No Sexual Inclinations?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Carroll Condomripper, Aug 18, 2007.

  1. D_Carroll Condomripper

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    I don't know if this is a problem or not but here is my info:

    19 year old college sophomore, complete virgin. I obviously have a desire to j/o and do so when I have time...sometimes i go a few days without j/o other times I do it 3-4 in 12 hours, just depends. I notice hot guys and girls around campus and like to oogle but thats it. I don't feel inclined to initiate any type of communication that would possible maybe just sorta lead to any sexual experience....

    I've read forums on here, and the few male friends I have seem to be "getting it" or craving it way way more than I do. I usually join in with them but do so in a joking way.

    Any ideas/tips/helpful things/causes/etc. that you might know, I would LOVE to know!
     
  2. D_Carroll Condomripper

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    I don't know if this is a problem or not but here is my info:

    19 year old college sophomore, complete virgin. I obviously have a desire to j/o and do so when I have time...sometimes i go a few days without j/o other times I do it 3-4 in 12 hours, just depends. I notice hot guys and girls around campus and like to oogle but thats it. I don't feel inclined to initiate any type of communication that would possible maybe just sorta lead to any sexual experience....

    I've read forums on here, and the few male friends I have seem to be "getting it" or craving it way way more than I do. I usually join in with them but do so in a joking way.

    Any ideas/tips/helpful things/causes/etc. that you might know, I would LOVE to know!
     
  3. lafever

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    Just be yourself, if they don`t like you then your better off without them. I have alot of issues with myself but my real friends don`t mind since they know i`m real. You don`t want any fake friends because when you need them the most they just bail. My most of my ex`s are life long friends to me because they know i`ll call them on their shit. Fake friends tell you what you want to hear or tell you to take the easy road, you have to stand up for who you are cause chances are no ones gonna do it for you. You seem very kind, and sweet, i`m sure it wont be long before someone just totaly falls for you.


    lafever
     
  4. Bbucko

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    If you don't feel the desire to include anyone in your eroticism, don't. When you're ready, you'll know it.
     
  5. Fire Agate

    Fire Agate New Member

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    i havent had sex in along time. unfortunatley im not this attention whore irl so thats probably why i havent gotten any
     
  6. rob_just_rob

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    I've gone through phases like that too. I suspect you'll start initiating contact with potential partners when you're ready to. Don't worry about rushing it.

    And FWIW, it's true that your male friends seem to be getting/craving it more than you do. Emphasis on seem. A lot of that is likely bravado.
     
  7. Meniscus

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    I was the same way in college. I liked to look at hot guys, but wasn't really interested in having sex. I was kinda terrified of the whole thing, partially because of worries about HIV/AIDS, but also a general insecurity about getting physically intimate with someone. Come to think of it, I had never even kissed someone.

    I also had other priorities. I was a fairly focused student, but the most important thing to me was spending lots of time with my friends. I felt like I didn't have the time/energy to pursue sex or get invested in a romantic relationship, and I wasn't in any hurry to do so. I felt like I had plenty of time for that once I was done with college.

    But after college I focused on working to save money for grad school. Then I was focused on grad school, and after grad school got focused on my career. Looking back on it, I think all those things were excuses for avoiding intimacy.

    For me, being a virgin became a big part of my identity. But the longer I waited, the harder it became to take that step. Looking back on it, I think it gave me a sense of security. I can't really explain it. I remember feeling a bit superior to my friends who were either having meaningless casual sex, or who were having sex in really screwed up relationships. What I didn't understand then, but have since realized, is that they were in the process of learning how to have sex and how to be in relationships. They grew from their experiences, and are now happy, well-adjusted adults; most of them are married and a lot of them have kids.

    I ended up waiting until I was 27, and I believe I waited too long. In my mind, having sex with someone was such a Big Deal that I ended up being a bit disappointed in the actual experience. I mean, it was nice, but not this spectacular, life-changing event I thought it would be.

    Since then I dated on and off, not much, had sex with some of the guys I dated, plus a few casual encounters. Nothing meaningful. I've never been in a relationship. Between the ages of 25 and 36 I gained 70 lbs, and about a year ago my sex drive almost completely disappeared, so I don't even masturbate any more. I find it hard to be single at my age when all my friends have moved on, and I find it hard to make new friends when most people my age are busy with their families.

    My point is, I now regret not having more relationships when I was younger. I feel like I missed some opportunites to grow, and I suspect I'd be happier now if I had lived a little more when I was younger, and had those experiences to draw on today.

    I tell my story as a cautionary tale. Time goes by faster than you think, and it seems a shame to me for such a beautiful young man to spend his youth without having intimacy, or at least some hot, nasty sex (preferably a little of both). If you're truly not ready, by all means wait until you are, but don't wait too long, like I did. Don't end up like me.

    I envy the boys and girls who will get to know you when you decide you are ready.
     
  8. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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  9. horneyoldguy

    horneyoldguy New Member

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    Have you joined any groups on campus - It is a way to meet people and have people meet you.
     
  10. Not_Punny

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    Maybe you're a hopeless romantic and are waiting to be swept off your feet.

    Don't worry, dahlin', someday your prince(ss) will come!:wink:
     
  11. DreamofJeannie

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    I was not interested in sex til I was about 19, thats when I lost my virginity to a great guy. Everyone is different when it comes to sex drive, etc. I am sure it will all work out for you.
     
  12. SomeGuyOverThere

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    Bingo.

    At 19 I wasn't even remotly interested in sex. I realised that I was totally unprepaired for it.

    I feel ready now, but am not getting any :p

    In any case, I know that if I had rushed out when I was 19, I would have been unhapy and regretted it. Don't feel presurised to go out and "lose it" just because everyone around you is - if you aren't ready and aren't comfortable, then you aren't ready, and going out and getting some just to appease peer pressure will make you regret it.

    Take it slow. You're still young [as am I], there's loads of time.
     
  13. Meniscus

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    In grad school I remember seeing a comedian who wore a turban (which she described as a "chakra shield") and pretended to be a guru. She explained that as we reincarnate, we move through 5 levels of spiritual development:

    1. Heterosexual (Don't worry, there's room to grow.)
    2. Homosexual
    3. Bisexual
    4. Asexual
    5. Omnisexual

    When she got to "asexual," my friends turned to me and joked, "Wow, you're already at level 4!"
     
  14. earllogjam

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    Your libido is a very personal thing. Your situation is like sitting at a big dinner table and people telling you to eat, eat, lots of food here, when all the while you aren't hungry and completely satiated. The truth is people's libidos fluctuate and everyone has a different appetite for sex. You may be getting a skewed reading of what is "normal" from the posts from this site because I think EVERYONE here is over sexed. And your friends may be embellishing their conquests a bit or a lot if my memory serves me well judging from my youth.

    Sex is not something you force upon yourself to enjoy. The desire needs to come within you like a hunger. You can, however, cultivate those desires and make them more intense. When you meet that person who does it for you (and you will definitely know or at least your pecker will) - go get it!
     
  15. D_Carroll Condomripper

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    Thanks for your posts....especially hotmilf lol, i'm an incredible hopeless romantic! lol I dont look at people and think DAMN LOOK AT THAT! ID LIKE TO GET WITH THAT! I'm like, SHE DOESNT LOOK LIKE SOMEONE I WOULD TAKE HOME TO THE FAMILY...must be why my fav movie is Sleepless in Seattle lol

    Again, thanks for all your posts! I'll check out your suggestions!
     
  16. Meniscus

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    Oh my god, you're cute.
     
  17. Not_Punny

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    :wink::wink::wink: That was one of the greatest movies of all time!
     
  18. roundtop02

    roundtop02 New Member

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    For my own part, I would 1) see a doctor just to check your hormones, etc to make sure there isn't some minor deficiency that can be corrected and 2) if the answer is no to #1, talk to an experienced therapist off-campus about your situation.

    Hormones can get out of whack for a variety of reasons - stress, recent illness, some medical condition, etc. and most times appear to be treatable.

    I'll echo what others have said. Life moves so fast. There is so much to experience and I regret what I didn't do, not the other way around.

    You're attractive, intelligent and have something to offer to many people. Maybe reading too much into what you wrote, but when you say "few male friends" and that you don't want to engage others in a way where you might have to become intimate (either emotionally or physically) suggests that you are aware of a barrier within yourself that prevents such interactions. A life without intimacy is a bleak existence. I did that for several years myself and now I can't believe I wasted time during the prime years of my young adulthood.

    It would save you a lot of heartache and regret if you would see a therapist and talk through the situation and at least get some professional (i.e. not like me or the others who responded) feedback. Maybe its nothing, but maybe you'd benefit from learning about why the hestitancy exists. Introverted people don't have to be isolated people.

    Please take some time just to explore the medical and emotional sides of the question you raised. I wish you well in your efforts.
     
  19. ledroit

    ledroit New Member

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    I wonder if part of this isn't the culture at WVA and you feeling 60% gay. Maybe it doesn't feel like the kind of place where your sexual feelings would be welcome.

    I would also pay attention to the kind of people you do feel comfortable being yourself with, as opposed to those who make you feel like withdrawing & hiding yourself. If you get into situations where you feel like relaxing with people, maybe your defenses will come down a little and you can enjoy the more personal, intimate interactions more. They don't have to be physical, either. Just giving people a glimpse of who you are and enjoying the glimpses they give you of themselves. And let it go from there.

    Speaking of glimpses, that's looks like a nice body behind the flash. How about a few more pics for us? Chances are people would like them here.

     
  20. racinggreen75

    racinggreen75 New Member

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    Ok guys, maybe you can help me.

    My problem is with masturbation. I spring boners all the time, I have wet dreams relatively frequently (I'm in early 20s). But when it comes to jacking off... I can't seem to reach completion i.e. ejaculation.

    Is my problem physiological, physical or what? Perhaps my masturbation technique is all wrong? I don't think I can have sex with a girl or guy if I'm not confident in my body...

    As for sexuality - my libido is quite low, but I'm attracted to boys and girls. I'm not interested in anal/arse of any kind..... I'm curious about b/js & virginal sex. Don't think I'm asexual.

    Anyway, it's just easier to be single.
     
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