFox

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    my first bf and me rarely had sex... and I realized after a long time it was because I was done with the relationship...there was no more attraction...I guess sex doesnt have to be part of a relationship always, but it was the first clue that me and my first bf were done.
     
  13. pitloverfl

    pitloverfl New Member

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    Relationships, even romantic, loving relationships, can differ a great deal based on the needs and natures of the partners involved. If the lack of sex is really getting to you and there isn't a readily available solution to the problem (through medical treatment, counseling, etc.), then you have to weigh whether the good things about the relationship are more important than the sex. For some people sex is just an after thought, for others it's the be-all-end-all, for others it's one important factor among many. No one can really answer your question but you, I'm afraid.

    I guess I would offer one other point: I know it must be very frustrating for you. It sounds like you've been very understanding to this point, but it's pretty hard to keep our frustrations about a situation from becoming personalized as resentment toward the other person who is "causing" the situation. Keep it in your mind that this isn't her fault. She is trying to fix the problem and work with you. That should count for a lot.
     
  14. MalakingTiti

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    Thats heavy.
     
  15. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    OMG! i saw that episode too. for once the woman had something interesting to talk about aside from instigating people's lives and giving herself a mamogram on national TV!!

    anyway, back on subject. the couple tyra interviewed discussed this same exact problem that the OP and his GF are going thorugh. i remember it was called Vaginismus - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. a lot of the reason why she experiences painful sex can be pyschological as well as physical.
     
  16. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    I wouldn't just break up with somebody just because they had some medical condition. Would you want somebody to dump you because of your health? Come on guys!

    No sex ever is a deal-breaker for me - but not no sex for a short time because of medical problems. At least in my relationships, any of us can date somebody else after checking in with partners first. That means if one partner can't have sex for a while, I can still have sex and also help my partner overcome a temporary difficulty. I don't know if you have an open, but that's an option you might want to ask about.

    Why not ask your girlfriend to go to another doctor and get a second or third opinion. The first doctor might not be the right one to diagnose the problem.
     
  17. badgirl22

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    I feel for you - it's a terrible situation. My marriage ended because of a lack of sex - one can take that just so many years if you're a sexual being (some are, some aren't). It's not her fault she has a medical condition though and it does sound like she cares enough for you to try and fix or address it, and still take care of your needs, and that counts for a lot in my book. I know there are things that can be done to help a woman with that condition - I believe there is some laser type procedure to cut back on the growth but how successful it is I just don't know. Like previously suggested, maybe she can go to a specialist and see what her options are. It's not just you who is losing out on a satisfying sex life, it's her too so fixing or lessening the actual condition is beneficial to both of you. I'd not cut her lose at this point. Investigate her medical options.

    I wish you both a lot of luck. I hope it works out.
     
  18. dolfette

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    fyp :tongue:
     
  19. Wish-4-8

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    I also saw that show!
    Well, CondomFairy beat me to it.
    Side note from the show: another reason why I think waiting to have sex until marriage is stupid.
     
  20. D_Ernest Hummingway

    D_Ernest Hummingway New Member

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    i like d way u went about ur reply, i think its a good idea u guys sit and talk about what you both want. truthfully speaking you have needs, and just as you have clearly stated, that orals and hand jobs aren't enuff or compared to what you want, i think both of you should come to a compromise. talk about having sexual relations with someone who she doesnt know and who is clean, because, you might get sexually frustrated as u r feeling already now. nothing kills a relationship quickly as bad communication does.
     
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