No Sexual Inclinations?

[nerd]

i am exactly like that as well: i do not feel any sexual attraction for anyone just by looking at them. i can tell if they are good looking or not, but that alone doesn't attract me.
i must need to establish some sort of communication and learn to get to know them before i feel sexual attraction.

if you are a girl this situation is not problematic because guys approach you anyway and you eventually are given a chance to get close to somebody and grow an attraction for them.

if you are a guy it will be a problem because girls are most likely not approach you first and they will probably not be attracted because they will mistakingly think you lack confidence.

 

[nerd]

Ok guys, maybe you can help me.

My problem is with masturbation. I spring boners all the time, I have wet dreams relatively frequently (I'm in early 20s). But when it comes to jacking off... I can't seem to reach completion i.e. ejaculation.

Is my problem physiological, physical or what? Perhaps my masturbation technique is all wrong? I don't think I can have sex with a girl or guy if I'm not confident in my body...

As for sexuality - my libido is quite low, but I'm attracted to boys and girls. I'm not interested in anal/arse of any kind..... I'm curious about b/js & virginal sex. Don't think I'm asexual.

Anyway, it's just easier to be single.

ehmmm, i think you posted this in the wrong thread?

i don't see any relevance with the original post

 

[racinggreen75]

ehmmm, i think you posted this in the wrong thread?

i don't see any relevance with the original post

I was just presenting my situation just like you have. The theme is sexual inclinations.

i must need to establish some sort of communication and learn to get to know them before i feel sexual attraction.

What does 'getting to know someone' got to do with sexual attraction? What you're talking about is getting to a point where you feel comfortable enough with someone so you can express your sexual attraction. If you're not attracted to someone then learning about their family, career aspirations, and favourite movies won't change that.

 

[nerd]

What does 'getting to know someone' got to do with sexual attraction? What you're talking about is getting to a point where you feel comfortable enough with someone so you can express your sexual attraction. If you're not attracted to someone then learning about their family, career aspirations, and favourite movies won't change that.

you are making the mistake of assuming that everyone is sexually attracted the same way you are:
i do not feel any sexual attraction at all for an "unknown mind".

so learning about their family, career aspirations and favorite movies has A LOT to do with my attraction for them.

it gives me clues about how they think and, ultimately, the only thing i desire from sex is the interaction with another mind. if it wasn't for that i would not bother at all and i would just masturbate.

 

[krater]

Ok guys, maybe you can help me.

My problem is with masturbation. I spring boners all the time, I have wet dreams relatively frequently (I'm in early 20s). But when it comes to jacking off... I can't seem to reach completion i.e. ejaculation.

Is my problem physiological, physical or what? Perhaps my masturbation technique is all wrong? I don't think I can have sex with a girl or guy if I'm not confident in my body...

As for sexuality - my libido is quite low, but I'm attracted to boys and girls. I'm not interested in anal/arse of any kind..... I'm curious about b/js & virginal sex. Don't think I'm asexual.

Anyway, it's just easier to be single.

So, when you masturbate you don't reach orgasm... Are you saying you've never had an orgasm or just that it is difficult to have one?

How do you normally try to masturbate, what's your technique?

Have you ever had sex with a guy or girl, or are you still a virgin?

What is it that you are not confident with about your body that makes you hesitant about having sex with a guy or girl?

 

[racinggreen75]

So, when you masturbate you don't reach orgasm... Are you saying you've never had an orgasm or just that it is difficult to have one?

Never had a conscious orgasm. Had plenty of wet dreams. Had one last night in fact.

How do you normally try to masturbate, what's your technique?

Well the only technique I know is just moving hand up and down cock. Obviously I'm hard..... don't have a foreskin though. I suppose it just doesn't feel good enough to go pop. Best way to describe it is dry jacking.. which can end up making my nuts sore.

Have you ever had sex with a guy or girl, or are you still a virgin?
What is it that you are not confident with about your body that makes you hesitant about having sex with a guy or girl?

Well if I can't consciously ejaculate then I don't want to disappoint in bed. I suppose I could have a dry root.. no risk of pregnancy. But in conjunction with low libido & uncertainty about my sexually... I'm not confident to pursue a guy or a girl.
I don't know how much the sexually issue effects my ability to orgasm... because I've read that even asexual guy jack successfully. And gay men can have sex with women if stimulated. I just don't know....

 

[krater]

Never had a conscious orgasm. Had plenty of wet dreams. Had one last night in fact.



Well the only technique I know is just moving hand up and down cock. Obviously I'm hard..... don't have a foreskin though. I suppose it just doesn't feel good enough to go pop. Best way to describe it is dry jacking.. which can end up making my nuts sore.



Well if I can't consciously ejaculate then I don't want to disappoint in bed. I suppose I could have a dry root.. no risk of pregnancy. But in conjunction with low libido & uncertainty about my sexually... I'm not confident to pursue a guy or a girl.
I don't know how much the sexually issue effects my ability to orgasm... because I've read that even asexual guy jack successfully. And gay men can have sex with women if stimulated. I just don't know....

I have heard that a fairly large percentage of women have never had an orgasm from vaginal sex, largely due to men being uneducated about the anatomy of a woman's body and that it does not directly stimulate the clitoris (ultimately the female penis), so for many of them masturbation is the only way of achieving orgasm... I have never heard of a man never being able to have an orgasm either through partnered or manual stimulation.

I would suggest using some form of lube when masturbating. I, personally, cannot jerk off without using lubrication, as I have no foreskin either, to fascilitate easy movement. Dry jerking hurts and causes chaffing of my bits... use lotion, saliva, baby oil, hair conditioner (not all at once mind you), anything that gives you some way to make less friction between your hand and your dick. Figuring out the right amount to use can take some time... too much = not enuff friction, too little = chaffed, sore cock and balls. Masturbation can take time... sometimes it can take me five minutes or over an hour, depending on how horny and into it I am.

I can understand the reluctance to pursue someone if you have been unsuccessful in conciously orgasming. Just keep it up, you know your body best and better than anyone. I wish I could be more helpful to you. I jerk often so it just comes naturally. Sex, also, isn't all about the orgasm, that's just the final destination to a really fun trip. Whether its with someone you care about or just yourself and your hand, just enjoy.

 

[krater]

Well if I can't consciously ejaculate then I don't want to disappoint in bed. I suppose I could have a dry root.. no risk of pregnancy. But in conjunction with low libido & uncertainty about my sexually... I'm not confident to pursue a guy or a girl.
I don't know how much the sexually issue effects my ability to orgasm... because I've read that even asexual guy jack successfully. And gay men can have sex with women if stimulated. I just don't know....

And, now that I think of it, have you tried seeing a doctor about it? I realize it could seem extremely embarassing to discuss something like that with someone looking you in the face, but a low libido or sex drive, especially at your age, could indicate a hormone issue. A simple blood test could reveal the problem, if there even is one, and some medication to balance your hormones could be all you need. Low testosterone levels can cause low sex drive. Just a thought...

 

[racinggreen75]

I have heard that a fairly large percentage of women have never had an orgasm from vaginal sex, largely due to men being uneducated about the anatomy of a woman's body and that it does not directly stimulate the clitoris (ultimately the female penis), so for many of them masturbation is the only way of achieving orgasm... I have never heard of a man never being able to have an orgasm either through partnered or manual stimulation.

I would suggest using some form of lube when masturbating. I, personally, cannot jerk off without using lubrication, as I have no foreskin either, to fascilitate easy movement. Dry jerking hurts and causes chaffing of my bits... use lotion, saliva, baby oil, hair conditioner (not all at once mind you), anything that gives you some way to make less friction between your hand and your dick. Figuring out the right amount to use can take some time... too much = not enuff friction, too little = chaffed, sore cock and balls. Masturbation can take time... sometimes it can take me five minutes or over an hour, depending on how horny and into it I am.

I can understand the reluctance to pursue someone if you have been unsuccessful in conciously orgasming. Just keep it up, you know your body best and better than anyone. I wish I could be more helpful to you. I jerk often so it just comes naturally. Sex, also, isn't all about the orgasm, that's just the final destination to a really fun trip. Whether its with someone you care about or just yourself and your hand, just enjoy.

Thanks for your advice krater. Your incite into masturbation technique is helpful. I haven't tried lube, but it seems I really just haven't tried enough. But I have some questions;

When you masturbate what do you look at?
Can you masturbate without porn?
What do you think about while you masturbate?
Do you masturbate for physical or mental fulfillment (give percentages)?
Can you tell the moment when you're about to cum..? Describe that moment.
Have you masterbated with out cumming?
After you've cum... what's the feeling.. pressume every goes soft?

Hmmm.. think that about covers it. Of course you're not obligated to answer any of the questions - but people on this forum are remarkably open.

When I've masturbated & I think I'm ready to cum... I seem to loose the moment in my head - which I think is because I'm not probably stimulating myself. Something the lube might help with.

More question are cumming to me (no pun intended :wink: ):

When you mastubate - do you focus on the head...?
When having virignal sex do you ever use your hand to get things to the right point.. or is that not an issue?

I better stop before I get carried away.......

 

[racinggreen75]

And, now that I think of it, have you tried seeing a doctor about it? I realize it could seem extremely embarassing to discuss something like that with someone looking you in the face, but a low libido or sex drive, especially at your age, could indicate a hormone issue. A simple blood test could reveal the problem, if there even is one, and some medication to balance your hormones could be all you need. Low testosterone levels can cause low sex drive. Just a thought...

Yeah, I know it would be embarrassing. The older I get the more bold I become in wanting to confronting the issue. My main worry about seeing a physician is to be told my problem is physiological or related to sexuality confusion - which wouldn't be helpful at all. Also if my problem is purely rated to poor masturbation technique then that's something a physician can't help me with.

However I can't rule out the possibility that there is a physical reason for why I can't reach completion.

What baffles me is that masturbation comes naturally to most guys - gay, str8, bi, trans, metro, catholic school boy.... don't see why it shouldn't for me.

 

[krater]

Thanks for your advice krater. Your incite into masturbation technique is helpful. I haven't tried lube, but it seems I really just haven't tried enough. But I have some questions;

When you masturbate what do you look at?
Can you masturbate without porn?
What do you think about while you masturbate?
Do you masturbate for physical or mental fulfillment (give percentages)?
Can you tell the moment when you're about to cum..? Describe that moment.
Have you masterbated with out cumming?
After you've cum... what's the feeling.. pressume every goes soft?

Hmmm.. think that about covers it. Of course you're not obligated to answer any of the questions - but people on this forum are remarkably open.

When I've masturbated & I think I'm ready to cum... I seem to loose the moment in my head - which I think is because I'm not probably stimulating myself. Something the lube might help with.

More question are cumming to me (no pun intended :wink: ):

When you mastubate - do you focus on the head...?
When having virignal sex do you ever use your hand to get things to the right point.. or is that not an issue?

I better stop before I get carried away.......

Yes, try lube... there's always time for lube!! lol... I can't imagine not having tried enough. It seems, comparatively, that I masturbate ALL the time haha... I can't imagine not doing it and especially not doing it often

I look at EVERYTHING when I masturbate, guys, girls, you name it... I'm not into weird or gross stuff... but good ole porn always gets the job done. I tend to look at straight porn or solo guys... some guy on guy is ok I guess.

I can masturbate without porn, I just HATE to. I am a tactile/visual person. I have a great imagination, but its just a lot of work having to be in total control of both mental and physical stimulation. Looking at porn takes half the work involved out.


Mainly, I think about how hot it is to see someone pleasuring themselves. I love to watch people do what they like to do to themselves. Being involved with the other person is great, sex is great, but as I said before everyone knows their body best and there's just something extra powerful about seeing them explore that.

For me at least, masturbation is 50% mental and 50% physical fulfillment. It changes based on my situation... if I'm tired it tends to be quick and just gets whatever I need done lol. Then sometimes I take as long as I want because it just feels good to make myself happy lol... I guess I'm a bit of a hedonist...

Of course I can tell when I'm about to cum... It feels like a cold and hot rush of power, wind, energy, something... then as it builds I feel completely vulnerable, blissed out, full... I dunno... full just seems to be the word... satiated.

I have masturbated without cumming... It can be fun, but I usually go the distance and finish myself off.

Afterwards, as I said before, I feel full.. complete. Actually, I tend to stay very very hard after I cum... it takes a while for me to go down.

When masturbating, I do tend to focus on the head if I'm trying to finish up... more stimulation gets me closer. I like to play with everything, but as far as my technique goes its usually more head stimulation with the right amount of lube.

"When having virignal sex do you ever use your hand to get things to the right point.. or is that not an issue?"

I'm not really sure what you mean by this last question... do you mean vaginal sex?

It could be completely possible that you're putting way to much thought into what sex and masturbation is supposed to be and feel like... Just enjoy the sensation, don't think too much, and when you feel like you're about to cum... let go, just let go... lol

 

[sjprep06]

What baffles me is that masturbation comes naturally to most guys - gay, str8, bi, trans, metro, catholic school boy.... don't see why it shouldn't for me.

Maybe it's becuase you're forcing it? You're willing yourself to do this action to achieve a certain means and your consciousness doesn't like it?

Back to the thread, I go through periods when I'm not interested in sex at all. They usually happen when I'm not treating my body well ie. not sleeping or eating well, stressed out, not being active enough, etc. Then there are periods when I get turned on by anything and everything. I think that's just normal.

And on the lube issue, I'm uncut and I use baby oil. It feels good and is cheap. Speaking of which, I need to buy some more

 

[krater]

Yeah, I know it would be embarrassing. The older I get the more bold I become in wanting to confronting the issue. My main worry about seeing a physician is to be told my problem is physiological or related to sexuality confusion - which wouldn't be helpful at all. Also if my problem is purely rated to poor masturbation technique then that's something a physician can't help me with.

However I can't rule out the possibility that there is a physical reason for why I can't reach completion.

What baffles me is that masturbation comes naturally to most guys - gay, str8, bi, trans, metro, catholic school boy.... don't see why it shouldn't for me.

First of all, if a doc ever told me I was CONFUSED about my sexuality he would have a black eye and would be less one patient. I'm no doc, but I don't think your problem is physical. I think you think about it too much. A good doc will always give sound advice and there should be NOTHING you cannot discuss with your doc. It's his or her job to make sure you are mentally and physically in good health.

There could very well be a physiological reason for your inability, but as I said it could be a hormonal thing and usually can be remedied.

There is no confusion in what you like... you just know. I like both guys and girls and I am not confused about that. I accept that... its others that might not be as accepting, but it doesn't change who I am. Some of my friends know I am bisexual and some do not... just depends on who I can trust with certain information.

 

[racinggreen75]

It could be completely possible that you're putting way to much thought into what sex and masturbation is supposed to be and feel like... Just enjoy the sensation, don't think too much, and when you feel like you're about to cum... let go, just let go... lol

Thx for your answers. They were very good & given me a lot to think about. I think you & sjprep hit the nail on the head - I'm thinking too much. But I was reading on another thread that testosterone helps with ejaculation - hence why young dudes cum too quick. So maybe it's a combination of the two things.
Wonder if there are any other signs of low testosterone... my voice depth is about normal. I'm certainly not an aggressive person.
Maybes it's all the dammed estrogen in the environment. Global sperm count is dropping apparently.

First of all, if a doc ever told me I was CONFUSED about my sexuality he would have a black eye and would be less one patient.

LOL :wink: fair enough too. I don't have much confidence in medical doctors. Sometimes I think doctors get into medicine for the wrong reasons. They tend to have excellent academic ability but lack the human dimension.

I like both guys and girls. I'm not that into porn... str8 or gay. I tend to like softer core stuff... like nudist stuff. Perhaps that's my lack of sexual desire kicking in. When I fantasize - it tends to be about me being an exhibitionist to a willing audience . But I want to broaden my appeal. I watched a porn with my house mates - "big fuck cocks". Lots of pussy fucking. I wasn't that aroused but really wanted to experience what they were. Can't say I like the idea of anal - at all. But I really curious about different size and types of cocks.

Ok I realise I have to experiment with lube. But the though of jacking for an hour isn't that appealing to me. Think I need to get more interested in porn...

 

[sjprep06]

Thx for your answers. They were very good & given me a lot to think about. I think you & sjprep hit the nail on the head - I'm thinking too much. But I was reading on another thread that testosterone helps with ejaculation - hence why young dudes cum too quick. So maybe it's a combination of the two things.
Wonder if there are any other signs of low testosterone... my voice depth is about normal. I'm certainly not an aggressive person.
Maybes it's all the dammed estrogen in the environment. Global sperm count is dropping apparently.




LOL :wink: fair enough too. I don't have much confidence in medical doctors. Sometimes I think doctors get into medicine for the wrong reasons. They tend to have excellent academic ability but lack the human dimension.

I like both guys and girls. I'm not that into porn... str8 or gay. I tend to like softer core stuff... like nudist stuff. Perhaps that's my lack of sexual desire kicking in. When I fantasize - it tends to be about me being an exhibitionist to a willing audience . But I want to broaden my appeal. I watched a porn with my house mates - "big fuck cocks". Lots of pussy fucking. I wasn't that aroused but really wanted to experience what they were. Can't say I like the idea of anal - at all. But I really curious about different size and types of cocks.

Ok I realise I have to experiment with lube. But the though of jacking for an hour isn't that appealing to me. Think I need to get more interested in porn...

Not all guys get off to porn. There are some guys that are fueled mainly by their imagination. Why don't you just take some time one day to figure out what really gets you going? Run wild with that exhibitionist fantasy. When you take a shower one night, pretend that you're doing it in front of a whole bunch of women and men who want to see you moan and shoot your load all over the place. I think I turned myself on with that one:tongue: Listen to your body and brain. You might just end up with some new realizations and a sticky mess on your hand.:wink:

 

[racinggreen75]

When you take a shower one night, pretend that you're doing it in front of a whole bunch of women and men who want to see you moan and shoot your load all over the place. I think I turned myself on with that one:tongue:

lol :smile: Not a bad fantasy. I've left the window open in my bath... that was exciting. Got nice and hard.... but then got concerned that I was offending someone so closed my window.
I get boners all the time.... that's not a problem. I just need to touch myself in a way & get lost in a fantasy and see where it goes.

 

[krater]

Thx for your answers. They were very good & given me a lot to think about. I think you & sjprep hit the nail on the head - I'm thinking too much. But I was reading on another thread that testosterone helps with ejaculation - hence why young dudes cum too quick. So maybe it's a combination of the two things.
Wonder if there are any other signs of low testosterone... my voice depth is about normal. I'm certainly not an aggressive person.
Maybes it's all the dammed estrogen in the environment. Global sperm count is dropping apparently.

LOL :wink: fair enough too. I don't have much confidence in medical doctors. Sometimes I think doctors get into medicine for the wrong reasons. They tend to have excellent academic ability but lack the human dimension.

I like both guys and girls. I'm not that into porn... str8 or gay. I tend to like softer core stuff... like nudist stuff. Perhaps that's my lack of sexual desire kicking in. When I fantasize - it tends to be about me being an exhibitionist to a willing audience . But I want to broaden my appeal. I watched a porn with my house mates - "big fuck cocks". Lots of pussy fucking. I wasn't that aroused but really wanted to experience what they were. Can't say I like the idea of anal - at all. But I really curious about different size and types of cocks.

Ok I realise I have to experiment with lube. But the though of jacking for an hour isn't that appealing to me. Think I need to get more interested in porn...

Testosterone only gives one the possibililty aggressive tendencies... its not a guarantee that everyone who has normal or elevated testosterone will be aggressive. Your voice being normal range is a by product of puberty... your hormone levels may just be low enough to cause inhibited sexual drive, not enough to cause feminine qualities such as high voice pitch, softer rounder bodies and relative hairlessness.

I tend to agree with you on the doc's in the field for the wrong reasons idea. But, a doc CAN help if they can diagnose and treat the problem correctly. Its certainly worth a try... if it doesn't work try something else. Doc's are people too, the have feelings and desires just like us. Not all of them are dead from the neck down.

It rocks that you watched porn with your mates, but I feel for you when you say you didn't get very aroused... perhaps you're not the exhibitionist you think you are I know I would be embarassed as hell to be in a room with my friends watching something like that and I certainly wouldn't be turned on... embarassment would send my fella into hiding.

An hour long jerk is kind of on the FAR side of quick... 15 to 20 min is normal I would say... Get in, get off, get out, ya know?

 

[krater]

Not all guys get off to porn. There are some guys that are fueled mainly by their imagination. Why don't you just take some time one day to figure out what really gets you going? Run wild with that exhibitionist fantasy. When you take a shower one night, pretend that you're doing it in front of a whole bunch of women and men who want to see you moan and shoot your load all over the place. I think I turned myself on with that one:tongue: Listen to your body and brain. You might just end up with some new realizations and a sticky mess on your hand.:wink:

kudos sjprep!!

 

[sjprep06]

lol :smile: Not a bad fantasy. I've left the window open in my bath... that was exciting. Got nice and hard.... but then got concerned that I was offending someone so closed my window.
I get boners all the time.... that's not a problem. I just need to touch myself in a way & get lost in a fantasy and see where it goes.

I tell ya what. Why don't I stand outside the window and you go to town on yourself? I get to watch somebody get off and you get to be watched while getting off. Everyone leaves happy that way.:biggrin1:

kudos sjprep!!

*takes a bow*

 

[cgttown]

For the guy who doesn't have a lot of sexual interest, definitely go to a doctor and have the hormones checked. Sexual attraction is not the same a horniness. I remember in college I dated girls that I didn't want to have sex with. In fact, I sort of separated them in my mind from sex because I didn't want to personalize my fantasies too much. I'd rather get to know them as a person, then see if we were sexually attracted. Some I liked as people but wasn't turned on by them, even though they were attractive.

Frankly, in college I had a roomie who served as a sort of fbud at times. Oral stuff only, and only on occasion. It wasn't that I was sexually attracted to him as much as that he was willing to help me out, and j/o got kinda boring.

To the guy who doesn't cum when he jacks, and then he loses interest. I think maybe you need to set aside some time to just explore your body when you're alone. Touch yourself all over, paying attention to how it feels. I'd recommend not looking at porn or even imagining anything right off. Instead, just figure out what feels good to you. I know doing this for me made me realize that I really liked my nipples pinched. That's something my wife never did and I'd never done when masturbating. But I do now. I had no idea my nips were so hardwired to my cock that I can almost get an instant boner if I tweak them right.

Experiment with lubes, different touches (fast, slow, hard, soft), different textures, etc. Really take some time to find out what you like and to ENJOY it. Sometimes lack of response is just due to lack of good technique, even on yourself.