I was the same way in college. I liked to look at hot guys, but wasn't really interested in having sex. I was kinda terrified of the whole thing, partially because of worries about HIV/AIDS, but also a general insecurity about getting physically intimate with someone. Come to think of it, I had never even kissed someone.
I also had other priorities. I was a fairly focused student, but the most important thing to me was spending lots of time with my friends. I felt like I didn't have the time/energy to pursue sex or get invested in a romantic relationship, and I wasn't in any hurry to do so. I felt like I had plenty of time for that once I was done with college.
But after college I focused on working to save money for grad school. Then I was focused on grad school, and after grad school got focused on my career. Looking back on it, I think all those things were excuses for avoiding intimacy.
For me, being a virgin became a big part of my identity. But the longer I waited, the harder it became to take that step. Looking back on it, I think it gave me a sense of security. I can't really explain it. I remember feeling a bit superior to my friends who were either having meaningless casual sex, or who were having sex in really screwed up relationships. What I didn't understand then, but have since realized, is that they were in the process of learning how to have sex and how to be in relationships. They grew from their experiences, and are now happy, well-adjusted adults; most of them are married and a lot of them have kids.
I ended up waiting until I was 27, and I believe I waited too long. In my mind, having sex with someone was such a Big Deal that I ended up being a bit disappointed in the actual experience. I mean, it was nice, but not this spectacular, life-changing event I thought it would be.
Since then I dated on and off, not much, had sex with some of the guys I dated, plus a few casual encounters. Nothing meaningful. I've never been in a relationship. Between the ages of 25 and 36 I gained 70 lbs, and about a year ago my sex drive almost completely disappeared, so I don't even masturbate any more. I find it hard to be single at my age when all my friends have moved on, and I find it hard to make new friends when most people my age are busy with their families.
My point is, I now regret not having more relationships when I was younger. I feel like I missed some opportunites to grow, and I suspect I'd be happier now if I had lived a little more when I was younger, and had those experiences to draw on today.
I tell my story as a cautionary tale. Time goes by faster than you think, and it seems a shame to me for such a beautiful young man to spend his youth without having intimacy, or at least some hot, nasty sex (preferably a little of both). If you're truly not ready, by all means wait until you are, but don't wait too long, like I did. Don't end up like me.
I envy the boys and girls who will get to know you when you decide you are ready.
